[ Ma††y B. ] profile picture

[ Ma††y B. ]

[ slightly bruised ]

About Me

I procrastinate like a mother f'r.

I get paid way too much for what I do.

I recently procreated which has frightened a number of my friends.

getting rich quick has been going very slow for me as of late but at least my creativity has made a come back.

My Interests

The customers at work that say "he got three kids by her," making it sound like he makes paintings for a living as opposed to illegitimate children.Looking through returned cell phones and seeing all the nasty nude photos of people's nasty girlfriends.

I'd like to meet:

The cat from the "hang in there!" posters.

He's obviously had a pretty rough day and needs a friend.

Oh and strangers... weird ones.

September 26th!!!! Who's coming to see Choke with me???

Music:



Movies:



Television:

I try to avoid it, but when I do watch:
Seinfeld,
Family Guy,
The Simpsons,
The Office,
Arrested Development (reruns obviously)
Ghosthunters, SNL,
& Elimidate

Oh yes... and the most important shows

<[ THE ALI G SHOW >>

[ Curb Your Enthusiasm ]

[ * Wonder Showzen * ]

Books:



Heroes:

My Dad, Charlie Sheen, Taco Bell

My Blog

Hey Jerry Bruckheimer... do you like the color red?

Because it will be oozing out of your throat! See reason for stabbing Jerry Bruckheimer below:   http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1093908/   Seriously dude... I was going to let you off after Tra...
Posted by [ Ma y B. ] on Thu, 04 Sep 2008 09:34:00 PST

Back when I was a goth kid...

I would have made fun of myself for making fun of the culture... but really... I couldn't resist when I found gothic personals.  So I uploaded a photo of my favorite creepy dude which I randomly found...
Posted by [ Ma y B. ] on Tue, 03 Jun 2008 10:45:00 PST

Can you help me change time?

Caller:  "Hey my phone was supposed to be turned back on Thursday.  Can you help me?" Me:  "Well what should I help you with exactly?" Caller:  "My phone still isn't on!" Me: ...
Posted by [ Ma y B. ] on Wed, 28 May 2008 11:30:00 PST

... and I was like "HELLOOOO!!!"

So opening day was interesting enough... once I actually got into the game I decided to take the 12 seat as opposed to my assigned 13 since it was open and I didn't want to seem like I was trying to c...
Posted by [ Ma y B. ] on Mon, 07 Apr 2008 12:12:00 PST

Well That’s Fucking Gay...

So a while back some place called "Pulse" added me as a friend.  I approved it without looking at the profile because I figured it was a new bar in Milwaukee. Later today they had a post that sai...
Posted by [ Ma y B. ] on Fri, 28 Mar 2008 06:34:00 PST

Golden Showers

So... I drank two beers and then immediately had to pee them out.  Waited forever. My kidney's began to fail. I peed in some plastic cups that previously housed the beer I had just consumed. I f...
Posted by [ Ma y B. ] on Fri, 08 Feb 2008 03:10:00 PST

FREE MUSTACHE RIDES!!!

After completing dying my facial hair with "Just for Men"... I shaved my beard into a handlebar mustache. I am officially ready for Jim's mustache/bad sweatshirt party.  booyah. [insert your jeal...
Posted by [ Ma y B. ] on Sun, 16 Dec 2007 05:26:00 PST

Feel sorry for someone’s unlucky penis. (I blog what I post, deal with it)

I enjoy looking at the online personals and realizing I'm not missing much.The tantalizing Tuesday Special is apparently... drum roll, please...HATS!UGLY...FUCKING....HATS!!!!!!!Great, my dick is now ...
Posted by [ Ma y B. ] on Tue, 27 Nov 2007 10:32:00 PST

I want to get your INBOX off...

So another gem of spam I received today:Oh you, bonny monkey. you do fancy of a free of cost hard-core, I know it. But damn, who do not.Visit me & feed the ducks on my live-cams, darling.www saveh...
Posted by [ Ma y B. ] on Tue, 27 Nov 2007 06:53:00 PST

The Lemmings of Consumerism...

As most of you kids already know, I spend my days selling cell phones for a certain company and while the job is easy, pays well, and has great benefits... I can't help but be driven insane by the min...
Posted by [ Ma y B. ] on Tue, 20 Nov 2007 03:22:00 PST