§hayfu§™ profile picture

§hayfu§™

A fart is just your soul trying to escape!

About Me

Ah, this is the "about me" part. Well, Im a pathetic yet handsome and rich, drunk asshole, that loves to cook and eat. Especially anything that used to be alive, for I am a meat freak that loves to feast on seared flesh (and nibble on the non-edible kind of the female origin). I have cheated death more than I care to count, so it might be dangerous to be near me. So ladies, be cautious... cause I'll grab that arse! But it's all harmless, I make out with all my friends, that's just what we do... but I'm not queer! So fellas.. sorry, I like snatch. Some people say I look like Sean Connery, but not as tall and hairy and MUCH better looking. When I was 2, I was adopted by a family of dyslexic racoons that taught me how to gift through sarbage and geed out all the wood num-nums. When I hit 13 I was arrested for breaking up a circus and assaulting the clowns... those freaking colorful demons!! 20 of those fat bastards CAN NOT fit into a car the size of a refridgerator. At 18 I got out of jail and started the "Pennies for Porno" bait and tackle shop in Alton Park. After many burglaries and trips to court, I went legit. At 21 I started to drink heavily and pretend I was crippled so I could beg for beer money. Then I was run over by illegal mexicans... karma huh? I guess thats from the clown episode when I was a kid, since mexicans crowd up in a fridge sized living space too. Now, fake hip and all, I can create just about anything you want... yeah, pretty much. Just ask anybody on this friend list o'mine, if they say something else, well.. they're lying and please tell me so I can crack their ankles with a frozen orange. Well, thats enough to get you started, if you don't wanna be my friend now?.... fuck it, your loss. Peace out
Yahoo Messenger = shayfus
AIM = shayfus (duh!)
-----Click to go to my website!.... SORRY, I need to update the somnbitch

My Interests

Eating, lovin', cooking, music, eating, art, explosives, drinking, explosive drinking, eating, working, foreplay, fuckin, tattoos, pain, eating, peeing on the seat, leaving the freezer open, sleeping, farting...oh did mention eating?

I'd like to meet:

Kool-Aid Man, Takeru Kobayashi, Frankenstien, Milla Jovovich, Arlo Guthrie, Soleil Moon Frye, Hamburglar, John Belushi, Mr. Peanut, The Keebler Elves, Johnny Depp, Benji, Dave Chappelle, Jesus, and those damn 3 Mexicans that ran me over with thier truck..and ran off like fucking pussies!!! (I hope ya'll choke on a chalupa!!) But, most of all..I want to meet my soulmate, which is anyone(female) that will buy me stuff, make out in public, and also wake me up in that "special" way!!. I like women that will mow the grass and rub my feet or "whatever" after a bad day at golf,....er, I mean work!
THIS IS 6 OF MY FRIENDS AT THE BESSIE SMITH STRUT
check out the sign!!
FALL 2004 E Division Champs!!! ~The Dirty Sanchez~
FALL 2006 F Division Champs!!! ~The Panty Hamsters~Look at the sexy beast on the left!!

Music:

Steely Dan, 311, Grateful Dead, Micheal Hedges, Curtis Mayfield, Pink Floyd, Johnny Cash, Arlo Guthrie, ~to~ Rage, Dead Kennedys, Nine Inch Nails, Dropkick Murphys, Marilyn Manson, Afroman, Tool, Social Distortion, Monster Magnet...etc. pretty much all genres! Anything that is "real instruments!" Lots of punk, some hip-hop and "yes!!!" some rap..(holy shit!!), most hippy stuff and classic rock..Hell, even SOME country but. I fuckin' hate most techno, I'd rather get a handjob by a pissed off lumberjack with kitty litter!. I write my own music too......with bubbles..........that I make myself........in the bafftub.

Movies:

Usual Suspects, 28 days later, Corndog Man, Stand by Me, The Jerk, Willy Wonka, Stripes, Nightmare before Christmas, Lucky Number Slevin, Caveman, Slingblade, Weird Science, Dawn of the Dead, Blow, Lord of the Rings, Kill Bill, and all MARVEL, Stanley Kubrick & Kevin Smith movies. Pretty much anything that is worth a shit! Scary, Funny, Dramatic, and even the crappy cheap B movies like Toxic Avenger and Class of Nuke em' High. Ive been in a few amatuer movies myself, I was a retared security guard, a rich disco owner, an Italian chef, but I was primarily a stunt cock.

Television:

DEXTER, Scrubs, Trailer Park Boys, Family Guy, Simpsons, Futurama, Heroes, Monk, Southpark, Soprano's, Jepoardy, OZ, Dirty Jobs, Mythbusters, Kids in the Hall, Young Ones, Adult Swim or just channel 58..FOOD NETWORK!!! And anything really cheesy like an after-school special starring Joyce DeWitt and that guy on....umm....you know! that show! with the guy, and the thingy....that blinked.....

Books:

Lord of the Rings, beermaking, my arrest reports, hate mail, and good magazines like Playboy, Hustler and Hightimes. I like to surf the web sometimes...If Im not looking at porn, Im checking out websites like :

Liquidgeneration
Newgrounds
Homestar Runner

Heroes:

Willy Wonka, Forest Gump, the chick down the street that can eat her own fist, Sonya "Black Widow" Thomas.. showing women that you can stuff yourself and stay ladylike, people who quit hard drugs and join the service. The guy that invented Ziploc bags and the birth control pill (not the same guy, I don't think?) But especially my Grandma, Grandpa, Dad, and Bart (my dog).. I miss you all so very much!!!

My Blog

Seth McFarlane Interviews

Here is the listings for Seth McFarlane speaking to the Harvard Graduates of 2006 (Seth is the creator of Family Guy..... dipshit!) Here he is talking as.... PETER Watch Video STEWIE Watch Video QUAGM...
Posted by §hayfu§" on Wed, 05 Jul 2006 01:10:00 PST

Ultimate Showdown

I have already posted this as a bulletin. For those who aren't subscribed as "readers"...losers! Anywhoo... This is a cartoon with cameos from "hero" type icons all duking it out!... The music is what...
Posted by §hayfu§" on Fri, 23 Dec 2005 10:36:00 PST

Happy Thanksgiving (cartoon)

Here is an interactive cooking cartoon show with Tako the Octopus.       Emeril... stand back!! Enjoy!! CLICK 4 FLICK...
Posted by §hayfu§" on Wed, 23 Nov 2005 02:16:00 PST

A.M. Radio

This is a video by Everclear, with animation supplied by Camp Chaos. It is chock full of 70's TV icons. How many do you see?? Click link below...... Enjoy!!!!... respond if you wish! CLICK 4...
Posted by §hayfu§" on Sat, 12 Nov 2005 09:18:00 PST

I Want A Fat Babe (video)

The Snacktreat Boys.. I want a fat babe!! This is a parody of the Backstreet Boys, singing their hit song... um... something that sounds like "Fat Babe".... oh well... nevermind. Enjoy!!! CLICK 4 FLIC...
Posted by §hayfu§" on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Little Foot

LITTLE FOOT This is a story about a momma'?, looking for her baby and finding him in the hands of Bitey, a Pan type creature. This is animation by Adam Phillips, creator of Breckenwood. I love the sty...
Posted by §hayfu§" on Fri, 11 Nov 2005 07:34:00 PST

SUBLIME (Date Rape Video)

SUBLIME Date Rape Here is the rare video from the late band Sublime.I stumbled on this and had to share with the fans!!!!They don't show it anymore due to the content of the song.Check out who the jud...
Posted by §hayfu§" on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Waffle House Sucks!

I am staying in a hotel in Nashville for my work. Of course my company is paying for everything.. food, hotel, mileage... but that doesn't mean I don't have to pay ....one way or another. It is 8pm on...
Posted by §hayfu§" on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Fuck Her Gently (video)

Tenacious D Fuck Her GentlyJack Black & Kyle Gass piss the Devil off in the hilarious video!! CLICK 4 FLICK...
Posted by §hayfu§" on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Who's my baby's daddy? (cartoon)

Shirley Q. Liquor ...Who's my baby's daddy This is a hilarious song given to us by the vivatious Shirley Q. Liquor. She is a southern drag queen that brings ebonics to a whole new level. Enjoy!!! CLIC...
Posted by §hayfu§" on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST