John - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm almost six feet tall. I look alright but my feet point slightly inward when I walk. Most people don't notice, or if they do they're tactful enough not to let on, but it sort of eats me up inside. I sometimes have dreams where I'm running and my feet slowly get closer and closer together and when they touch, instead of tripping me, they create so much friction that they burst into flame. I'm roasted from below. It's agonizing. When I wake up I usually have a rash. They told me that I should see a mental doctor about it but that costs a lot, especially compared to topical cream. Plus, sometimes I get the kind that smells strongly of aloe, and I really like aloe so I guess it's not so bad.

My Interests

Seeing other places; semicolons; history; etymology; sports; leisure activities; beer, wine and spirits; a good cigarette; Italian things; girls with nice bums; interesting people; interesting books; science and technology, but in an amateur, I know nothing sort of way; trivia; myself.

I'd like to meet:

If you dream about drowning your feet, or maybe just soaking them in really cold water, I think we'd complement each other nicely. You could help me get over my night terrors, and on weekends we could rub aloe lotion on each other's necks.

Music:

Belle and Sebastian; Magnetic Fields; Al Green; Otis Redding; Weezer; Paul Simon (mostly just Graceland, though); Neil Young; David Bowie; U2; Sam Cooke; Solomon Burke; other stuff.

Movies:

Pretty much anything by the Coen brothers or Wes Anderson, especially The Big Lebowski and The Royal Tenenbaums. I think my absolute favourite movie is La Gloire de Mon Pere. It's based on the childhood of some French author named Marcel Pignol. I'm a ponce.

Television:

Jeopardy; Simpsons; The Kids in the Hall; Fawlty Towers; (the original) Law & Order, especially the ones with Adam Schiff as D.A. and Lenny Brisco as police guy; Monty Python's Flying Circus; King of the Hill; Curb Your Enthusiasm; Sopranos; more stuff.

Books:

Don Quixote; Pickwick Papers; David Copperfield; Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time; Great Expectations; Foucault's Pendulum; Baudolino; The Name of the Rose; Rumpole books; Ian Rankin murder mysteries; I'm Not Scared; Crime and Punishment; Benvenuto Cellini's autobiography; Uncle John's Bathroom Readers; Kurt Vonnegut books; One Hundred Years of Solitude; atlases.

Heroes:

Pretty much any rapper or sports star.

My Blog

Who's a guy gotta blow to get a blowjob in this monastery?

Honestly.
Posted by John on Tue, 21 Nov 2006 03:26:00 PST

Don't go to this store I hate

The only thing worse than hippies are those free market-loving hippies who sell stupid hippy foodstuffs with colourful labels and off-beat slogans. They come at you with this whole "We're s...
Posted by John on Thu, 17 Nov 2005 08:22:00 PST

This one actually is directed at you, Cassidy, you self-centred bohemian piece of shit.

You ever get the feeling someone's watching you but you can't prove it because the last time you started yelling about how someone was watching you all the people on the bus started looking at you lik...
Posted by John on Thu, 03 Nov 2005 09:35:00 PST

My lips

I had such perfect lips once. They were lush and supple. It was as though Jesus himself had found the juiciest, most succulent of tiger prawns, dipped it in a rich pink dye, butterfli...
Posted by John on Sun, 21 Aug 2005 07:52:00 PST

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and other things I won't discuss

Blogs are stupid, and I'm a sad, self-important little man for thinking others care about my everyday thoughts and experiences. I don't know what that says about you, the one person in...
Posted by John on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST