The Benevolent Despot - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm pretty scarce on MySpace, nowadays.

Friendship is extremely important to me; mes amis sont ma famille. I'm definitely something of a den mother: loyal, affectionate, and supportive. I've finally had to admit that although much of this is rooted in general caring, a lot of it is because I feel that I have to impress, charm, and more or less woo people to like me.
Alas, I also tend to be rather intense, which myriad oft find unnerving. More times than I care to admit, I've been compared to a tsunami. Classic Scorpio trait, I suppose. Nonetheless, my heart is in the right place and my intentions are good, even if I'm too often a captive of cathexis. Even those whose own ardency has been called off-putting [by others] have, at times, found me to be overwhelming. It's been my observation that intense people often rub other intense people the wrong way, but this isn't the proper place for a dissertation.
I'm also the kind of gal who remains friends with her ex-boyfriends, mainly 'cos I always stress the friend part of boyfriend. If I can't see myself being genuine friends with a guy, I won't date him. Period. The cessation of one kind of love, after all, needn't negate all other forms. The death of amorous feelings should not mean the end of platonic affection. 'course, it helps that I wouldn't be friends with a jerk.
Much to my rue, I am somewhat uncomfortable around people I don't know all that well, which often results in a certain standoffishness, aloofness, or obnoxiousness. Thankfully, this eventually subsides. Those who can get past this tell me they're glad that they did, so I guess it all works out. Deep down, I often worry that I'm not held in esteem by those I hold in esteem.
Written communication somewhat bothers me because it lacks the nuances and subtext that typically come with intonation and body language -- it's too easy to misconstrue something.
Despite that, I'm a contributing writer at The Deli Magazine . I, also, used to host the Insomnia Radio: New York podcast but parted ways with the IR crew over a year ago. [I'll simply cite irreconcilable differences and leave it at that.] At present, I'm mulling the prospect of doing another music-centric podgram.
One of my most favorite things to do is to lounge right by a heating vent, with snuggly blanket and comfy pillows strategically arranged to create a heat pocket that enables me to suck up all the warmth.
Daryl Hall has been in my dreams more than any celebrity. Only twice was he with Oates. Nearly every time, either we got our mack on or were going to. Usually, he's in his 40s, although there was at least one time where he was his '80s poofy-haired, MTV icon self. Why there is so much chemistry between us, I do not know, especially since I didn't have a crush on him, back in the day. I still don't. Well, when I'm awake, anyway. What I do know is that, in my dreams, he's always nice and a great kisser. Once, he even wrote me a crappy love song. It wasn't even cheesetastically awesome. Just crappy. Nonetheless, I was moved.
I am a ginormous dork. Truly.
Finer worlds that you uncover
Plant the path you want to roam
Live where your heart can be given
And your life starts to unfold
Primal Scream, "Slip Inside This House"
In no particular order... [hyperlinks open in this window]
I oscillate between being: (1) very private and extremely candid, (2) reticent and gregarious, (3) level-headed and zealous, (4) serious and silly, (5) Queen of Swords and Queen of Cups , (6) [something] and [something else]
For the most part, I am: (1) sweet but saucy, (2) lighthearted yet earnest, (3) simultaneously idealistic and cynical, (4) an open-minded skeptic, (5) forthright, (6) considerate, (7) nurturing, (8) clean living [apart from the occasional drink], (9) a human being who makes mistakes and makes a point of learning from them, so that I may become a better person, (10) highly introspective, (11) ardent and passionate, (12) quite a dork [überdork!], (13) a bit of a geek, (14) rather the tomboy, (15) somewhat caustic, (16) a tad whimsical, (17) quite possibly too sensitive and caring for my own good (18) anal
I hate: (1) insincerity, (2) inconsideration, (3) inconstancy (4) short-sighted thinking, (5) holier-than-thou mentality, (6) absences of empathy, (7) willful ignorance, (8) stomping on others to elevate one's own standing and/or feelings of self-worth, (9) how materialism tends to cause moral and spiritual bankruptcy, (10) cigarette smoke [but not necessarily smokers] 'cos I'm terribly allergic to it, (11) when guys hit on me at the gym, (12) arrogance and snobbery [which I differentiate from elitism], (13) prejudice and its often resulting violence, (14) those advert cards in magazines 'cos they disrupt the fluid flow of flipping through the pages, (15) not knowing where I stand with others
I like: (1) goodwill, (2) good people, (3) good times, (4) a job well done, (5) having my brain fondled, (6) fondling the brains of others, (7) harmony, (8) a sense of purpose, (9) high standards, (10) integrity, (11) Strong Bad emails , (12) being helpful, (13) spontaneous song and dance, (14) emotional intimacy & bonding, (15) old-fashioned mechanical devices, (16) 99¢ stores, (17) Infoplease , (18) when I don't berate myself for being less than perfect [which is extremely difficult for a perfectionist], (19) when my cat sleeps across my neck like some manner of furry scarf, (20) the gleam in someone's eyes when understanding of something dawns upon them, (21) having that gleam in my eyes, (22) lots of other stuff, as listed in my Interests
Visually speaking, I am: (1) short, (2) a brown-eyed brunette, (3) not everyone's cup of chai [which is perfectly fine with me]
I probably will never post photos of myself because: (1) I find it easier to filter out on-line bs when physical appearance doesn't enter the equation, (2) what someone is like is more important than what someone looks like, (3) anyone who passes on chatting with me because my mien remains elusive really isn't the kind of person I want to know (4) I don't at all care if people believe that the 'real' reason I'm not posting anything is because I'm an eyesore (5) I'd have no problem forwarding pics to the friends I've made, were they to ask
Current theme song: n/a
In heavy iTunes rotation: Billy Idol

My Interests

serendipity, serenity, loyal and true friendship, nice folks, mental stimulation, physical activity, interesting people/places/things/ideas, collaboration, witty banter, creative genius, tomfoolery, symbolism, etymology, mythology, cultural studies, social sciences, physics, humanities, cute critters, adventure, exploration, wandering the streets of New York City, introspection, self-actualization, fulfillment, transcendence, sharing nifty discoveries, learning new and cool stuff, weaving dreams, knitting/crochet, nurturing and helping others, quality works of lasting value and creating such works, mirth, fun, whimsy, deep intellectual discourse, dorks and dorkiness, playfulness, maintaining the curiosity and wonder of a child while retaining the awareness of an adult, cuddling my cat, snuggling my special someone, walking the greatest by-proxy dog a gal could ever have, playing SSX, communal cooking, acupressure, meditation, feng shui, divination, astrology [aspects, transits, composites, synastry, harmonics, Arabic lots], mysticism, intuition, fiddling with Photoshop, arranging loops in GarageBand, rump shaking, podcasting, music, karaoke, rockin' -- Whew!
There's more, really, but then I'd be typing until I'm sore.

I'd like to meet:

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)

Those who grok the concept of namaste and will be understanding of my current need for reclusion.
Catalysts that will ensure I won't become complacent in my identity. The past definitely shapes us but isn't necessarily who we are and most certainly isn't who we must always be. I like having my paradigm shift; it means I'm evolving. In the end, little may change, but the process of exploration is what matters.
Mirroring that, I seek people who feel likewise.
Fine folks who'll appreciate and reciprocate my nurturing nature, enjoy waxing philosophical, and feed my need for mirth and deeply abiding friendship.
Interesting people with good hearts, noble intentions, open minds, developed senses of humor, creative sparks, adventurous spirits, codes of honor, and a sound head on their shoulders.
In a more light-hearted sense, fellow dorks.

"If it weren't for dumbasses, what would keep smartasses busy?" Anonymous

I once had a caveat here that detailed the kind of people I don't want to meet. Bands/musicians sending me generic form letters will still be ignored. Would-be Mack Daddys will continue to only get dates with the Trash folder and Delete button.
That all said, here is a revised caveat for the still curious:
Revised Caveat: I don't respond favorably to people who request to be added to my friends list and yet they don't send me a message of any kind. Everyone on my list is either someone I already know or is someone with whom I've corresponded for a little while. I like to get to know people; having casual acquaintances doesn't particularly interest me. I read the profiles of everyone who mails, but I'd like to know why those people find themselves interested enough to contact me.
Thank you.

Music:

My iTunes library, if played from start to finish, is currently about 3 hours shy of being 28 days long. Its contents are extremely eclectic and nonetheless lacking. There are too many genres of music that I like and too little money to acquire enough of any of them.

Movies:

'The Princess Bride' is quite possibly the greatest movie ever made. It's been nearly 20 years since it was first released and it remains timeless.
Perhaps not so surprisingly, I have a soft spot for Golden Era Hollywood films, especially when seen on the big screen. Some are fabulous and others simply [clichÃ©d by modern standards] fluff. Pre-Hayes Commission films are difficult to find but I'm always up for a viewing.
Also, I'm a fan of bad-plot 1970s pr0n. I very much MST3K it.
Pretty much, though, I'm willing to give anything conceptually interesting, thought provoking, wacked, and/or entertaining a chance.

Television:

I don't watch much tv but am a fan of good documentaries.
[On-air] programs that I have been known to watch include: [the new] BSG, Burn Notice, Chapelle's Show, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Family Guy, Law and Order: SVU, Law and Order: Criminal Intent, Mind of Mencia, and South Park.
Once upon a time, I was addicted to Korean programs [game shows and soap operas and Komzii]. Never mind that I only understood a few words and was utterly lost when there were no subtitles.
VH1 is a guilty pleasure, even though "Pop-up Video" is defunct. The Discovery Channel and The History Channel have been known to pique my interest.

Books:

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry is the most wistful, lovely, and genuine story I have ever read. I likewise adore J.M. Barrie's non-bastardized version of The Adventures of Peter Pan . I'll readily admit that The Velveteen Rabbit still makes me cry.
Three books that I find myself constantly recommending to others, when I'm not busy lending out my copies, are by Charlotte Kasl: If The Buddha Dated , If The Buddha Married , and If The Buddha Got Stuck . I encourage anyone seeking to create strong, healthy, honest, and lasting relationships without losing one's sense of true self to read them.
On the subject of demised relationships, I suggest the most recent offering of Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt: It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken .
I also subject people to The Mullet: Hairstyle of the Gods by Mark Larson and Barney Hoskyns because it is pure genius in hardback form.
The many works of David Sedaris , unquestionably, are very brilliant. If you haven't heard the audio versions, you simply must.
Nick Bantock's Griffin and Sabine books are incredibly beautiful in a visual sense, told through a series of amazingly illustrated letters [that can be removed from equally artful envelopes] and handsomely painted postcards. They are definitely worth a perusal.
America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction by Jon Stewart et al, for reasons that should be woefully obvious. Lurve the high school text book format.
More broadly, I have an obscene amount of books on a plethora of cultures, with a focus in anthropology, folklore, history, mythology, and theology. Lots of humanities, as well as social and natural sciences -- particularly various forms of physics and the history of science, in general. I like faerie tales and comparative studies of different versions throughout the ages.
The work of Joseph Campbell makes me swoon.
Also, there is nothing like a really good children's book. I love those, especially anything by Beatrix Potter and the many Serendipty stories [full of such sweet art] that so delighted me when I was a wee lass.
Oh, yeah. I also like performing dramatic readings of smut. Seriously. I've even been known to make recordings. For whatever reason, I simply find it funny.

Heroes:

While I know several people who will wail until they combust that this is the greatest song ever, I think Bowie has done better.

Alternate answer: MacGyver and pre-shark jumping Fonzie

Alternate answer to the alternate answer: those who pose difficult questions to themself and earnestly seek answers; those who inspire others to do the same.

My Blog

Word of the Day [November 14, 2005]

The Merriam-Webster Word of the Day is: praxis. Considering that my Saturn Return starts to make its presence known today, I find this most fitting....
Posted by The Benevolent Despot on Mon, 14 Nov 2005 05:25:00 PST