Friendship is extremely important to me; mes amis sont ma famille. I'm definitely something of a den mother: loyal, affectionate, and supportive. I've finally had to admit that although much of this is rooted in general caring, a lot of it is because I feel that I have to impress, charm, and more or less woo people to like me.
Alas, I also tend to be rather intense, which myriad oft find unnerving. More times than I care to admit, I've been compared to a tsunami. Classic Scorpio trait, I suppose. Nonetheless, my heart is in the right place and my intentions are good, even if I'm too often a captive of cathexis. Even those whose own ardency has been called off-putting [by others] have, at times, found me to be overwhelming. It's been my observation that intense people often rub other intense people the wrong way, but this isn't the proper place for a dissertation.
I'm also the kind of gal who remains friends with her ex-boyfriends, mainly 'cos I always stress the friend part of boyfriend. If I can't see myself being genuine friends with a guy, I won't date him. Period. The cessation of one kind of love, after all, needn't negate all other forms. The death of amorous feelings should not mean the end of platonic affection. 'course, it helps that I wouldn't be friends with a jerk.
Much to my rue, I am somewhat uncomfortable around people I don't know all that well, which often results in a certain standoffishness, aloofness, or obnoxiousness. Thankfully, this eventually subsides. Those who can get past this tell me they're glad that they did, so I guess it all works out. Deep down, I often worry that I'm not held in esteem by those I hold in esteem.
Written communication somewhat bothers me because it lacks the nuances and subtext that typically come with intonation and body language -- it's too easy to misconstrue something.
Despite that, I'm a contributing writer at The Deli Magazine . I, also, used to host the Insomnia Radio: New York podcast but parted ways with the IR crew over a year ago. [I'll simply cite irreconcilable differences and leave it at that.] At present, I'm mulling the prospect of doing another music-centric podgram.
One of my most favorite things to do is to lounge right by a heating vent, with snuggly blanket and comfy pillows strategically arranged to create a heat pocket that enables me to suck up all the warmth.
Daryl Hall has been in my dreams more than any celebrity. Only twice was he with Oates. Nearly every time, either we got our mack on or were going to. Usually, he's in his 40s, although there was at least one time where he was his '80s poofy-haired, MTV icon self. Why there is so much chemistry between us, I do not know, especially since I didn't have a crush on him, back in the day. I still don't. Well, when I'm awake, anyway. What I do know is that, in my dreams, he's always nice and a great kisser. Once, he even wrote me a crappy love song. It wasn't even cheesetastically awesome. Just crappy. Nonetheless, I was moved.
I am a ginormous dork. Truly.
Finer worlds that you uncover
Plant the path you want to roam
Live where your heart can be given
And your life starts to unfold
Primal Scream, "Slip Inside This House"
In no particular order... [hyperlinks open in this window]
I oscillate between being:
(1) very private and extremely candid,
(2) reticent and gregarious,
(3) level-headed and zealous,
(4) serious and silly,
(5) Queen of Swords and Queen of Cups ,
(6) [something] and [something else]
For the most part, I am:
(1) sweet but saucy,
(2) lighthearted yet earnest,
(3) simultaneously idealistic and cynical,
(4) an open-minded skeptic,
(5) forthright,
(6) considerate,
(7) nurturing,
(8) clean living [apart from the occasional drink],
(9) a human being who makes mistakes and makes a point of learning from them, so that I may become a better person,
(10) highly introspective,
(11) ardent and passionate,
(12) quite a dork [überdork!],
(13) a bit of a geek,
(14) rather the tomboy,
(15) somewhat caustic,
(16) a tad whimsical,
(17) quite possibly too sensitive and caring for my own good
(18) anal
I hate:
(1) insincerity,
(2) inconsideration,
(3) inconstancy
(4) short-sighted thinking,
(5) holier-than-thou mentality,
(6) absences of empathy,
(7) willful ignorance,
(8) stomping on others to elevate one's own standing and/or feelings of self-worth,
(9) how materialism tends to cause moral and spiritual bankruptcy,
(10) cigarette smoke [but not necessarily smokers] 'cos I'm terribly allergic to it,
(11) when guys hit on me at the gym,
(12) arrogance and snobbery [which I differentiate from elitism],
(13) prejudice and its often resulting violence,
(14) those advert cards in magazines 'cos they disrupt the fluid flow of flipping through the pages,
(15) not knowing where I stand with others
I like:
(1) goodwill,
(2) good people,
(3) good times,
(4) a job well done,
(5) having my brain fondled,
(6) fondling the brains of others,
(7) harmony,
(8) a sense of purpose,
(9) high standards,
(10) integrity,
(11) Strong Bad emails ,
(12) being helpful,
(13) spontaneous song and dance,
(14) emotional intimacy & bonding,
(15) old-fashioned mechanical devices,
(16) 99¢ stores,
(17) Infoplease ,
(18) when I don't berate myself for being less than perfect [which is extremely difficult for a perfectionist],
(19) when my cat sleeps across my neck like some manner of furry scarf,
(20) the gleam in someone's eyes when understanding of something dawns upon them,
(21) having that gleam in my eyes,
(22) lots of other stuff, as listed in my Interests
Visually speaking, I am:
(1) short,
(2) a brown-eyed brunette,
(3) not everyone's cup of chai [which is perfectly fine with me]
I probably will never post photos of myself because:
(1) I find it easier to filter out on-line bs when physical appearance doesn't enter the equation,
(2) what someone is like is more important than what someone looks like,
(3) anyone who passes on chatting with me because my mien remains elusive really isn't the kind of person I want to know
(4) I don't at all care if people believe that the 'real' reason I'm not posting anything is because I'm an eyesore
(5) I'd have no problem forwarding pics to the friends I've made, were they to ask
Current theme song: n/a
In heavy iTunes rotation: Billy Idol
