F I L

My name is Phil Hiott, and life is but a dream.

This is the Abridged Version of "About Me." To see it in its entireity, I'm going to need a petition of 104 signatures and a check(a good check) for five dollars.

Yeah... my name is Phil Hiott.

I like stories.

If you do not understand my writing, question your reading skills, not my writing.

If you do not like my writing, congratulations, you have a mind of your own; I highly respect that... until you think that your mind applies to everyone elses; that's when I'm like, "fuck you, fuck your brother and fuck your mother." Seriously.

I HATE HATE HATE HATE flourescent lighting.

I also hate fullscreen.

Particularly fullscreen that is pan and scan.

It's like trying to fight somebody in your face using a pair of binoculars for visual aid.

You're not going to see the whole picture.

Yet if it's open matte fullscreen, then it's like a Widescreen/Longscreen fusion of sorts, and I can better tolerate it.

Though I still prefer Widescreen.

I'm just on borrowed time.

I am the butt of God's less mean practical jokes.

I guess He didn't like it when I bet against Him when He wrestled Vince McMahon.

I am a proud follower of The Crustacian Order.

I hate limitations.

I try to take it easy.

You know, flow with it.

I happen to have a fond appreciation for lighters.

My Fake Friends are alright.

My Old Friends I miss.

And the Good people that call themselves friends can usually be pretty cool at times.

Adam and I still have to get in that bar room brawl sometime soon.

You can't explain things to some people.

You're better off explaining something to an aardvark.

If I were to spontaneously say "low-men in yellowcoats" and you know what I mean, then chances are that I could be very close to loving you instantaneously.

My ankles pop a lot; it's quite ridiculous.

I'm going to go on an independent study of South Korea before I'm 26.

If you disagree with me; start arguing with me at a point in time when I care.

I want to own my own library.

Sarah Connor You

Like the Long Library off of Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.

I don't like jealous people.

As a matter of fact I HATE the concept of jealousy.

Acting out jealousy just exposes one's own inner lack of trust within his or her own self.

The next absolutely terrible prospect relationship I go through with no resolution, conclusion, or admission to the negative from the significant other that would be no more, I'm going to start carrying around a masamune where-ever I go, declare war on order, and change my name to Styx, The Enlightener.

Tae Kwon Do is wonderful.

Martial Arts is like tea. (just ask Jet Li)

So don't bitch about which is better because it's just tea. (just ask Jet Li)

"Yeah Rude!-Lookin' sharp!"

I'm not much of a hater.

Because hate is just caring too much about a person who just simply doesn't matter.

Because hate is just an inversion of love afterall.

One yin to another yang.

I love only about three people on the face of this planet

Which probably means I don't love you.

Though I do appreciate the existance of many.

And I really appreciate the existance of a couple of others.

If I have a daughter, her name will be Raine.

If I have a wife, she will agree to name my daughter Raine.

If that wife disagrees, I will fight her over the right to name my daughter Raine.

My wife had better be a skilled warrior and fighter.

I think the greater prophanity is held in false words than in cuss words.

I can follow a white rabbit.

And catch the little bastard.

If I were an animal, I would be a wolf.

A black wolf with shades of green here and there.

I really enjoy Starbursts.

Odin is not dead.

My son's name will be Pharoah.

If I have a wife, she will fight me over that one.

I really don't care for dieing young.

But if I did, I'd like to be in the "27 club."

Dieing at 27 though, I would have the phrase "See you Space Cowboy" carved on it.

Dieing any younger than 26 or older than 28 then I would just have the base tombstone then I guess.

I like South Korea.

*laughs at you*

Come on baby, light my fire.

I think the literary craftsmanship of Xenogears is almost up to par with The Bible.

I think ravens are Awesome.

I take my vitamens.

You should take your vitamens.

My old name is Jubei.

Some people say I look like Jesus.

Though back when I held a column thing on the runcrew I was refered to as "Samson."

Samson sans Delilah.

I think morons should be branded.

If branded seems too harsh, then killed.

I can never dance under pressure.

Though if enough factors are involved, I can jump around for hours like a complete hyperpsychotic schizo.

I try to train like Jin Kazama.

Because Jin Kazama doesn't mess around.

Jin Kazama with the wrath of Kazuya Mishima.

"They thought I was out of the game... but now I'm the one holding the cards."

Just one among many Awesome Kazuya Mishima quotes.

I appreciate The Antagonist.

Usually.

Especially if that antagonist is named Vicious, Sephiroth, or Magneto.

I can be a Rock

But The World has me Roll.

Before you say you'll give your life to save your friends; be sure you've been put in a predicament where you've had to make that decision before.

Because about 19 out of 20 people I know are full of shit that say that.

Not because they've failed at that predicament; but it's because they don't respect themselves enough to show that much self-assurance in a crisis situation like that.

I probably wouldn't give my life for many people out there, but if I did at least have a little respect for you I'd fight a little harder to save both our lives; so your ass better fight too, or else we're both dead. But if you didn't help, then I'd kill you just out of irritation.

Unless the person had a gun.

Then I'd probably give him or her my money.

Unless I was having a really really bad day.

The worse a day is for me, the dumber a thing I can be driven to do.

Especially if the person is close to me where he or she would actually be in my reach.

So then unless my anger instincts call for a wise disarming action where I would somehow escape from being shot, I would probably like, get shot.

And knowing my luck, I would get shot, knived, stomped, pistol-whipped, and ran over.

Then I'd be all shocked that death was about to take me, and that would be it, and if I could, I'd probably be hyperventilating due to the sudden approach of Eternity that I would probably not be ready for.

Like the time quite some time ago when I was under an influence of some kind of substance back in the day, and I thought my chest was going to nuclearly explode with flames, and the rest of my body turn to a block of ice.

I was like, "Man, it's gonna suck to die now" then, and was flipping out in probably the most mellow way to flip out there is possible.

Try not to let all this stuff freak you out about me; it's just the essentials and prelude to getting to know how I think and such.

But back to the getting shot and robbed deal.

Though it would be cool if somehow I would accept it in a cool manner; like, "C'est la vie mon Dieu." or just look up to the stars, and watch as peacefully as I can as they all burn out, and I lay in a black abyss awaiting the arrival of The Old Ferryman to carry me across that Mythic River. Being without an ancient coin, I hope he would allow me to enter the Nether-realm for a short time, and get possession of Dracula's heart before returning so he can actually take me somewhere interesting.

But before all that I would assume that I would die.

See you Space Cowboy...