Bare Asstronaut profile picture

Bare Asstronaut

About Me

I'm outta step like Minor Threat.

Death: our nation's number one killer....

An enemy is someone whose story who haven't heard.

Your face is the International Aisle.

I don't know karate, but I know karazy.

Goblins scare the shit outta me, and I'm a sucker for nostalgia.

I use a lot of terms and phrases incorrectly, but I say it with such conviction that most people believe me, and really, who are you going to believe: me or a man with only one leg?

My Interests

being a nerd and inappropriate,
people,
legal drugs and the cultures surrounding them,
hating the ten hour marathons in Odegaard,
knowing better,
staying on my bike,
walking across cities with a soundtrack,
grammar,
editing,
equations,
stealing from my grandma,
that one morning I get every three months to sleep in,
octopi (they will take over the world, swear to sweet, baby Jebus)

I'd like to meet:

A Holocaust survivor,
a caveman who is amazed and scared by technology,
Miiiiiisssttteeerrrrr Moonlighhhhhhhht,
Beck,
Neko Case to make her my girlfriend,
Nick Jago,
the man who murdered Clay Aiken,
baby Suri,
someone to do crosswords with and teach me how to cartwheel,
people who are concerned with others' feelings but not their opinions.

Music:

Lyle Lovett, The Black Keys, Prince, Danko Jones, Guns N' Roses, Beck, Michael Jackson, Snoop Dogg, Oasis, Violent Femmes, Ryan Adams, Whiskeytown, Salt N' Peppa, old Mariah Carey, Spoon, Funk/Soul, early to mid-90s music because it's so god damn nostalgic, Sufjan Stevens, Sondre Lerche, Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins, Neko Case, Old Crow Medicine Show, NIN, The Kinks, The Libertines, Silverchair, Arctic Monkeys, Disney Soundtracks, Spice Girls, Trail of Dead, AC/DC, Ram Jam, the old black guy in front of the Wells Fargo on the Ave., Etta James, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Andrew Bird, Bueno Vista Social Club, Gipsy Kings, C+C Music Factory, The Constantines, Ace of Base, Weezer, the Clash, Dre, The Cure, Cold War Kids, Dolly Parton, Sam Cooke, The Cardigans, Jackson 5, Hot Hot Heat, Gorillaz, Blur, non-pop country, the Pulp Fiction soundtrack, The Pipettes, The Temptations, The Velvet Underground, We Are Scientists, Garbage, Bone Thugz, Electric Light Orchestra, Voxtrot, The Bronx, The Hands, Bloc Party, The Whoremoans, The Arcade Fire, A.C. Newman, LCD Soundsystem, Death From Above 1979, Iron Maiden, Between the Buried and Me, James Brown, Band of Horses, Belle and Sebastian, T-Rex, Architecture in Helsinki, Feist, Peter Bjorn and John, Leonard Cohen, Interpol, Jeff Buckley, Elliot Smith, Caitlin Cary, Elefant, Devendra Banhart, Camera Obscura, Daft Punk, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, TV on the Radio, Squeeze, Elliot Smith, Interpol,

Movies:

Pulp Fiction. The Princess Bride. The Motorcycle Diaries. The Little Mermaid. Jesus' Son. Fargo. Spinal Tap. True Romance. Spice World. Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Welcome to the Dollhouse. Help!. Troll 2.

Television:

The Simpsons. That 70's Show (not the new ones). Alias. America's Next Top Model. Law and Order: SVU. Arrested Development. South Park. Scrubs. Adventures of Pete and Pete. The Office. Freaks and Geeks. Curb Your Enthusiasm. The Mighty Boosh. Flight of the Concords.

Books:

The Outsiders. The Hitchhiker's Guide "Trilogy". Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Naked. Roahl Dahl. Sociological Theory and articles (slightly). Flannery O'Connor. The Onion.

Heroes:

Bon Bon. FiFi McNasty. Heidi Filligim. Bee. Eli. Donlin's space pants and cakes. Spencer. Mike Polk. Seamus. My co-workers. Dolly Parton.