CR!ST! profile picture

CR!ST!

What the fuck does Journey know about South Detroit?!?!

About Me

Famous for nothing radio geek prom queen meets motor city comedian/professional wrestler/roller derby enthusiast. Was once on the raddest fucking derby team in America: The Cleveland Steamers. Referee for roller derby leagues in Northern California. Former soccer coach and current volunteer at the Sacramento County Animal Shelter. Find yourself a forever friend at www.saccountyshelter.netTraining to run in my first 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles) in October. Dreams of becoming an international spy. Has been known to use the following aliases: Cristi Lynn Cantle, Slick Wobbert, Lady Tequila, Jackie Sweet, Starla Malone, President Dirty, Corporate Cristi, Skellawhore and now sadly... Lumberjack. Producer for the Rob, Arnie and Dawn Show. Blonde from the waist down. Any other info is on a need to know basis.
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My Interests

My scars are cooler than your tattoos. This is what I would look like if I dropped 30 lbs and were a cartoon.I am a zombie. I like to eat brains. I hate shotguns & blunt objects. Many of my ancestors died in the Night of the Living Dead disaster in the 70s. I'm pretty sure my womb is like Lake Erie. I want to die from spontaneous combustion. I also like to open mouth kiss.

I'd like to meet:

You, on the track, courtesy of me...

Music:

Anything that makes me want to fight, cry, shake my ass or make the loves. Radiohead, Head Automatica, Dog Fashion Disco, Moto/Mildseven, Portishead, The Pixies, Iggy Pop & the Stooges, Bikini Kill, The Bronx, Eazy E, Mastodon, Most Mike Patton Projects, Wu Tang Clan, The Misfits (feat Danzig), Etta James, Prince, Smashing Pumpkins, Fugazi, Diana Ross & the Supremes, Famous Monsters, QOTSA, Deftones, Sneaker Pimps, Marvin Gaye, Cibo Matto, Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, Outkast, Guitar Wolf, The Cramps, Sly & the Family Stone, Pulp, Weezer, Beastie Boys, Muse, Buffalo Daughter, Fugees, The Postal Service, The Breeders, Al Green, Siouxie and the Banshees, Nina Simone, MC5, The Cars, Lil Kim, The Runaways, Rev. Horton Heat, The Donnas, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Nashville Pussy, Beck, PJ Harvey, Decendents, Helmet, Dead Milkmen, Bear vs Shark, Ike & Tina Turner, Belle & Sebastian, Deelite, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Dissonant, Still Remains, The Rockit King, FTT, Robot Explosion, Stevie Wonder, Jeff Buckley, Denali, the Clash, Man or Astroman?, the Cure, Dangerville, The Ramones, Bleeding Through, Dillenger Escape Plan, A Tribe Called Quest, Nellie McKay, The The, PJ Harvey, Modest Mouse, Built to Spill, Thrice, The Animals, Velvet Underground, Kid Koala, Lovage, Pizzicato Five, Minor Threat, Trivium, The Dandy Warhols, Slayer, The Donnas, Clutch, 2Pac, Biggie, Faith No More, DJ Shadow, Blondie, The Dead Milkmen, The Jim Carrol Band, The Ramones, Weezer, Man or Astroman?, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Clash, Tenacious D, The Afghan Wigs, Social D, Sneaker Pimps(with Kelly Ali), Rollins Band, Helmet, Racounteurs, Primus, Portishead, Fugazi, Ministry, L7, Johnny Cash, so on and so forth. Honestly, I'm cool with just about anything EXCEPT Panic! at the Disco. They're so fucking terrible

Movies:

I only watch movies that star cowboys, robots, pirates, ninjas, spacemen, hobos, magicians or Bruce Campbell. OH! and leprechauns.

Television:

Used to be a Late Night Talk Show Junkie, and then I started working mornings. Always down for Browns, Pistons and Indians Games. Old Law and Order reruns are good in a pinch. When I lived in Kentucky I was addicted to Friday Night Standup on Comedy Central. Adult Swim is the bomb. Everything I like gets canceled, which means Heroes, 30 Rock, The Office, Family Guy, South Park and It's Always Sunny in Philly are fucked. Lucky Louie was the shit! HBO can suck it. I'm all about Project Runway, but the cast this year is SO unlikable.

Books:

Last few books I read were "Comedy at the Edge", "100 Minute Bible", "Valley of the Dolls", "Sex Drugs and CoCo Puffs", "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil", "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People", "The Game", "High Fidelity", "If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B-Movie Actor", "Middlesex" and "How to Make Love Like a Pornstar". Working on Moby Dick again.

Heroes:

Mark "Munch" Bishop, Kim, Jack and Cade Dorer, Helen June Kasky, Don & Diana Cantle and all my bitches in the BRRG. ..
adopt your own virtual pet! ..

My Blog

To my guy friends and other Cavaliers fans

I saw a show this weekend that you would probably never watch. It's called The Real Housewives of Atlanta on Bravo. This is terrible reality show where they follow around a bunch of overprivleged bitc...
Posted by CR!ST! on Wed, 15 Oct 2008 09:27:00 PST

A Retarded Moment

Also as seen at http://www.robarnieanddawn.com/newsite/prodblog.html: This weekend my boyfriend's mother and husband came to visit us from Michigan. On Sunday while we were locking up the house and ab...
Posted by CR!ST! on Wed, 08 Oct 2008 05:26:00 PST

Scenes Best of Cleveland 2008

Frank Lewis over at Scene Magazine in Cleveland asked me to write 100-200 words for their Best of Cleveland issue coming out Oct 8th. There will be a collection of folks writing about what they love ...
Posted by CR!ST! on Wed, 01 Oct 2008 10:38:00 PST

Chica Update 3

I just received these 2 email at robarnieanddawn.com: Hello, I'd just like to share- mostly for Cristi's sake- that my girlfriend April and I are the lucky ones who adopted Chica. I just wanted t...
Posted by CR!ST! on Mon, 22 Sep 2008 06:40:00 PST

CHICA UPDATE: ADOPTED!!!

Thank you to everyone who expressed their concern over little Chica. I went to visit her yesterday and she was so sweet. As soon as she saw me she jumped in my lap and made me scratch her belly. I'm s...
Posted by CR!ST! on Thu, 18 Sep 2008 09:43:00 PST

My new best friend

Since moving to out here, I have become a volunteer at the Sacramento County Animal Shelter. Over the last few months I have had a ball with dogs of all shapes and sizes. When I go to the shelter to d...
Posted by CR!ST! on Tue, 16 Sep 2008 10:31:00 PST

Im sorry my last blog was too far above your head...this should make up for it

Click the following link to read about boobs. Unfortunately mine...http://www.robarnieanddawn.com/newsite/prodblog.html
Posted by CR!ST! on Sun, 24 Aug 2008 11:55:00 PST

Never before have old white men in suits made me so excited

From allaccess.com:   Former FCCers Tell Court To End FCC Indecency 'Crusade'  An amicus brief filed with the SUPREME COURT in the FOX indecency case by an array of former FCC luminaries ...
Posted by CR!ST! on Tue, 12 Aug 2008 08:30:00 PST

Skellawhore’s Midwest Rampage: Coming to a City Near You!

Here's the boogie:Minneapolis MN: July 12th - 14thAgenda: Wedding on the 12th, driving through the U.P. on the 14thAlpena, MI: July 14th - 16thAgenda: Family, Family, Family!Grand Rapids, MI: Jul...
Posted by CR!ST! on Mon, 07 Jul 2008 09:25:00 PST

the last few moments of being 28...

My 28th was a good year. It started with a kickball game featuring many of my best friends in Cleveland, OH.It ended today fighting with a bum on the street in Sacramento, CA.Oh yeah, and I finally ra...
Posted by CR!ST! on Tue, 17 Jun 2008 08:40:00 PST