Mellis realised his rants were going to waste, therefore decided to put them to music. He is an arty cunt, Stiv and Jack (and now Ben) are not.
(Mellis):
1) I am not an 'arty cunt', I have no artistic talent, I am a 'pretentious cunt'.
2) Stiv and Jack whilst not being either 'arty' or 'pretentious' are both very definitely cunts.
I was challenged at the pub to write lyrics for ten songs in a week so we could record them. I managed it but then tore the cartilage in my leg whilst dancing pissed/stoned the day before we were meant to record. Twat. We will get round to recording it though. The album will be called 'Ceci n'est Pas Une Art Punk Band' (in honour of the painting 'Ceci n'est Pas Une Pipe' by René Magritte, look it up). Anyway, it will be terrible because I can't sing and don't have a weird enough voice to pull off spoken word delivery (like Mark E. Smith). In short, nobody will like it but that's pretty much the point.
(Stiv):
I thought we were making a Beatles tribute band. Oh well, noise is second best I suppose.
(Mellis):
I know what you're all thinking 'How do they get that fantastic sound? It's like a symphony of noise genius!' Well the secret to the sound of Shapey McFuck's Riveting Giclée & The Pornographic Daguerreotypes is in the way it's recorded. No mixing equipment, none of this eight-track bollocks, three tiny amps crowded around a battered old cassette player with vocals spoken into a pair of headphones (microphones? fuck off!). We are the most punk rock act since the late 70's. The purity is in what we're saying not in the clean notes and balanced sound that a producer would impose. Put that in your Marlboro Lights and smoke it!
(Stiv):
Recently a Wikipedia entry was attempted but was immediately deleted on the grounds of being 'a non-notable band with only one song'. However true this may be, I still feel that this is prejudiced and I'm currently in the process of writing a letter to my MP.
(Mellis):
The new song 'Mad Dogs Are Englishmen' is probably my worst set of lyrics, not helped by the fact that I had to cut half of them to fit the riff. That said it is anti-BNP so it can't be anything below 'well intentioned'. The use of the strimmer really doesn't fit the song at all, and is therefore all the better. By-the-way, we're now registered on the NME site as new 'talent' so give us your support there.
(Stiv):
As of yesterday, Ben joined the band playing bass. We have a new song including his talents, and his presence means that Jack can now wildly shred whenever he wants. And we can do bass solos. And maybe even play a gig, you never know your luck.
(Mellis):
Well, another session, another song. We finally nail the recording of '15? So What?' which has been causing us considerable stylistic problems for a while now. Could the song be more generic? I really doubt it. I like to think my reggae vocals are respectable enough not to be considered racist, I hope 'fans' agree. That's the EP sorted, it will soon be in the post to, amongst others, EMI, Radio 1 and NME.
(Stiv):
If anyone wants to give us a gig, please do, the others all don't want to play live, therefore it needs to be done just to annoy them
(Mellis):
Two more tracks for all the raving fans out there to crank up to 11 and cruise down the high street to, 'Laugh At The Automaton' a return to our hardcore roots and out first ever instrumental-improv track 'Iranian Gas Mask'. Absolute belters the both of them. Keep an eye out too fans....we may be broadening our musical stylings still further in the near future......
