Randy profile picture

Randy

Sa Da Tay!

About Me

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over there in the Himalayas...A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says?... Gunga galunga...gunga -- gunga galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say: 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little somethin', you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says: 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. I edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4

My Interests

Well, fuck you, too. Fuck me, fuck you, fuck this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck the squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores, stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gekko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for FUCKING LIFE! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, 'cause they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, their St. Anthony medallions, swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take five steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on! Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin' Otisville, J! Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fuel fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my ass! Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row-houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue, from the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split-levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it, let the fires rage, let it burn to fucking ash and then let the waters rise and submerge this whole rat-infested place. [pause]

I'd like to meet:

Lane Meyer...

Music:

n. the art and science of combining vocal or instrumental sounds or tones in varying melody, harmony, rhythm, and timbre, so as to form structually complete emotionally expressive compositions.

Movies:

The Lone Gunmen Pilot Episode. Aired 6 Months Before 9/11/01. Watch the whole show, or skip ahead to the last 15 minutes...it'll blow your mind! Fiona Apple: Across The Universe

Television:

LOST, Colbert

Books:

To Kill a Mockingbird, Dracula, Frankenstein, 1984, Catch 22, Fahrenheit 451, Brave New World, Catcher in the Rye, Dune, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Rum Diaries, Lord of the Flies, Through the Looking Glass, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Lord of the Rings, Fight Club, The Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allen Poe, Metamorphoses, The Old Testament.

Heroes:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with inherent and inalienable rights; that among these, are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed; that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness." --Declaration of Independence as originally written by Thomas Jefferson, 1776.

My Blog

Observation(s) #4

Why are there Canadians in the National Spelling Bee? It reminds me of The Simpson's episode where Bart gets a fake ID, rents a car, and takes Milhouse, Martin, and Nelson on a road trip. Lisa knew ...
Posted by Randy on Fri, 01 Jun 2007 06:27:00 PST

Observation(s) #3

You can not win a war that could never have been won in the first place.
Posted by Randy on Mon, 28 May 2007 06:40:00 PST

Observation(s) #2

Confirmation Confirmed: Blondes are more fun than Brunettes, and less crazy too.
Posted by Randy on Mon, 28 May 2007 06:06:00 PST

Observation(s) #1

It's come to my attention that anyone, anywhere will read anything at any time. I'll call that one #0 and the basis of this series#1: Brushing your teeth and then immediately drink orange juice after...
Posted by Randy on Sun, 20 May 2007 01:18:00 PST

7 Deadly Sins survey...thx erica

Wrath-------->Who did you last get angry with?Saddam Hussein, and you saw what happened to him.What is your weapon of choice?AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill ...
Posted by Randy on Tue, 23 Jan 2007 05:12:00 PST

The genius of Kurtz

I've seen horrors... horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that... but you have no right to judge me. It's impossib...
Posted by Randy on Sun, 10 Sep 2006 10:59:00 PST

Poetastic

The RavenOnce upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As...
Posted by Randy on Wed, 30 Aug 2006 12:05:00 PST

Tear down the wall!

"The Trial" Good Morning, Worm you honor. The Crown will plainly show The prisoner who know stands before you Was caught red-handed showing feelings Showing feelings of an almost human nature, This w...
Posted by Randy on Sun, 13 Aug 2006 08:32:00 PST

Corinthians 13:11

.... "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child... Now that I have become a man, I have put away childish things."
Posted by Randy on Mon, 17 Jul 2006 12:27:00 PST

Come with me if you want to live

Sean Smith: Beer and pussy. That's all I need. Ronald Fisher: We gotta find ourselves a Smurfette. Sean Smith: Smurfette? Ronald Fisher: Yeah, not some tight-ass Middlesex chick, right? Like this cute...
Posted by Randy on Sun, 16 Jul 2006 12:27:00 PST