The Levees

The Levees: A History
Written by Martin Statusberg
The story of The Levees begins long, long ago in a forgotten, insignificant place known only as “Oklahoma”. In a stable filled with hay, surrounded by three wise men, a boy named Jon Fleming entered this world. Jon grew up fast, branding cattle and roping pigs in the small town of Assfuck Nowheresville, Oklahoma. Soon he was strumming the guitar like a pro, and singing folk love songs.
Boy George Jon Boy
As a teen, Jon began his career as a drifting cowboy, driving cattle and fucking Indians with his guitar in hand. His partner Shaky Crotchands and him drove cattle all over this country, singing and writing songs. After Jon’s song about Shaky, entitled “I can take U”, hit 1 on the Cowboy Music Charts, he adopted the name “Jon Boy” (in tribute to his hero Boy George) and made his way to the bi-curious musician promised land: San Francisco. Jon’s early life would become the basis for the Academy-Award winning movie “Brokeback Mountain”.
Meanwhile in California, two rock-star-sex-machines were in the making. Tim Hance grew up quick on the mean streets of Watts in South Central Los Angeles. During High School Tim began jamming in a garage on a drum set with a couple guitar-playing members of the Grape Street Watts Crips. Soon Tim’s dream of becoming the craziest, blackest, and highest gang member to ever live was about to be realized.
Tim (aka “Timmy”) managed to stay “sucka free” with his “nigga juice” and go on to rise in the ranks of the Crips to the rank of Level 50 Triple OG. However, his promising career of crack and dope slangin’ was about to be cut short. One day, during one of his many stints in prison, Tim was brushing his teeth in the reflection off the toilet, when he noticed something on his face. He tried to wipe it off, but to no avail. Horrified, he splashed prison toilet water on his face, but the white mess would not come off! The realization hit him like an angry pimp: he was white! The white mess was his face and he wasn't even slightly black. Thus his career as a dope slangin’ gangsta Crip was ended. The only thing left was to pack up his drums, leave his homies behind and head north to Sonoma County.
Timmy Kenny
The last piece of the puzzle was born sometime in the 50-60’s (It is impossible to know an exact date but Kenny is obviously creepily old) as Kenny Bringhurst. Kenny was born and raised in Sonoma County, groomed from birth to fulfill his destiny as a Corporate Slave (otherwise known as “Lowe’s Bitch”). At the age of ten, with only his bass guitar and a burrito from El Favorito, Kenny was sent from his parents to train in a monastery with the Lowe’s Master, Jave Berlin, in the ancient art of Zone Recovery. Kenny quickly mastered the secret “Getting-Bitched-By-Customers” form, as well as the very difficult “Hungover-On-Four-Hours-Sleep”.
At the age of forty Kenny’s training was complete, and he started his first thirty-hour shift at Lowe’s. Despite all his training Kenny felt like he was missing something, until one day it dawned on him. Kenny was missing his spine, soul and life! He knew he had to do something, so after his 27 hour shift was over he set out with one goal and one goal only; To start the greatest band in the world
Tim and Kenny soon began jamming on Kenny’s previous, lesser bands equipment in the studio. After composing a few songs, they would play furiously at drunken orgies in Kenny’s upscale Santa Rosa Ave neighborhood. In need of a real guitar player, they met Jon Boy at a house party in Santa Rosa. Jon came over to the pad, played a couple songs and thus The Levees were born.
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