Jesse Dangerously profile picture

Jesse Dangerously

So I says to Mabel, I says...

About Me

I'm not happy unless you're not happy.

I'm a bastard. I'm a bitch. I'm a fraggin' bastich. I know it, and I'm not changing. I love animals more than people. I'm sarcastic and rude, and that is just to the people I like. I hate to sleep because I am afraid I am going to miss something. I am spontaneous, devious, and under-appreciated. And I do respect the people I care about, and would do anything for them. I do have a heart after all. And sometimes I am just a big fat homo. Except for all the making out with guys stuff.


I love "Big Red".
What I've Been Up To:

Finish The Lyrics In Your Own Words

What hurts the most...
is when people die in real life.

I bounce in the club...
to "Fernando" by ABBA. Or anything by Air Supply.

When you look me in the eyes...
I wish you would love me again, so I could tell you I don’t love you.

It’s been so long and I’m lost without you...
thick head of hair.

Don’t want to close my eyes...
because you might get hit by a car and I might not see it happen.

I swear...
my favorite song of all time is "Be My Baby" by The Ronettes.

I got you babe...
to wish cunt cancer on.

Call me so I can get it…
set on my TiVo since I cannot ever miss it whenever "Bring It On" is on.

I pray...
you vote NO on 15.

I’ll give you my...
heart if you don’t give me a pen.

Take a look at my girlfriend...
and think about how in an hour I will be shooting all over her face.

I can read your mind baby...
and you like fish tacos.

All I do...
is wish for my mind to just stop for a few minutes.

Too strong for too long...
now my body is so weak I have to take pills to get along.

I’ll make love to you...
after I crank out that easy one first.

She want that…
buttsex while listening to "Livin’ In The Sunlight, Lovin’ In The Moonlight" from Tiny Tim.

And who can love you like me...
since Ray needs to slip women Roofies.

Snap yo fingers...
to "For The Longest Time" from Billy Joel.

Tell me again...
why you think Ben Stiller is funny.

All I wanna do...
is make out with Tina Fey. Is that too much to fucking ask?

I can’t stop...
tripping pregnant women that I think might be you down flights of stairs.

You ain’t nothin’ but a...
fair-weather friend that I gave the benefit of the doubt to. I was wrong.

One step at a time...
when you’re trying to jump the alligators in Pitfall on Atari 2600.

With you...
every day is like Guy Fawkes day.

Take a look at me now...
because I won’t be here forever.

Touch me tease me kiss me please me...
dress up like a cheerleader and cheer for me.


Today's Random Pic From My House:

Coming soon.
..NEW FACTS COMING SOON!..

My Interests


I'd like to meet:


I don't really care about meeting anyone. But I do like anyone who isn't greedy, anyone who respects life, no matter if it is a person, a tree, or a mouse. People who don't feel it is necessary to be "on" all of the time. People who are fun and clever. And I am not one of those people who try to add everyone I find as friends here. So if you ask for an add and I don't approve it, don't take it to heart. I really only add true friends and people I dig a lot.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Jesse A.K.A.: Mr. Sexy, Tony Barboni, and as Senor Teta Jode on the Mexican Wrestling Circuit.
Birthday: March 18th
Birthplace: Czarnia
Current Location: On vacation on Earth 2
Eye Color: So blue that they crap on Frank Sinatra's.
Hair Color: Sometimes brown, sometimes blonde, sometimes hair.
Height: Taller than Ray Casteline, but that's not saying much.
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right Hand of Doom.
Your Heritage: Part Italian, Part Polish, All man. Except that I love musicals.
The Shoes You Wore Today: Didn't go anywhere; just socks in the house all day.
Your Weakness: Is known only to me and my butler. And then to everyone my butler seems to tell. Even if you call the house, he'd probably tell you. He can't keep secrets.
Your Fears: That one day I will have hair like Marc.
Your Perfect Pizza: Not oily, a lot of sauce, & not much cheese served to me by Scarlet Johannson who is wearing only a red and black corset and thong. And socks.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: To make out on a couch with Tina Fey like we are a couple of high school kids hoping we won't get caught. Oh man, I so want to make out with her.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Yes, I WOULD like to know how to get a bigger penis! Send me more info!
Thoughts First Waking Up: WOW, I can't believe I won the lottery, and I am waking up next to Jenny McCarthy who dresses up as Harley Quinn every night when we have sex. Good morning, Jenny....oh. Crap. Good morning, Amy.
Your Best Physical Feature: My ass.
Your Bedtime: Me and the vampires hit the hay around the same time.
Your Most Missed Memory: Ummm, how could I remember it then?
Pepsi or Coke: Coke Classic in a can.
MacDonalds or Burger King: McD's, then I spend the night on the can.
Single or Group Dates: It doesn't matter just as long as I bang the woman...in the can.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I prefer chamomille tea.
Chocolate or Vanilla: I take them both and mix them into Ice Cream Soup.
Cappuccino or Coffee: They both make me poop.
Do you Smoke: Boy howdy!
Do you Swear: You're fuckin' right I do, you cocksuckin' hooplehead.
Do you Sing: Only that one time on the album of duets I made with Cobra Commander titled "Snake Mountain Blues".
Do you Shower Daily: No, but I shower Tim Daly with praise for the wonderful work he did on the Superman animated series.
Have you Been in Love: My wife hopes so.
Do you want to go to College: Only to the School of Hard Knockers.
Do you want to get Married: I'm already married. So the answer is 'no'.
Do you belive in yourself: Just like Fonzie believes in his coolness. So the answer is "Correctomundo".
Do you get Motion Sickness: When there are no hot, naked breats bouncing in front of my face, that's when I feel sick.
Do you think you are Attractive: A leper wouldn't even settle for me. And if you can't get a leper, you ain't in the least bit pretty.
Are you a Health Freak: If being healthy means no exercise, any kind of food I want, and never having to leave my apartment. Because I am a freak about those things. And I am when I think about lepers.
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes, they live 150 miles away. So we get along fine.
Do you like Thunderstorms: No, I like partly cloudy with a chance of light rain.
Do you play an Instrument: The only thing I stroke is my own ego. Oh, and the other thing.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Only to make me forget about my heroin addiction.
In the past month have you Smoked: The smell of my laundry basket says I have.
In the past month have you been on : a canoe? No. A tangent? Perhaps.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: I barely leave my house. I went on a date with my wife to the living room to watch 'That 70's Show'. And I didn't get any action afterwards. It sucked.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: I'm from Jersey. You have to go to the mall at least once a week; it's required by law.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: I'm not that big on cookies. I would say I like salty treats more, but that would sound gay. So let's just say I ate some oreos.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No. But I opened a can of tuna the other day and it reminded me of my ex-girlfriend.
In the past month have you been on Stage: No. But this summer I will be appearing in Robert Chamberlain's stage production of "Rocky 4".
In the past month have you been Dumped: Too easy.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: There is nothing skinny about me.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Just your mom's heart. I dug up her body and took it out of her corpse.
Ever been Drunk: Only on Romulan Ale.(That is probably the geekiest thing I've said this whole survey. Sorry.)
Ever been called a Tease: Yes, once when I walked by a prison.
Ever been Beaten up: While laughing at a joke I made, Bob punched me in the arm once. I was out cold for 3 days. They had to rebuild my arm and shoulder like The 6 Million Dollar Man.
Ever Shoplifted: I steal watermelon body wash from The Body Shop because I would feel totally gay buying it. I'm kidding, I only steal Candy Apple Bubble Bath.
How do you want to Die: Now that is just bad karma.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: An attractive dude with a full head of long hair that gets to love many beautiful ladies nightly.
What country would you most like to Visit: Anywhere as long as I am with the Time Bandits.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Ummm...my wife's.
Favourite Hair Color: Ummm...my wife's.
Short or Long Hair: Ummm...my wife's.
Height: Ummm...my wife's.
Weight: Ummm...my wife's.
Best Clothing Style: Ummm...not my wife's.
Number of I have taken: What?
Number of CDs I own: Who the hell cares?
Number of Piercings: I have 6 holes available in my ears for cranium accessories.
Number of Tattoos: Take a guess and you can win a giant comb or a Bon Jovi toothpick.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: 4,527

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Music:

Pearl Jam; The Ramones; Motorhead; The Dresden Dolls; Anal Cunt; Dethklok; Tori Amos; Alanis Morissette; Corn Mo; The Red Paintings; Ani DiFranco; Korn; Pantera; Run-D.M.C.; The Temptations; Tenacious D; The Distillers; Zakk Wylde; Black Label Society; Notorious B.I.G.; Beatallica; Wesley Willis. I love Rock, Oldies, and old school Rap. And I love any stupid Hip Hop songs that get played 50 times an hour on the radio like "Grillz".

Movies:

Pulp Fiction; Scarface; Reservoir Dogs; South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut; Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas; Sin City; Desperado; Kill Bill Vol.2; Midnight Madness; Boondock Saints; The Street Fighter(Sonny Chiba); Superfuzz; They Call Me Bruce?; Gore-Met Zombie Chef From Hell; the 'Die Hard' trilogy; the Star Wars series; all types of musicals; Lucha Libre, Japanese Samurai, & Martial Arts films; Superman & Superman 2; The Three Stooges; Marx Brothers films

Television:

24; 30 Rock; Ask A Ninja; American Dad; ATHF; Batman:TAS; Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo; The Boondocks; Curb Your Enthusiasm; Deadwood; Dexter; ECW; Family Guy; Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends; Heroes; Justice League Unlimited; Metalocalypse; Pushing Daisies; The Oblongs; The Shield; The Simpsons; The Sopranos; SuperFriends; TNA Impact!; Undergrads; Weeds; WWE Raw; WWE Smackdown

Books:

Batman: The Killing Joke; Batman: The Complete History; Kill Your Boyfriend; Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas; To Be The Man by Ric Flair; Get Shorty; Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare

Heroes:

I am more of an Anti-hero fan. The kind of person that doesn't set out to be something extraordinary, but gets thrown into a struggle where they try to do something good. People have the tendencies to do good, but the struggle is to actually do it.

My Blog

Some New Stuff Up

How's it goin'?Put up some funny pics, new songs, new vids, and a new survey(which is right under the new vids).If you're at all interested in my "Bux To The Future" online comic, I have been trying t...
Posted by Jesse Dangerously on Fri, 10 Oct 2008 12:21:00 PST

Looking for a new job/career?

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ldn/783766933.htmlbest of craigslist > london > HENCHMEN NEEDED Originally Posted: Tue, 5 Aug 14:34 BST HENCHMEN NEEDED Date: 2008-08-05, 2:34PM BST 20...
Posted by Jesse Dangerously on Thu, 02 Oct 2008 05:18:00 PST

It begins again...

6.19 - Camden, NJ 6.20 - Camden, NJ 6.24 - New York, NY 6.25 - New York, NY 6.27 - Hartford, CT 6.30 - Mansfield, MA...
Posted by Jesse Dangerously on Thu, 19 Jun 2008 11:13:00 PST

Nonsensical Truth

It's not like all of a sudden I am driving to every Arby's in the area and taking a shit in their salad bars while dressed in a Wendy costume from the Wendy's restaurants.I know the above sentence mig...
Posted by Jesse Dangerously on Thu, 08 May 2008 04:46:00 PST

1.24.08

I noticed something about myself recently. I always feel like I am in a rush to get somewhere, even if I am not going anywhere. Does that make sense? I kinda don't like it.So here's what I've watched ...
Posted by Jesse Dangerously on Thu, 24 Jan 2008 10:47:00 PST

NEW! RANDOM! SURVEY!

..>..>..>RandomDo you have any pets?I don't call them that, but I have a beautiful princess that struts around like she owns the place.What color shirt are you wearing?A gray Jay & Silent Bob Secr...
Posted by Jesse Dangerously on Mon, 20 Aug 2007 12:32:00 PST

The Sopranos and Vince McMahon

       I would just like to say that I am of the mindset that Tony was killed. As much as I don't want to think it, I think I have suffecient evidence to the contrary. So for ...
Posted by Jesse Dangerously on Tue, 12 Jun 2007 11:55:00 PST

Hey yo.

Hey, all. I put up some new pics, and arranged all photos into albums. Threw a few new vids up on the main page. Including one of my Guitar Hero guitar that I customized a little bit. And yes, that IS...
Posted by Jesse Dangerously on Tue, 05 Jun 2007 01:34:00 PST

F The Media(Don't Get Me Started On Hollywood)

I've never posted a bulletin before, and it sickens me to post this one, but I want to say something. I just looked at Yahoo.com and saw this... Can you tell me what is wrong with that picture? Gi...
Posted by Jesse Dangerously on Mon, 26 Feb 2007 12:35:00 PST

A Quote

"If she were a street gang, I'd fucking go to war with her with bottles and chains."-Nathan Explosion I wish I disliked a girl that much to say that about her. Oh wait, I do. Oh, and I'm going to...
Posted by Jesse Dangerously on Thu, 07 Dec 2006 12:29:00 PST