Music, movies, dancing, spanking, dressing up, boozing, burlesque, bondage and the various arts of seduction & tease. Comedy is my worst dirty little secret. I'm not a big fan of anything typically girly or romantic but if you can make me laugh, I'm all yours.
Mostly I like dancing in my underwear and tasting the rain (I'm a girl from the gutter).
The above statement was a lie. Tho I do own underwear, several thousand pairs to be precise.
* I'm a jive talkin no-it-all, with a big gobby mouth (tho ironically, its quite small physically).
* I'm crazy about 80's music/films.
* I'm 1st mate aboard the Pirate Ship Glug where I serve as disciplinarian and mother to a crew of worthless louts and a Captain whose charge is never far from mutiny.
* I have a frighteningly powerful imagination.
* I'm a LUSH.
* I'd walk across the city for a good cup of coffee but I wouldn't get up to change the channel.
* I used to be a genius and am cursed with the burden of knowledge.
* I'm pretty nerdy at the best of times; I read comics (graphic novels for all you elitests out there), I wear glasses and I have braces but being nerdy is cool these days, right?
* I'm a fucking shopaholic. Oh the shame!
* I believe Prince (yes, the symbol) is in fact a God; my God; Our Lord and Saviour.
* I juggle poi (I know one super cool trick that makes me look uber talented).
* I like walking. It clears my head and gives me solace.
* When Linda and I were 16 we wrote a play entitled "Real Men Wear Make-up", enough said really.
* I play bass, tho occasionally it looks more like I'm humping the big beautiful beast!
* I'm back in college studying Criminal Law. Friends will be glad to know; college and I, alternately, kick each others asses.
* I have a penchant for thieving. If it ain't nailed down, it's probably comin home with me. Anything from a cigar tube to a piece of wall tile.
* I treat my body like a disposeable mechanical bull.
* I've been ordained online.
* I'm a biter. Yes.
* I'm not really hard, it's just there's not a whole lot that's soft about me.
Perfume : The Story of a Killer
If you like your overwhelming sensuality bursting from the corset, I recommend this.
My purpose in life is to make people feel like this...
I'd like to meet:
Keyser Söze, Jack Sparra' and Prince....though, having met the latter I would surely EXPLODE in glorious ecstacy.
CAP'N MIKE'S PEARLS OF WISDOM
Cap'n Mike says: No, Im just tired of it you know? I want a relationship to put it bluntly. Then I can have the fun. And the only ones what want relationships are all.....well... not up to par???
During a shit day at the office, Cap'n Mike arrives to save the day:
...*sets fire to stack of papers...commences to pillage the rest of the place for supplies and booze.....making ready to set sail and fuck the world like whooers* Huzzah!! *pulls out cutlass and runs out of the room screaming bloody murder* you should leave it to me Rev!
Living proof that Mike is a great friend.
MISCELLANEOUS:"I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." --Mark Twain
Music:
Prince....
is the only music that truely exists for me.
But as my time machine is still under construction, I'll listen to any and all of the following:
* Denotes Preference
Abba
Air
Basement Jaxx
Beastie Boys
Beck
Beta Band
*Billie Holiday
Billy Idol
Blink 182
Bloc Party
Blondie
Bob Marley
Boy Meets Girl
Cardigans
*Chemical Brothers
Cyndi Lauper
*DAFT PUNK
Dave Morales
David Bowie
Depeche Mode
Deus
Distillers
Dolly Parton
*Django Reinhardt
Duran Duran
Earth Wind & Fire
Ella Fitzgerald
Erykah Badu
Eurythmics
Faithless
Fat Bot Slim
Feeder
Frank Sinatra
Frankie Knuckles
FLC
Garbage
Goldfrapp
Gorillaz
Grandaddy
Green Day
Hall & Oates
Incubus
Jackson 5
*Jeff Buckley
*Leonard Cohen
Madness
Manics
Massive Attack
Moloko
Morris Day and The 'Motherfuckin' Time
My Chemical Romance
Nat King Cole
Nikka Costa
*Nina Simone
Otis Redding
Panic! @ The Disco
Pat Benatar
Patrick Wolf
Pixies
Placebo
Pointer Sisters
Powderfinger
*Prodigy
*Radiohead
Rage Against the Machine
Ray Lamontagne
Regina Spektor
Rodrigo y Garbiela
Royksopp
Salsa
Sigur Ros
Sister Sledge
*Skunk Anansie
Snow Patrol
Soft Cell
Stevie Wonder
Super Furry Animals
Supergrass
Tears for Fears
*The Cure
*The Doors
The Foos
*The Four Tops
The Frames
The Jam
The New Power Generation
*They Might Be Giants
Thin Lizzy
Tim Buckley
Travis
Turin Brakes
Upgrades
Weezer
*Wet Wet Wet (yes, I feel it in my fingers)
And so on and so forth. I'll admit to liking a bit of MathRock cause its just a little bit funky.
What can I say, I like what I like. If I had the time to be more musically nerdy, who knows.
MORE GUILTY PLEASURESThe Pointer Sisters However......
I do hate snobby elitest music aficionados who dont even play an instrument (not even the recorder) and think that because they knew Radiohead back in the day when Tom Yorke had 2 good eyes (!!), that somehow that gives them a right to piss all over everyone elses musical taste! People who make the rest of us, who don't have an encyclopedic knowledge of all things subculture, feel like our lives are incomplete as a result.
Take it easy kids. It IS possible to have a lifelong monogamous relationship with one band/musician; to NOT be a musical whore for the next unknown, unsigned new thing; AND to not act like a petulent spolied brat all the time.
Don't fuck with my music taste
Movies:
WHAT MOVIE ARE YOU FROM: Pirates of the Carribean
PIRATE VOCABULARLY:
Shiver me timbers you know loads about pirate vocabulary matey so splice the mainbrace and celebrate! Huzzah!!
MOVIES:
Secretary
Purple Rain
Under the Cherry Moon
8mm
Best Laid Plans
Amelie
Run Lola Run
Taxi (1 and 2, the original French version)
Transamerica
Twelve Angry Men
Me and You and Everyone We Know
Babylon Disease
Serenity
Haunted Honeymoon
A Guide for the Married Man
Preaching to the Perverted
The Machinist
Virgin Suicides
Little Miss Sunshine
The Lawn Dogs
Children of Men
Perfume
Lost in Translation
Igby Goes Down
Heavenly Creatures
Pi
Spun
Ghost World
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Reservoir Dogs
Pulp Fiction
Four Rooms
Chopper
American History X
Dazed and Confuzed
True Romance
Withnail & I
Super Troopers/Club Dread
Requiem for a Dream
House of Flying Daggers
Memoirs of a Geisha
Crouching Tiger..
The Weeping Camal
Clerks
Mallrats
Dogma
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Team America World Police
Sideways
Dodgeball
Zoolander
Chocolat
The Ninth Gate
25th Hour
Fight Club
The Hot Chick
High Fidelity
Anything 80's
War of the Roses (describes every relationship I've ever had)
Romancing the Stone
Jewel of the Nile
Weird Science
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Rocky Horror
The Notorious Betty Page
Sweet and Lowdown
9 1/2 Weeks
Pretty in Pink
The Breakfast Club
Princess Bride
Mannequin
Back to the Future (1 and 2 only)
Gremlins
The Santa Clause (original)
The Goonies
Labyrinth
Splash
Big
The Way We Were
The Burbs
Scrooged
Ghostbusters
Indiana Jones (Last Crusade)
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (But only for the childnapper)
Police Academy
Willow
Short Circuit
(i WORKED FOR xTRA vISION fOR tHREE yEARS so that list gets a lot longer outside of the 80's) :(...)
Excerpt from review of Steven Shainberg's "Secretary":
"It’s a testament to director Steven Shainberg’s faith in his script and his actors that the, ahem, fruity nature of Edward & Lee’s relationship (which, to be fair, is rarely explicit) becomes not a just novelty turn-on, but the very human heart of the film. For all its surface kinkiness, Secretary is really a rather sweet love story about two damaged people finding it hard to come to terms with a) having urges that are not the socially-accepted norm, and b) accepting that you still deserve true love, no matter what turns you on. And whether or not you’ve ever, say, bent your partner over a desk and wanked over her back, that is what makes the film a difficult to forget, oddly romantic experience."
Television:
I know it's not cool to watch telly these days but when you grow up in an era of television which brings you such masterpieces as the Crystal Maze and WWF Wrestling, it's hard to break the habit.
Channel 4 !! (Let's face it C4 is re-educating the masses), Simpsons, Futurama, Family Guy, South Park, Drawn Together, Mr Bean, Faulty Towers, Spongebob Squarepants, Father Ted, Trailer Park Boys, Podge and Rodge, Teachers, Green Wing, Scrubs, No Angels, Star Trek (TNG/VOY), Touch of Frost, CSI, Discovery Channels Forensic Detectives, Mythbusters, How Its Made, FBI Files.
Old Favourites: Thundercats, He Man and Sheera, The GetAlong Gang, Transformers, The Care Bears, Garfield (I am he), Unsolved Mysteries, Murder She Wrote, WWF Wrestling (early 90s), the Crystal Maze, Bewitched, the Brady Bunch...*sigh* wasn't after school telly just grand?!
Take the quiz:
Will you ever kill anyone?
Probably
Yes but only in a drunken rage
Books:
I must say, I do like books...Screw the Roses Send Me The Thorns, The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Acts (Thanks Rob), Tales of the City Series, Black Lace, Wicked Words, Agent Provocateur Secrets & Confessions, Story of O, The Dirty Bits for Girls, You're an Animal Viskovitz, The Ladies of Grace Adieu, Death and the Penguin, Silent Bob Stikes Back, The 13 & a Half Lives of Captain Blue Bear, Bridget Jones, Sure of You, Maybe the Moon (have a thing for Armistead Maupin), Fever Pitch, How to be Good, Down Under, (If only there was a book called 'How to be Good Down Under'..eh? eh?) Flowers in the Attic (after the original its just really soft core), Adrian Moles (no one is more anally retentive or self obsessed...except maybe me), the series of Preacher graphic novels (fuckin excellent these are) big thank you to Robin here. I'm on number 8 but cant bear to finish the series because then life will cease to have meaning.
Also, a book I shall name here once and only once - The Bronze Horseman. IT IS THE DEVIL. People who you think are your friends lend u a copy and u read it thinking "sure, its only a book, its harmless". BUT ITS NOT! It will devour you and you will become obsessed with it. DO NOT READ. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
You know how it is, you read a bunch of books but you'll be damnded if you can remember every title! Then again, maybe you didnt....maybe they were jus video rentals....?
Heroes:
Animals.
Ye see, the term "hero" is a dangerous classification to place on any mere mortal. However, ignoring that fact for a moment, I have chosen to raise the following people up to the standard of LUSH....
People I would gladly spend my last hours on this earth getting boozed up and deliriously happy with.
Nerds, funny men and 80's icons. Tough as nails gentlemen and smouldering sirens.
Prince, Johnny Depp, Kevin Smith, Gareth Ennis, Dan Akroyd, Michael J Fox, Kathleen Turner (what a voice), James Spader (gives me chills), Eddy and Pats, Vince Vaughn, John Leguizamo, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Reverend Run, Spongebob Squarepants, Homer Simpson, Achilles, Odysseus, Karen Walker, Paul Kaye, Mike Strutter, Dennis Pennis, Orson Welles, Michael Madsen, Benicio Del Toro, Hellboy, Kathy Burke, Jodie Foster, Dawn French, Hunter S., Mickey Rourke (zing!!), Jeff Buckley, Louis Theroux, Billy Crystal, Jessica Rabbit, John & Joan Cusack, Miss Page, Jesse Custer aka Preacher.
(Oh and it does no harm whatsoever if my Heroes all happen to be extremely sexy!)
For Laughter : Dave Gorman and his legendary one man show, Alun Cochran, Reuben the mime, Paul Kaye, Greg Davies, John Lynn, Steve Coogan, Jimmy Carr, Peter Kaye, Rik Mayall, Billy Connolly, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Billy Crystal (he secretly makes me wish I was jewish), Russell Howard, Justin Lee Collins.
