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MORTIFYING MORTIMER
Mortifying Mortimer
(ewwww)
He’s got hang-ups galore
(galore?)
He hates hiccups and gore
(GORE!)
May Death deliver me from such a Cosmic Bore
(you’re such a Cosmic Bore, Mortimer!)
He’s the stupefying nerd
afraid to stultify the horde.
I don’t care how many coupons you got, man
you’ll never be a Ghost Bird!
(go Ghost Birds, GO!!!)
Relentlessly…
Relentless chewer of ears!
Soggy Baby?
Soggy Librarian of Fears!
He bought his shrink a Mercedez,
(vRRROOOOm!!!)
He’s never bought me a beer!
Mortify!
Mortify Mortimer.
(I am a stupefied nerd,
I am afraid to lead the horde)
My name is Morty
(you’re a Ghost Bird)
I’m Rigor Mortis
(Relentless chewer of ears)
…He never bought me a beer.
DRAMA (How I Hate it)
Drama
always quite a bummer
you're such a ham, such a bummer
quite a goddamned daughter
with a penchant for the Drama
and I always hated Drama
yeah, even in the summer
no I wont do it for a dollar
such a ham such a bummer
well I can't do Drama
that's what I tell my lover
but she wont listen she wont bother
with my dislike for the Drama
what a goddamned bummer it is
such a drag such a bummer
you're all hams, you're all hams!
Drama
the only worse thing than Drama
is a stupid fucking drummer
who wont listen to the strummer
that's why I wont bother
to play with no drummers
they only like the Drama
how I hate fucking drummers
how I hate them with their Drama
such hams, such a bummer
yeah I always hated Drama
you're such a ham such a bummer
yeah I always hated Drama
what a bummer what a bummer
yes, I HATE DRAMA
yeah I tried to tell my mother
but she wont listen that
DRAMA AINT FOR ME
Drama Drama Drama Drama
Goddamn what a dumb fucking drummer that was...
CHARACTER WITNESS
I'll be your Character Witness
All those years of justifying
your every abuse
patiently transforming
ALL OF YOUR VICES
INTO LOVEABLE QUIRKS
WILL FINALLY
BE PUT TO GOOD USE
AS THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY
DOES HIS BEST TO TRICK ME
INTO REVEALING YOUR WORST
I WILL DUCK IT OUT LIKE THE GREAT ONES
RIGHT THERE IN THE STAND
I WILL SWEAR IT ON THE BIBLE
THUS BECOMING THE MAN
YOU ALWAYS SAID I NEVER WOULD BE
ILL BE YOUR CHARACTER WITNESS
AND MAYBE THE JURY WILL SEE
THIS SELFLESS LOVE
THAT YOU NEVER GIVE BACK TO ME
THEY WILL SENSE ALL YOUR CRIMES
AND ILL BE THE ONE WHO RUNS FREE
-------------------------------------------------
(DIE TRYING)
NOT QUITE A FEATHERED FALL
BUT YOU MAKE IT
IN ONE BROKEN PIECE
NOT A SINGLE BATTLE CALL
SO YOU FIGURE
ALL RESTS IN PEACE
YET REMINDERS
KEEP SHOWING UP IN UNEXPECTED PLACES
UGLY COLLIDERS
GO ABOUT THEIR WORK UNDER PEOPLE’S FACES
BARE HORSEBACK RIDERS
PLOT THEIR REVENGE INSIDE MAILBOX MAZES
ELEGANT STRIDERS
FREEZE IN SUSPICION OF UNNAMEABLE GAZES
… STILL I TRY
All lyrics by Eduardo Padilla