My story is not a perfect one. I had good parents that loved me and thought they were doing what was right for me at all times. My senior year I dated a guy who I had loved for most my youth. I had always considered myself ugly and it was like my dreams came true when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I had grown up watching this boy play baseball, my favorite sport. He was the catcher most of the time. My favorite position. You know you have to have a nice butt to be a catcher. This boy used to visit our house often during baseball season as he was friends with my brother. We used to swim in horse troughs and play in mud. I fell deeply in love with him. But, there was a problem. My parents didn't think too highly of interracial dating. Most my life my parents had told me that color came in a box. When I told my mother that a boy that was half Hispanic and half white asked me out she said NO! I didn't understand why. My mother told me that it was ok to be friends with "them" but not O.K. to date or marry "them." I didn't understand why but she told me "because that is the way God intended it to be." Therefore our entire relationship was hidden. During Thanksgiving after many months of dating we decided to have sex. I thought it would be ok because we would eventually get married anyway. After Christmas he broke up with me. He said it was because he hated living behind closed doors. I understood how that might make him feel. I was also tired of having to keep my love for him a secret. I thought it was probably just temporary until I graduated and moved out of my parents home. Then the worst thing I could have imagined happened at that time happened. I found out I was pregnant. A teacher at the school gave me some information on things I needed to do and urged me to tell an adult. I knew I couldn't tell my parents because they wouldn't understand. I kept it a secret for awhile and finally told my aunt because I needed help getting to the OB doctor without my parents knowing. My aunt eventually told my parents. As I suspected they went crazy. My parents told me "if it had been any other boy, we could live with it." Since I was having a baby by a half breed, it would have to be aborted. I had never seen them like that before or since. They beat me and sent my siblings away to stay with my aunt. They demanded that I have an abortion. I stood firmly in my belief that abortion was wrong and said no. I loved my baby. They beat me some more and withheld food and drink for over 1 week. Then they drug me to an abortion mill. I was screaming for the protesters to help me, but no one would. They just sat there shouting. My boyfriend found out where the abortion clinic was and called his Tia to help me. Tia called the clinic and the nurses there let me talk to her for awhile. Tia and I made a plan in which I would run away and live with her until my boyfriend and I could get jobs and find a place of our own. The nurses helped me make myself look as though I had an abortion. My parents made me stay at home awhile so my wounds could heal. Finally I returned to school and prepared to run and live with Tia. On the night I ran, I made it all the way into town, which my parents live 28 miles from and was just under 100 feet from Tia, MaMa, and PoPo's house. A white truck came up behind me and a car door opened and slammed me in the back. I felt a hand grab me by the hair and pull me into the truck. It was my parents. They took me home and beat me again telling me how stupid I was for thinking a half breed baby was worth anything. They told me my baby was the spawn from hell itself. They called me a whore and told me the boy probably had camera's in the room when we had sex so he could make money off of porn. The next week they drug me into another abortion mill and held me down, along with 3 nurses. I fought as hard as I could. They just gave me shots of stuff that made me unable to think or move. Finally the doctor forced himself on me and took the baby. Although I was screaming he stuck this black aspirator inside me and sucked out my baby. Like I was some rug that needed to be vacuumed!! After having the nerve to hold me down, the nurse asked me to fill out a survey of my "appointment and procedure" also known to me as the killing of my son. I was taken home with plenty of drugs and told to heal. I bleed and bleed and bleed some more. I cried so hard I thought just the loss of tears would be enough to dehydrate me. I lost my desire to eat or speak or smile or anything. I just lied there crying all day. I remember my parents fighting one night. My mother was afraid that I might run to be with the boy even after the abortion. I was still on the drugs so I was a little out of it. There was screaming and yelling. Very rare for our household prior to this incident. Suddenly my mother ran into my room and opened a window and laid down beside me. She told me if she said the word 'go' for me to climb the window and run and never look back. I remember her saying she'd never seen my father as crazy as that and that she thought he might kill us. A few weeks later I went to school again and I felt something weird. I ran to the bathroom and tissues just started falling out of me. It was the most horrific thing I have ever seen. It wasn't going to be too long until graduation now. I didn't tell anyone. My parents forbade me to talk to the boy and had spies everywhere. Teachers and students would tell my parents every time I even looked at the boy I was so in love with. I hated what they were doing to him and to me. I hated life so much. In April 2001 I went to a UIL competion and won 2nd place in accounting and was off to regional. Previously I was an athletic cheerleader, basketball player, and track competitor. I weighed about 125 pounds before the pregnancy. At regionals though, I had to wear my best friends clothes weighing in at about 95 pounds. I wanted so bad to talk to my boyfriend about everything. My parents had spread rumors about how much I hated him for leaving me etc... They weren't true but he didn't know because he and I could talk. Finally I went and talked to him to tell him I still loved him and it would be just a little longer till graduation and we could be together. I thought no one had seen. I found out later that "my friend" that gave the boy the message of where to meet me was setting me up. She told my parents and they beat me again. They threatened to keep me from graduating so I would know what the life of a "Mexican" was like. They are all uneducated and stupid. They told the boy how stupid, inconsiderate, and horrible he was. They told him he was the spawn of hell just like the demon he put in me. They told him that his mission in life was to "screw" every white girl in Texas and that he never loved me. After moving and starting college I saw a doctor that told me I wouldn't be able to have children. I cried for awhile. I was angry with God. I turned from him and began doing as I pleased. I became a slave to pain. I looked everywhere for something to fill the void that was left in me when I turned away from God. I drank heavily, smoked, dated all types of men and even looked into other religions. One night I got so drunk that I lost my truck for 3 days. I could not for the life of me think of where I had parked my truck and had no idea how I had gotten home. I became tried smoking crack. It made the pain stop, but only for a few hours. The guys I dated preyed on insecure girls. They would make me feel beautiful and the moment I slept with them they were gone. These were the men my parents should have warned me about. Not the guy I had dated. They were the ones that got me so messed up I couldn't even remember where my truck was. My boyfriend in high school had NEVER done that. Although pre-martial sex was wrong, he never had to drug me to do anything. I studied Hindu. One of my friends in college was Hindu. Nothing about it made sense. I studied Islam. I knew that I was not supposed to be afraid of God. I studied Buddhism. That was just as crazy to me as Hindu. I finally realized that Jesus was the only Truth and that God hadn't left me He was right there with me. One night during prayer God showed me the hate I had been holding in my heart. The hate was consuming me like fire. God showed me that I could judge my parents for what they did to me, my boyfriend, and my son. God also showed my that if I did that, he would judge me for my sin. He showed me that sin is sin no matter how small or big and if I was found guilty, which I would be, I would be going to hell too. I made my peace that night and forgave my parents putting their fate in God's hands. It was like a huge burden had been lifted off of me. I truly felt like weight was released off of my shoulders. I met a great guy and we got married. I joined the Air Force and soon after we began having our kids. I didn't understand how I could have gotten pregnant. I began having nightmares about the abortion. One particular night I was on a TDY in St. Louis for training and my suite mate heard the scream and thought that someone was attacking me. She called the police to come and help me. That is how horribly vivid my nightmares were. I am thankful that my husband is so supportive. We have been through a lot. I am also glad that I had God to help me through the horrors. One day the Lord spoke to me and told me to stop at a church and talk to Dorothy. I know what you're thinking, but there actually was a woman named Dorothy there that I hadn't met before. I had seen her, but not met her. She was the pastor of the church and I began to learn there about the promises God has for his people. So, if you are stuck searching PLEASE message me. I want to help you. Jesus loves you and so do I. Come join the Kingdom and walk with Jesus. I can't promise you want have any other problems, but I can promise you won't be alone ever again. I have created this profile to honor and glorify God the father, his son Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I myself have been through many trials and tribulations. My ministry is to help teens and young adults that are struggling and searching for something to fill a void in their lives. Let me just say right now that something you are searching for is Jesus Christ. When you accept Jesus as your savior and ask him to help you with your life you will never be alone again. Jesus takes your old life of sin and washes it away never to be remembered again. The Bible tells us that with Christ all things are created anew. That means you get to start all over again. For this reason, no matter what you did before you truly accepted Jesus into your heart, please know that I will not judge you. I am here to help you learn and grow in Christ and get out of what may seem like an impossible situation.
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