"i'm not afraid of heights - i'm afraid of falling... i'm not scared of the dark - i'm scared of whats in it... and i'm not afraid of love - i'm afraid of not being loved back..." but none of that stops me from living, and trying, and learning. (thanks to bethany for the quote!)
yes, i'm trying to live my life, as chaotic and unseemly as it seems to most people... and thats about all i can say anymore. i live and breathe for my girls. they are my first and everything now, beginning to end.
music is my other personal motivation. it's my work, my living, my entertainment and my dreams beyond my girls. it's the life i lead. some people listen to music, my life is significantly defined by it. i love for music to move me... be it a ripping guitar solo, a moving rythym, a touching lyric or a voice that could only have come from god.
my top friends are the important kids in my life (who have a myspace) and my favorite band and dear friends, the sick puppies. this doesn't mean i don't love my friends, but kids and bands = no drama and no favoritism! lol!
i love the thought of limitless possibilities and enjoying never reaching the end. i'd rather spend time soaking up the effort. i look forward to looking for the little surprises I know are there if I just keep my mind wide, wide open. i love to just watch and look at everything and i never get tired of the things so many people take for granted. i love living in a movie until the credits kick me out of it. a simple intentional touch in the morning can get me through the worst day and some memories will get me through the rest of my life.
i think somewhere the right person for me exists, but it's not important to me right now to have that defined. that person will eventualy just "be" in my life and accept me as who i am. for now, my girls and i are just trying to survive day to day. i know now that the right things are happening, that i am truly on the right path, for the right reasons. i believe in this with all my heart and soul and i won't accept anything less for myself or my girls. i'll remind the people i care about every day how much i appreciate them - without fail - because they're worth it. not to say things can't get difficult... we have walls in our lives to help us figure out how badly we want things. but going through the bad stuff just re-enforces the good!
i work from home, and work in the music industry, because that is how i've chosen to define my life. it allows me to spend time with my children and with my friends to my hearts content and still work more hours than most people i know. i LOVE what i do! i coach soccer to be around my oldest daughter and to be a part of her life. i help both my daughters classrooms at school. i live my life on MY terms, not conventional society telling me to work 50 miles away at a 9-5 job so my kids can grow up being closer to a day care provider than their own father!
