Miss Gardenia Bloom profile picture

Miss Gardenia Bloom

The World's Oldest Living Female Impersonator

About Me

Hey there Sugar Lumps!I've been hounded by my many fans for years and years to create an online venue so they can keep in touch with their favorite cross-dressing legend, me! (This forum is much more condusive for that than my homepage, www.missgardenia.com). So, skip the homepage and let's just sit a spell here on MySpace...I'll have one of my half-dressed, home-grown Georgia country boys pour us a tall, iced cold cocktail. Because at my age, Miss Gardenia doesn't go out in Atlanta or anywhere else in the world, for that matter...the world and Atlanta comes to Miss Gardenia.Whenever you log on you'll find me sitting in my enormous four-poster bed draped in white chiffon. I'm always surrounded by white satin pillows, piles of white goosedown coverlets, fan mail, my trusty laptop and my ever-faithful, also white, Pomeranian; Julep. It's from my all-white boudoir that I type hugs and smooches to millions everday. When I'm not on MySpace, you can still find me in bed watching usually silent movies, and other film classics, on my laptop. I'm extremely old what do you expect? Plus I'm used to spending a lot of time in bed...it's just years ago I wasn't watching love scenes, I was creating them!Speaking of love scenes, from time to time you'll find my sixth husband either in my room or on my connecting veranda. Known my most simply as Captain Earl, he is a tall stalwart bear of a man who loves Civil War reenactments, any food that has been fried and his Gardenia Bloom! I've been married to a jeweler, a big band musician, a heavyweight boxer, a lion tamer and a gambler, but I must admit in his full Confederate uniform, my Captain Earl is still a dashing vision in grey and without question is the best looking of all my husbands.Do drop in anytime Sugar Lump! Just make yourself to home and enjoy some good old-fashioned Southern hospitality. Hugs and smooches...Mmmmwah!!

My Interests

I adore fashion, desserts and other people's business. I refuse to eat food anymore unless it is dessert. No more meat, fruit and especially vegetables for Miss Gardenia. They are insipid and have no business on any table! Cakes, pies and all sorts of confections are the delights I crave. They give me the much-needed sugar rush I need at my advanced age.My mantra is: SUGAR, it's the breakfast, lunch and dinner of champions!

I'd like to meet:

Well, I've already met everyone worth meeting from 1909 to 2008. That's more people than Carter had liver pills! Many of them I slept with several times and sometimes we even had sex too.I began my entertainment career in theaters and underground bars long before World War One. In fact, I was such a bombshell, it was rumored I became one of our country's secret weapons! In my lifetime I've gone from oil lamps for light and chamber pots for crap to now, MySpace for enlighting crap. Don't ya just love technology and what they call progress?With all that prattle said, I'm always open to meeting new people and making new friends. I just adore my MySpace friends...they are fabulous, diverse and all originals in their own beautiful way! Feel free to look them over and then beg for their friendship...they might be kind to you and agree. Hehehehe!!

Music:

I love all kinds of music and so does Julep. We lay here in bed and jam to hundreds of tunes...many from my MySpace friends. Check them out, they are great. I also enjoy ragtime, swing, Broadway show tunes, big band and I'd be lying like a scatter rug if I didn't say Disco too. Hell, even Ethel Merman made a disco album. I was contracted once with Capitol Records to cut a disco album too back then, until I heard Ethel's. The next day I had my lawyers break the contract! You understand.

Movies:

I was selected to play the part of Scarlett O'Hara in 1937 before filming started on "Gone With The Wind". I figured the hoop skirt and crenolines would conceal my "gardenia stem"...but the studio executives disagreed. Vivien Leigh got the part. It is not true that I'm still bitter or that I caught the soundstage on fire out of anger, causing them to have to film the burning of Atlanta earlier than planned. It is also not true that I threw a fried chicken leg at Vivien Leigh at the premiere of GWTW. All were just bold-face lies, Sugar Lumps!

Television:

I had the first reality show on TV in 1954 called "Wake Up With Miss Gardenia". A simple talk show plot where I would interview a different guest as we ate breakfast in bed. Of course, when the network found out with whom I was waking up the show was cancelled.

Books:

My first choice would be "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" by my friend Bill and why? Because I'm featured in the prose of this snappy comedic romance. The book is Bill's first novel. Once he finds a publisher I'll be even more famous. Which I doubt at my age my poor heart can handle, but I'll give it a shot! Bill has also just completed his second novel, "Ginger Ale" and is working on two more; "Satin Doll" and "Staying Alive".

Heroes:

Lawd, the list is long. It starts with my mother and finds people like FDR, Jackie Kennedy, The Queen Mother, Pope John Paul II, the Planter's Peanut Man, Joe DiMaggio and Mother Teresa for starters because they all were examples, in their own way, of how great our world can be. Also, high on the list is Myself of course!

My Blog

Congratlations Anthony!!

Hello all my wonderful Sugar Lumps! Let's give a big round of applause to Anthony for being Miss Gardenia's 1,000th friend!!!  http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewpro file&fr...
Posted by Miss Gardenia Bloom on Mon, 20 Oct 2008 08:19:00 PST

Miss Gardenia’s Porch: Smile...it’s a powerful thing

Miss Gardenia, I'm always depressed and feel life is passing me by. My job sucks and I always pick the wrong guy for a boyfriend. I think I'm going to be sad forever.  Sad and unmedicated. Dear U...
Posted by Miss Gardenia Bloom on Tue, 14 Oct 2008 08:53:00 PST

Hurray for Jason!

Hello all my Sugar Lumps! Let's give a big round of applause for "Jason from Mississippi" who just became Miss Gardenia's "Friend Number 500". . .if I was a supermarket, Jason would win a year's suppl...
Posted by Miss Gardenia Bloom on Tue, 14 Oct 2008 08:38:00 PST

Road Trip

Lawd I am tired Sugar Lumps, The Captain (my Civil War reenactor husband), Julep and I fired up my Cadillac and took a road trip today.  Why?  Because my man wanted BBQ.  I am here to t...
Posted by Miss Gardenia Bloom on Sun, 12 Oct 2008 09:39:00 PST

Miss Gardenia’s Porch: The Name Game

Miss G, While in the middle of lovemaking, my boyfriend almost called me by another girl's name. You can imagine my surprise and humiliation!  He apologized. What do I do the next time we make lo...
Posted by Miss Gardenia Bloom on Tue, 07 Oct 2008 10:23:00 PST

Miss Gardenia’s Porch: Okay to drink?

Dear Miss Gardenia, Is it okay to drink wine if someone is an alcoholic?  My friend says it is okay.  Dear Sugar Lump,  Newsflash. . .your friend is an alcoholic!  Lock up&nb...
Posted by Miss Gardenia Bloom on Mon, 06 Oct 2008 10:21:00 PST

Miss Gardenia’s Porch: Chinese problem

Hello Miss Gardenia, I love Chinese food and my boyfriend hates it. How can I enjoy my Chinese and still feed him.  Hungry for WonTon Dearest Won Ton,  When did it become your responsib...
Posted by Miss Gardenia Bloom on Mon, 06 Oct 2008 10:13:00 PST

Miss Gardenias Porch: Hornets

Miss Gardenia, I love to sit on my porch just like you. But I'm always attacked by hornets. I've tried everything and they are still there. What can I do to kill them?  Tired of Being Stung My St...
Posted by Miss Gardenia Bloom on Thu, 02 Oct 2008 07:38:00 PST

Miss Gardenia’s Porch: Working Late

Miss Gard, My husband works late every night. How do I make him come home on time. I miss him. Sugar Lump, Your problem is simple. When he walks in the door late give him a blowjob followed by a big s...
Posted by Miss Gardenia Bloom on Thu, 02 Oct 2008 09:04:00 PST

Miss Gardenias Porch: Voting

Hey, how should I vote in November? My dear Sugar Lump, Miss Gardenia can only give you this advice. . .vote from the heart, but vote! This bullshit I've heard people prattle on about "...
Posted by Miss Gardenia Bloom on Thu, 02 Oct 2008 08:55:00 PST