My childhood was spend in Lithuania, which was at the time still part of former Soviet Union, growing up in large drab apartment houses which resembled gray building blocks systematically set up like American project communities. These apartments would house up to 100 flats at a time.
I was exposed to death at an early age. When someone would die in one of the flats or anywhere in the surrounding area, tradition would be to keep the dead in the flat for three days. The way to the dead persons place would be marked with pine tree branches. I would follow the branches to the apartment where the dead lay in a beautiful decorated coffin. This experience filled me with a sense of wonder. It was a very unknown and mystical feeling to be exposed to this kind of death. But sometimes I would see a different face of death. Even on the farm where I would stay with my grandmother, I would see the beheading of chickens, rabbits skinned, and pigs slaughtered. These images were burned into my mind. She always taught me to have compassion for all animals. But I couldn’t understand the contradiction of being taught to love them and at the same time slaughtering them in a violent manner which seemed perfectly acceptable to everyone. It was a frightening love I couldn’t understand. I was longing for a pure love. Love which inspires one to see everybody as yourself. Love above violence, love above selfishness, love which does not heed the presents of death. This love, with the scenes of death inspired me to start painting early and to seek for that love and awareness as an artist.
In my paintings, children are in static postures as if frozen in the moment of contemplation or experience of something otherworldly and unseen. They are innocent and venerable, but their eyes and postures conveys the maturity and readiness to meet an unknown. In some scenes there are the grotesque creatures which creates an atmosphere of insecurity and temporality. A character of a grim reaper representing death also appears in some paintings reminding them of the fleeting nature of life, youthfulness, and pleasure. The children's characters are aware of existence of another dimension unseen with the naked eye. This is a place where grotesque creatures resides. Also they do not feel the difference between dream and a wakeful state. However, because of their innocence they are venerable and frightened. They have an innocent ability to trust and love purely without judgment. Their devotion and sincere trust opens up the door to that higher dimension and calls for protection and an interference from the Divine. That Divine sheds the light of self awareness and an understanding of the real existence which is full of bliss, knowledge, and eternity. It is above duality of youth and old age. It is life and death full of pure love without boundaries.www.renatapalubinskas.com
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