Dana

"And now the rain washed softly against the yellow walls of the house, rather apologetically explaining to all who might listen within that there was no deliberate malice in life: that there was in life only a vast obliviousness, a tranquil self-absorption which boded neither evil nor good for those who lived.
You could almost hear it saying: 'Observe our hands, and their gestures, limitless, yes, that they are, timeless, yes, they are that, but whatever they do, it is without thinking or knowing, and so what help can they give you?'"
--"The Accent of a Coming Foot," Tennessee Williams, March 1935
"As if that blind rage had washed me clean, rid me of hope; for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world. Finding it so much like myself - so like a brother, really - I felt that I had been happy and that I was happy again. For everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, I had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate."
--The Stranger, Albert Camus, 1942
Brief WordsOne of these days I'll delete this account. I don't have the energy right now. It was mistakenly deleted the other week, but I was too myopic to halt its reinstatement.
Most people utilize life as a vehicle for validating their existence. I oftentimes will utilize my existence to invalidate life. This is not an activity for the sober individual, although I have severely cut down on my alcohol intake, and the majority of my daily energy consumption is a means to this end. I suppose this may be why I still have an active MySpace account.
I spilled gasoline in my trunk the other month. At the very least, I thought this silly mistake would prevent others from catching any contagious disease of the mind I harbor. If people refuse to approach my car when I am around it, then by default, they refuse to approach me. This subtle psychological ruse eases the burden of social detachment since it places the blame on the other party even though I could make an effort to clean up the spill. This form of optimism is something I strive for nowadays. I wish more people would learn from me.
I received the following MySpace message the other week. I'll refrain from printing the name of the member. He should consider this a huge favor.
"Any thoughts of your own, or do you just beleive [sic] everything that Nietzsche writes? When you get to the end of the book and it turns out you've just read 1200 pages of a book written to circle around to the beginning and prove he said nothing, do you start hating that too?"
Unfortunately, I have read the Bible before, and this individual's uninformed ramblings indicate that it takes much less than 1200 pages to hate something. In fact, this fucker was so brilliant, he allowed me to do it in merely four lines. I checked out his page and immediately dismissed him as a Christian proselytizer with no thoughts of his own. Based on his English skills, I'm sure he'll have to look that word up. Unfortunately, he won't find it in the Bible.
I have grown tired with the idea that morality must be faith-based. I am sick of the struggle homosexuals face to simply marry in peace. And not only is abortion a means of preventing an unwanted pregnancy, it gives a biological entity the chance of bypassing human existence. This is the greatest gift of all. The right-wing values agenda needs to stop. It sickens me so much that I occasionally entertain the notion of becoming a Democrat.
I grew up wanting to be a doctor. A friend of mine and I had dreams of graduating from Harvard Medical School together. That never happened. Then I discovered physics. Now I work with doctors. The irony of life.
There are days I wake up and wonder what the fuck I am getting up for. If this happens on the weekend, I'll usually lay back down and sleep the rest of the day or study poker. If it's during the work week, I'll put in my hours and then come home and read Nietzsche. It all depends on the weather.
I have solemnly come to the conclusion that money rules the world. But I like wearing jeans that are five years old. My favorite t-shirts are fading. I live in a one-story house and drive a used Lumina. I enjoy racking it up while others blow money to impress. But I like nice things. I enjoy cashmere and fancy restaurants. And I enjoy treating people to a good meal if I feel so inclined. I am generous on certain occasions, but I enjoy using the phrase "fuck off" just as often. If you're good to me, I'll give you my left testicle if my right one is still intact, or vice versa.
I've been working as a physicist in the radiation oncology department of Lourdes Hospital in Binghamton, NY. I do it to get paid. I'd rather be a screenwriter or something, but I can't do that right now.
I started a site full of essays and other short writings following my freshman year at Cornell. The site has been dormant for a while, but I intend to change that. I started the site before the blog boom, and I do not consider it a blog site in any sense of the word. And even though I still harbor a certain degree of disdain for the blog revolution, I decided to post some of my old entries from the site on here. If you feel in the mood to check out the site, the link is the following:
http://www.angelfire.com/realm/guitarizto
I try to stay on top of my writing, but it is difficult. I started my M.S. studies in physics while continuing to work forty hours at the hospital. This is extremely paralyzing and tiresome. I only recommend it to those who are searching for a viable inadvertent suicide technique.
I joined a band called Dear John in the summer of 2005. The link to our MySpace page is on my Top 8. Here you can find our concert dates, etc.
I also finally joined Facebook, which has an infinitely better interface than this pathetic website. To add me, just do a search for Dana J. Alexander, Cornell '04. I should pop up somewhere.You can most often find me in my house with all the blinds closed, reading books, doing math problems, or studying poker. But don't try to walk in. I always keep the door locked, and there are times I don't answer the doorbell. On most Sundays I don't leave the house and rarely eat more than one meal. Sundays for me are more a day of isolation than relaxation. I don't really care to explore my surroundings anymore. I went to a world-class university for four years. That's good enough for me.
As a college student, I learned a lot of cool and interesting things about life. Here they are:
1. No one cares.
2. People will disappoint you.
3. Love fades.
If we happen to randomly encounter each other somewhere, don't talk too much.