[sm]

my myspace music profile is over here .
there's also this if you're up for it.
i couldn't help but notice there was nothing you were saying that could change my mind the very instant i woke up to see you drown while i died a million times the moment i became aware that spending our time in vain was the only one thing making any kind of sense.
mutant. deviation. no reply. sick with fright. no real form. sheer distress. crackling of branches. reddish cliffs. no opposition. quick glimpses outside. reflected in silence. lost cause. almost audible. not human. officially approved. too occupied to notice... like a dumb motherfucker.
what seemed to be a regular invitation for a bleak gathering turned out to be not quite what i expected. it didn’t bother me that much at first but a couple of minutes after it got dark i suddenly started to hear tiny alarms going off just about everywhere. there was something quite unusual about the whole scene, almost as if the air was filled with needles. tried to breathe but the sensation wasn’t as satisfactory as it used to be. after some time the wondering slowly morphed into an overwhelming sense of despair. tried some water. tried some more. stopped trying. desperate attempts to regain control over the situation only seemed to aggravate my delicate position. the look on their faces was also not quite reassuring. when i finally reached the lawn it came to my attention that everybody in the room had followed me. as a matter of fact… they haven’t stopped since…
i still silently remember
the words we never shared
your hands never on my shoulder
no distant whisper in my ear
yet i sleep and cannot but dream
about the hours we vividly spent
and the comfort of your hand
when i softly weep at night
i got so hungry today i had to postpone my daytime escapades in the woods. it has only been a couple of days since my last meal and yet i feel the incomprehensible urge to buy food. again. my legs almost give in on my way to the supermarket. i finally crawl through the main entrance and try to find my way to the cosmetics section. when i finally get there i get hold of a couple of shelves and pull myself up to the point where i am able to reach some lipstick. on my way to the cashier i devour as much as i can dismaying practically everyone i encounter. i'm finally ready to pay for the lipstick with my visa card but as always, leave the supermarket emptyhanded... my face a bloody mess.
so there i was was. nearly gone. though not quite... and yet. as morning awoke they were pushing me towards the end. each one of them. the known, the less familiar and finally the ones i never had the chance to meet. their whispers leading me further. the tedious remarks about my future and the idle past.
but when i looked back i gazed into a vacant landfill.
wondering where all their hands came from.
Everything appeared to be quite normal that Sunday afternoon which now lies somewhere in the nearby past of my suddenly altered lifestyle. I had received the regular social phone calls I had come to expect, naturally trying to fit everything into my already tight schedule, which was solely shaped by a couple of miserable hours to spend before dawn. I had agreed to have a cup of tea at Ms. Wilford's mansion, something I had been attempting to avoid for several months. It turned out that I had very good reasons for doing so as she soon confirmed. She was dressed, as always, impeccably luscious, gracing the estate with a charm that is rarely seen in these parts of the countryside. Entering the house it struck me that every single curtain was firmly closed. Not giving it much attention, however imprudent of me I later came to understand, I squandered through the familiar chambers before reaching the living room i had grown accustomed to over the last couple of years. I think we sat there for half an hour in almost complete silence, only soothed by a single candle burning away impatiently somewhere in the corner of my eyes, before she decided to inform me about the reason of my presence. By now I was not only able to hear the sound of my own breathing but at the same moment, for the first time in many years, a suffocating agony covering the last moments of my former self.
i would have said something but i was kind of unconscious. the price you pay for being chosen. pretty soon they'll be able to dump my body in there or something to that effect. the life story of a lab experiment gone very wrong.