Nick

I actually ran out of my space on my myspace, so I had to chop things up a bit. Here's a little about me and my interests:Friends. Fun. Laughter. Lots of laughter. Good Food. Unapproachable. Family. Sleep. Asaf's ponytail. Work. Girls. Beautiful weddings. Wayne's old. Fun nights. Jeff Gordon. Subliminal messages. There's nothing I'd rather do than hang out with some good friends. That about sums me up. I added a few more interests below: Hanging out with my friends. My friends are some of the most amazing people I have ever met. We have more fun than anyone...seriously. Anyone that's been out with me knows that. Some people just don't know how to have a good time, and I don't care to hang around with them. I like to sleep. Car bombs...amongst other bombs. Car-bomb offs. Joe's enormous wallet slash rubber band thing that's the size of a brick. When Joe starts going through his enormous wallet slash rubber band thing and talks about all his interesting contacts and gets really excited (some common symptoms include but are not limited to any of the following: huffing and puffing, nostrils flaring, breathing heavily, low-pitched grumbly voice). "Fuck you-ing" people--if somebody is bothering me about the $20 I owe them, I like to give them $40, tell them to shut up, and to go fuck themselves. My ongoing $5 bet I've had with Omar since high school--It goes like this, anywhere we go, I bet that Omar will be the fattest person present. If I'm right, he pays me $5. If I'm wrong, and there happens to be another slob present, I still argue that he is bigger and it's a wash. It's win-win--I can retire on this one. Brittany Bond...she's amazing. God dammit. Being greeted in the morning with "How are you feeling?" The one creepy guy with the grey ponytail that always seems to be out. 2 tires and a splash. Sunoco shaker. Brown eyed squirrels. Red Bull Jews. Anyone that can figure out what the last two mean. The 51st aereola. When famous black guys tell me I'm the craziest mutha fucker they've ever met. Amstel Light. Big fan of family functions, my Grandma is scared of me. Poker on TV--my cameo at the 04 World Series. Freshwater pools. Being found attractive by the most psychotic girls in the world. The dinosaur and his locks. Flying monkeys. Pressing the loop. Liquids--I pump myself of water, Starbucks, Amstel Light, Vitamin Water, and shots...in no particular order, alternating the order of intake keeps thing interesting. Classifying everything in life as either stupid or funny. I like running into horrible celebrities at bars and throwing more money down on their tips, and telling them they should tip better. My alias--Marty Buttonzipper. Hooking up my friends. Going to the concert with the girl that the band's hit song is about, then going to the after party and stuffing sub sandwiches in my pants, while 50 Euros look at me like I'm crazy. Deep tissue massages. Double or nothing on the last hole. Getting home safely. Charging it to my room. Bathroom creativity when I realize I'm out of toilet paper halfway through my poop---the fact that I list that as one of my "general interests" in life is somewhat strange...but it is always interesting. Shady tax guys--Victor Grieco, you are genius, I don't know what the hell you're doing, but keep up the good work. Comps. Receiving a text from the person you want it to be from. Whatever she wears to bed--from booty shorts to wife beaters to my clothes to nothing--I love it...probably my biggest weakness in life. Bringing out the side in people that doesn't come out to much, or that they're afraid to bring out themselves. Talk Shows usd to be really good--Maury Povich with fat babies and 'who's the dad?'...and Jenny Jones with 'I used to be a nerd, but now I'm sexy,' or Sexy spring break flings reunited where the guests would wear spring break attire and the set was decorated like a beach. Luxury. When 70 of your friends show up for your birthday dressed like idiots, spend a ton of money, and blackout with you for 10 hours (this does not pertain to the 7 uninvited guests or those who saw it fitting to do coke in the Airbus bathroom, sweet). Apples (shots, computers, pieces of fruit, celebrity children). I love Las Vegas--- Circle Bar, Jet, Light, Foundation Room, Tao, Capriatti's, Body English, The Egg and I, Rehab, Hotel Prison, ghetto B of A, and the blackjack tables are my spots. I like going to breakfast. $3200 bar tabs at 4:00 in the afternoon on a Sunday. Explaining to Fabolous why it's mathmatically correct to hit a 16 against a ten even though he doesn't want to. Tapatio, Cholula, Tabasco Chipotle, Schiracha. Breaking people down. Expensive dinners at xpensive restaurants--probably my favorite way to spend money. Beach houses. Replying with the words 'really, who does that?...', and 'or?...' I like going out. Broken Spanish. Magic Johnson--The healthiest man in the world. Emceeing anything...I'm magic on the mirophone. Avoiding phone calls. Sia's little. When superstar athletes ask me what I'm doing that night. Meeting up with the cocktail waitress from dinner. Snapping out of a blackout and looking to my left and seeing Lil John sitting next to me on the couch, looking to my right and seeing Terrell Owens sitting next to me on the couch, and looking down and seeing a bottle of Crystal in one hand and Lil John's pimp cup in my other...that was a funny night. Having a guy for everything. Calling my jewish friends "jews." Calling my friends that aren't jewish "jews." Calling people I don't know "jews." Calling my friends pets "jews." Using "jew" as an expletive when I am angry (situations such as stubbing my toe, getting cut off on the freeway, when my waiter screws up, when someone sneezes, or when a cat enters the room)--I will often add the word "fucking" before or "mother fucker" after depending on how pissed I am. Drinking before I do something---anything---ex: I don't go to the game, I go drink then I go to the game. Hanging out in the "black" cabana. Sports quotes--AI--"Practice? I'm supposed to be the franchise player...and we talkin about practice?"...Jim Mora--"Playoffs?...Playoffs?"...Denny Green--"They are who we thought they were!!" Launching my stat tracker. Asking someone what the meaning behind their tattoo is, and trying to keep a straight face during their answer. 'Black dresses' that are really white. Being in charge. VIP. When people don't get my jokes. Chris Duhon's halfcourt shot. Wine tasting. Telling a girl's Mom that I want to sleep with her daughter, and thinking it's the polite thing to do. Giving people ten guesses to figure out what I do for a living. Yelling "bust-bust goose, Jack Bauer, Jeff Gordon" or "Drop your weapon" when the dealer flips over her cards. Any song featuring Nate Dogg or R Kelly, however, songs by the two of them tend to suck...except for the remix to Ignition. Spending money---faster than I can make it. When the girl you like walks into the bar---I really don't think there is a better feeling--attack mode. When the girl you hate walks into the bar--I don't think there is a worse feeling--fucking psycho. Ranking the following from favorite to least favorite: bad sex, great breakfast burrito, spending the day with your family, and taking a good shit---I think the burritos winning. Changing my avatar's outfit depending on the weather. Playing fact or fiction until 6:00am. Telling T-O where the after party's at. 6 or 7--about ten years ago, I came to the realization that these two numbers can be used in almost any situation, to answer any question, and either work or at least sound right--some examples: What time do you want to leave? How many guys has she slept with? What size sweater should I get Mom for Christmas?--6 or 7 sound correct and might actually work in any of these scenari-joes. Stars, They're Just Like US---my favorites are "they pump their own gas," "they eat rice and beans," and the one thats always in there--"they multitask." Watching horrible couples meet at a bar only to go home and have horrible sex. Asteriks on my diploma--an eternal 'thank you' to Chris Martinez and the internet--I owe both of you one college degree. Grey ponytails (see Asaf's page....no, really he actually has a grey ponytail). Having a group of friends that fights over every tab, and having another group of friends that runs from every tab. Clean sheets, straight from the dryer. Mike and Mike. Dating Cinderella. Watching Britney crumble. Having a really comfortable bed. When I get the hot teller at the bank. Booing the Jags. Committing to things I know I can't do. Being the bad boy on my fantasy league message boards--I really am a loser. Having friends that are really close to death (See Omar's profile). Having nothing to do on a Summer's day, so going and buying a goat. The black to titanium upgrade. 1.Throwing limes at the pool. 2.Having them land on a complete stranger's chest that is asleep. 3. Dubbing him 'Chester McLimestrom. 4. Having him remain sleeping for another hour with the lime still positioned on the center of his chest. 5. Having him wake up, only to have 40 people he doesn't know call him Chester. Personality. Buying her one more drink, which is usually a desperate ploy to buy ten more minutes of her time. Coming up with nicknames--I'm good at it. Basset hounds, the new "it" dog. This may come off as creepy, but a girl's post-shower routine--so much goes on--I like when they sit on the floor in front of the mirror. Trendy haircuts. Not really knowing what to do, so just comping it. When restaurants, bars, or stores allow you to plug in your phone charger. Black people love me--that's more of a statement than an interest. Angel games. Turkey hats on Thanksgiving. Reality TV. HD anything. Having a make believe cartoon character of myself in charge of my make believe football team. Internet access. Picture texts. Being really friendly and caring to a girl's favorite teddy bear. Having my drink replaced when I'm halfway through the one I'm working on. Madagascar and how it somehow relates to Ninja Turtles. Confidence in any situation. I like to golf--MCC. Hanging out with Omar. Cold water when I'm thirsty--Smart Water, Fiji, and Panna are my fav's. Making my towel into a chicken--always a crowd pleaser. Bad tattoos. Lip boo-boos. Sandwiches. Getting called out. Butterfly Beach. My sand wedge and putter. Air Jordans. Beautiful flowing golden retriever puppy dog blonde hair. I love cocktail waitresses. My personal assistant--there are plenty of other girls that would like to have your position, so start doing a better job--seriously. Variety. When Craig Hodges would win the three-point contest every year, but couldn't get signed to a team, so he shot in a grey on grey "NBA" uniform. Having more UCLA All-Americans in my cabana than Earl Watson's. Sleeping next to a girl that likes to be smothered. Telling a stranger that you know of a really good after-party with coke and strippers, having him take you one block from your house, then getting out and running---I've done that one twice. When NBA players email me and ask me for pictures from the weekend. Telling a stranger that you know of a really good after-party with coke and strippers, having them get in your car, then driving them to the store, ask them to buy beer for the party, then drive away---I've done that once. Fixing my ballmark. DJ Grey Ponytail. Being the bottle captain is a real honor--Seriously, who orders 2 magnums of Goose, 1 bottle of Dom, 12 Amstels, 1 bottle of Patron Silver, 6 sugar free Red Bulls, 6 regular Red Bulls, tonic, soda, cran, 20 shot glasses, a mixer, shaker, strainer, 3 pour spouts, and extra cocktail napkins upon arrival, all while learning our cocktail waitresses name, finding out if she's single, finding out what she's doing the next night, exchanging numbers, rolling my eyes when she tells me what her boyfriend does, and making her laugh three to five times?...I do. I do this within the first five minutes. We will be her favorite table that night. She will want us to come back. She will remember us. I'm good at it--that's why this is my job. Waterskiing squirrel. Skateboarding dog. Interesting garnishes in drinks. Using the word "circa" to describe something that happened within the last week or so. Tagging along. N-word Scissorhands. Balancing ever so slightly on the fine line of being the go-to-guy and a total liability. Putting things on my tab. Having the one friend that always drives. Knowing how to use the remote. Jack Bauer. South Coast Plaza. Mama pants. Living in a small town is funny--I know way too much about people I hardly know. Demographics--I really like referring to different 'demos.' Pretending I like people when I meet them. Declaring someone a "wreck." Huge disgusting black calfs (see Omar's profile). Dealing--I'm a good dealer. Reaction upon entrance. Piper (yes, that Piper). Flirting with 17 year old boys on baseball recruiting trips. Trying to win it back. Secret parking spots. My un-interests. Lofty goals--I want lots of money, real money, funny money. Telling bookies to hang on to my check until I know it will clear--they don't usually like that. Beach activity--Smashball, swimming to the buoy, throwing the stick, and watching the strip-down/strip-up. Impressions---I do a really good Nelson and Joe. Extra cheese. Well-turned double plays. Using the words "this guy" to describe anything. Justin Michael. Text messaging--a phenomenon--life changing--never would I have guessed that the majority of my personal relationships would be based on text messages. Here's an example: "where you at?" "Q's" "Meet me at the Kitty at 12:30" "k." That's all it takes to get laid. Buckethead golf. Dinner. Loading up at halftime. Seeing whats going on under her clothes. Having nothing to do but nap. Trying to make trades in my softball league. Swimming, not competitively, but like I did when I was 6---I still like doing cannonballs, and seeing how long I can hold my breath underwater. Hiring people, my interviews are classic. Being a master of psychological warfare. Will Ferrel. Going to the hottest club on the hottest night, with the hottest DJ playing, and leaving early with the hottest girl. Howard Stern is genius. www.santabarbaraweddingguide.com--go to it and search my name if you want a good laugh. Knowing that my cover has been blown with enough time to come up with another lie. Having every single dealer in the building know my name by the end of the weekend. Seeing if people can figure me out. Lunch. Being good at stuff. The jumble--I can do the jumble faster than anyone- send me any you are stumped on. Punishing people with their own shoe. Ocean views. Making million dollar decisions. I like to play cards. Jokes that only a couple people get, and everyone else thinks I'm a complete idiot. Sushi. Ending all sentences with the word "idiot" when referring to those I am addressing. Success I'm into men's slow-pitch softball leagues--I'm the manager of a team. Being a walk-right-insler. All day text conversations with DJ Grey Ponytail where we try to one-up each other in a battle of wit. Dogs that don't bite me. Grandparents. Outdoing my friends on their birthdays. Unexplicable phenomenoms. Argyle socks. Friday flip-up-day has not gotten old. Telling old people to "grow up" when they are angry--the state of confusion they are already in due to their elderly state goes through the roof when they hear this one...try it sometime. Guacamole. Receiving checks for thousands of dollars in the mail. I like to buy the same shoes that I wore when I was 8...I love shoes, especially vintage Nikes. Google Images. Ordering a second bottle when the cocktail waitress delivers the first. I'm a really good dancer. Reality checks. My junk food menu--the hottest and trendiest thing on Santa Barbara wedding scene. Riding on handlebars. Guessing where people are from. Referring to the places my friends own as 'shitholes.' Domino's hot lap. Ice water. Late check-outs. Smashing phones. Trunks, sunglasses, and Rainbows, anytime I'm wearing that, I'm doing something fun. Walking into a poker room. Walking into a poker room and making everyone nervous. Laughing. Grabbing Bob Saget's ass with two hands over and over until he asks to stop. Walking down the street and saying hi to the mayor, turning the corner and saying hi to the biggest heroin dealer in town. McDonalds and transvestites--no matter where I've traveled in the world, I have found these two things present more consistently than anything else. Vegas with a black card....really good slash really bad. Naps. Failed plastic surgery (see Omar's profile). Splitting 8's. Splitting aces--the old boom boomsler. Blatent text messages. Not taking too much seriously. Occasionally shooting my mouth off. Excessive tipping. Hanging out with Reza or Joe, and suddenly feeling really good about myself. $30,000 swings. Making friends at Blackjack tables, then threatening their lives later. Being debt-free. All day text conversations. Short flights. Airport bars--everyone talks to each other. Power tripping. Downtown SB. Being funnier than you. Being the most popular guy at the pool by days end. Casino disguises. Pretending to care. Lots of pillows. Driving, I love driving. Eddie Griffin's fake crash. Locking it up at halftime. Getting kicked out of half of Southern Caifornia's sports team's home games. Absolutely not caring when I meet someone. Patio heaters. Avocado. Talking to a girl and being really friendly, then the second she walks away telling my friends who she's slept with, then we all laugh. Tipping dogs--not like cow-tipping, but like rewarding a dog with a dollar or two for something nice he did--the dog at Kalyra Winery is probably the third highest paid worker in the Santa Barbara hospitality industry. Not being from another state---some people just look horrible i.e. New Jersey, middle America, or anywhere on the East Coast...horrible... (I'm writing this and making a puke face as I write). I like telling black people that I like their clothes when I see them out--they always get really happy, and give me five---I swear to god this is true, nobody likes to be complimented on their gear more than the blacks. Searching for someone on myspace the second I get their job application. 'The Shove Heard 'Round the World.' Being a really good judge. Over-reacting when a new song comes on. I love the summertime. Champagne Brunch. Shotguns. Mike Weyrick--an absolute legend in both the softball and mustache world. Matthew McCougnehy and Lance Armstrong's homo-erotic relationship. Orange County- best looking girls in the WORLD. Ordering funny amounts of drinks when I'm out---like 13 shots and 13 beers, and handing them out to everyone around me. Tickling someones hand when you give them a handshake, especially in business situations. I like trashing cabanas at Rehab. Missy Elliot's lime green Lamborghini bed with the trunk full of Adidas. Conversations with cab drivers. The "go-to" bathroom at work. Next morning recaps of the night before. Judging people and generalizing. Cool designs in hotel ashtrays. Brian Shaw and Lon McHeran. Summertime evenings in OC...dinner on the patio every night. Wonky boobs. Costumes, I always have really good costumes. Mash-ups. Sleazy elevator conversations. Birthday toasts, my 24th was unbelievable. Being a convicted criminal in multiple couintries. Meeting people at the pool and then meeting up at night. Moving all-in. 3 tickets in 5 minutes. Pedro's after surfing- best restaurant in the world. Giving human names to inanimate objects.Taking the over. Set waves. Betting on The Little League World Series. My $5 bet with Omar. The occasional blackout. Dudewheels. Late night phone calls. Stereotypes--they exist for a reason. Sitting back and watching Joe. A night's sleep on drowsy medcine. Hanging out with my Dad. Del Taco. Friends who post bail at 5 am (goal-Joe, assist-Rocky). Betting. Bedding.Planning Scott Baio's wedding. Lakers. Giving Kobe the last shot. I love Loca Clothing. Sunday nights. Guessing what song is going to come on next. Gaining respect. I like coaching third base, and telling the runners how many outs there are. Racist humor. Urban legends. Anything on a boat. Coffee in the morning. Hollywood nights. Saying what's up to Terrance. Taking pictures. Being trusted with the Black Card for the night, then leaving the bartender a $40,000 tip. Surfing comebacks. Outdoor showers with warm water at the beach. Coasties. The day after Christmas. Creamy horseradish. Last second Ebay bid-offs. Checking my email at work. Houseboats. My friends from home. Hot neighbors. Oscar The Cat. Being friend-cocky---I'm pretty sure me and my friends are better than you and yours. I'm actually positive. Doing what you do just isn't as fun. It's really not. UN-INTERESTS Jews, Persians, Danny Gans & mass texts on holidays-- Got to start off with the no-brainers, right? Going to jail. Going to jail in Mexico. Going to jail in drag. Going to jail at Angel Stadium. Going to jail at the Mandalay Bay--all really good stories. Maddox's faux hawk--get a new hairstyle, queer. Troublemaking transvestite stuffed animals, especially when their name is eerily close to a situation they should have stayed out of. Texting someone and having them call back. Getting the 'no-no finger.' Putting my foot through the pre-engineered holes in my jeans when I put them on, thus tearing them for real, and ruining my perfect rips that I paid $300 for. World famous DJ Scott Topper--especially when his over hits after 3 holes. Having an assistant that brings me Starbucks--sounds great...and I love Starbucks, but it's a long story. Warming up to people. Meeting new people. Reputations. Popularity. Who you know. Doing laundry. Sparkling water. Inviting some friends for a nice round of golf at the Country Club and they show up wearing any of the following: Under Armour, board shorts, beanies, disgusting ponytails. Really bad drivers like Annie and Hack...."put your fucking ipod down and watch the road you dumb bitch." When the only transvestite in the entire airport ends up on my plane in the seat right next to me. Chilled Makers--I have no idea why its the default shot in SB. Making the schedule. Phone calls from work the second I leave. When the girl at Starbucks calls out my order instead of my name--I order a really gay drink. Stupid girls--so many chicks are just horrible. Workplace relationships. Tee box debates with Hack. LOL. Horrible ringtones. Arrogance for no reason--if you have something to offer, and you're arrogant, I get it...if not, you just look like an idiot. Stolen material--some of my jokes have become catch phrases for certain people in town. Change (coins) in my bed...I hate walking to the shower and having nickels fall off my back--am I the only person that happens to??... The workplace phenomenon--I enjoy work, I think it's good for you, and I think it teaches you a lot, but the idea that I have to be around, get along with, and pretend I like people that I wouldn't surround myself with in any other situation in life blows my mind. The fact that it's really hard to find a girl that hasn't slept with any of your friends in Santa Barbara...nice town. Uninvited guests inviting guests to your birthday (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang)--who does that (Warner is the correct answer. He invited 7 guests that no one knew and none of them paid...nice etiquette)?? Back to back to back to back home runs that happen right after you leave the game. Clark W. Griswald aka. Fraser--nice parking spot. Anything typical--this could have its own section. Succumbing to a tight belt notch and being forced to hole down--very humbling. Answering Mikey's phone calls. Average restaurants. Bad service. Idiots. Scary noises in the middle of the night. The fact that I am the worst drunk dialer slash texter on the planet. East coast. Super Bowl XLI...never liked her. Coke. Horrible boyfriends--really, he's in a band??...really, he's a DJ??...really, he plays professional anything??...really, he's VIP where??... Awesome, you're still dating a douche bag and everyone thinks you're an idiot...try dating a wedding planner. Pooping my pants on my college campus. Surrounding myself with good hair---some of the worst hair you'll ever see resides on the the heads of some of my closest friends--grey ponytail...really?...you serious with that mustache type thing, Hack, really...?? Answering my phone. Kissing and telling. Being 150 yards out, hitting the ball 150 yards, and ending up still 150 yards. Talking on the phone--just text me. Draft beer. Room 654 at the Tropicana Hotel (also known as the 'blank' suite)--some really bad things happened in there. Bungalow 8 on Bingin Beach, Bali, Indonesia--some similar really bad things happened there. Deadlines. Bad beats. Bad beat stories--no one cares Nelson...moron. Spencer on The Hills (see 'douche bag boyfriend' or 'anything typical' above). After parties. People that just don't get it. Fat friends that take chicks shopping and charge everything to my room. Meeting new people. Horrible excuses--just let me know what's actually going on. When the person at the front of the line at the grocery store wants cash back, but they can't figure out how to use the keypad atm thing so it takes them 6 tries, and you have to wait patiently, and the line slowly starts building behind you and people start to notice the dumb stuff in front of me on the conveyor belt, and wonder why I am buying relish, deodorant, an US Weekly, and a can opener. Getting screwed. Keeping a straight face. Non-motivated people. Wednesday mornings. Staring. Santa Barbara restaurants--most average restaurants in the world...way to go Wayne. Bars that don't have cocktail napkins--come on Dan. US Airways--worst airline in the world. People that steal money from dogs. Crooked table settings--a perfectly set table not only enhances the overall dining experience, it makes the food taste better. Resumes--one of my goals in life is to never write a resume. Walking down State St., minding my own business, and having the world's biggest rat almost fall on my head. The thuggish look that so many rich Hollywood white kids go after--i.e. DJ AM's friends. People that can't swim--This drives me absolutely nuts...I really don't get this one--You want to know how to swim???....Don't drown...that's all it takes...jump in the water and wiggle, flap your arms like a wet pigeon, maybe kick your legs a bit...guess what???...you're swimming. I'm not done with this one--try floating...jump in the water and do absolutely nothing...I count floating as swimming because you're not drowning. Bus drivers that take the mic away from me or try and kick me off their bus in the middle of nowhere in the rain. Bad hops. Getting sick on vacation. Matt Kenseth and his shady spinouts. Bridezillas. Half empty. Promoters are pathetic. Bar Mitzvahs. Bat Mitzvahs. Divas. Typical office lunchbreak guys--They're everywhere--you might notice their Express striped button-up tucked into their Express flat front pinstriped pants which hang ever so precisely over their Steve Madden slip on square-toed shoes while splitting the veggie burrito with the 'hotty' from accounting at Baja Fresh between the hours of 12:00 and 1:00. Hangovers. Non-domestic live animals. Hack's a moron. Missed free throws. When your golf partner has to put the windshield up or hide beind something when you hit. Spider webs and blown light bulbs--these two things should not be present at any place of business. Pop-ups. When time flies. Santa Barbara drivers. Being the only one that saw something happen, and trying to convince everyone you're with that you're not making it up...like the time I was blacked out, and there were 8 of us eating, and saw the second biggest rat in the world come out of a hole at Chilango's and it stared right into my eyes for 10 seconds then went back into its hole, and no one else saw...I swear to God this is true. Chinese character tattoos--they're simply today's tribal band. Paying for anything at any of Wanye's shitholes. Wanye's bloodsuckers--pay for fucking something. When girls fall...one of my biggest pet peaves--you're walking, you've been doing it forever, don't fall. Getting pinched. Bills--I generally don't open them until there's red writng on the envelope. Walk in appointments. Going into a store wearing something I recently bought from there. Tardiness. 12 o'clock radio--Is it mandatory to listen to horrible oldies while eating lunch?? Thinking quickly at the chiropractor-- I accidently got aroused on a massage table at physical therapy, and had to tell the lady I didn't want to roll over because there was a really tight spot in my back. Persistent masseuses--when the masseuse you're lying to about a knot in your back doesn't care and insists you roll over so she can work on your neck. Getting caught lying, and with a boner on a massage table--I guess that one speaks for itself. Potential back problems--I quickly abandoned the physical therapist after the embarrassing boner episode described above, and stopped getting the necessary treatment I needed for my accident--good thing I was just trying some old fashioned insurance fraud and my back didn't actually hurt. Skin Industries or anything moto--probably the biggest douche bag, meathead, fake tough, nine-oh type of people out there. When the AC takes forever to kick in. Things that used to be really good TV but are now bad such as: Sitcoms, and The Olympics. Flair (wristbands, wallet chains, piercings, etc...). Legal trouble. When fake money becomes real--when you suddenly have to pay someone back for all the chips you borrowed at the blackjack table two weeks after you get home from Vegas. Stupid upgrades--no, I do not want to purchase the miracle lens cleaning spray or the magic shoe shine for an additional $15...just put my stuff in the bag. Fake personalities--I can read people extremely well, and am overly observant to a fault. People that can't figure it out. The general public--most people (like 85%) are disgusting and stupid...good places to see this are the DMV, and international terminals at airports. Getting my new shoes dirty. 'Private' phone numbers. Walking into work and having 5 people ask me questions or flag me down before I can get to my desk. Public transportation. Being sick or being hurt. Bad cup holders in cars. Being impressed. Angry, arm crossed polar bears that wake me up at midnight. When someone that you really don't want to talk to calls and leaves a voicemail, so you just don't check your voicemails at all...next thing, it's been two days and you have 19 messages and a full mailbox. When the dishwashers stare at the chicks at work--every time they walk by...it's so distgusting. Pushy salespeople--I'm there to spend money already idiot...don't blow it. Rapey--nice chick Omar. Skateboard sounds. Slipping--one of the scariest sensations, you're completely helpless and frightened. The last key--every time you need to open a door with strange keys, it's always the last key that works. Mail--I hate mail, I never check it. Planned Parenthood waiting room...most awkward waiting room in the biz. Inky fingers in the morning--you either went to jail, made a cash advance, or worst case, did both the night before. The awkward first time face to face confrontation after you've denied someone's friend request. The 7 guys on stage at rap concerts with microphones and towels on their heads that butcher every show...stick to being the "bling handler." Getting out of the car and having my phone fall off my lap and onto the ground--I do that every day. Being fat. The spider that's been living in my car for the last two months...every day I am greeted by a new web formation--come on, spider, quit it.