*shmee profile picture

*shmee

I am here for Friends and Networking

About Me

My real name is betty. my other real name is betty too. I eat candy and bubbles, and when I poop, flowers come out of my butt! my friends are all monsters. I made them out of leftover toys broken by naughty children. I bet you made some of my friends too, you dirty little monkey. I was born on a farm. I was raised by a pack of wild sea doggies. Someone told me i came out of a giant froot, from a froot salad tree. But that someone is dead now. one day i hope to stow away in a box of cereal. I would hide amongst the crunchy sweet goodness of sugar coated grains, and then a little boy or girl would empty me into their breakfast bowl and squeal with delight. May I be the prize in your box?

My Interests

I've got a little monkey on my back... and he's always looking for new ticks. we go to thrift stores and swap meets together in search of party favors and children's books from years long past. arty farty things. literary nonesense. found objects. stuff you can dig up. broken toys, unfiltered tap water. ephemera. collections of others. myoosic that you can danse to. its an obsession with the eye that we share. I call it love.

I'd like to meet:

martha stewart. because her head scares me and yet would make a lovely nest in which to lay so many eggs... and you, of course. I want to meet you...Now hiring: henchmen position available. Act now - limited quantities available. Twice the amount with only 3 monthly installments. Please respond.

Music:

can you dance to it? can you spank to it? well then rock me like a hurricane.

Movies:

my life - i'll receive a posthumous oscar and criterion will release a box set. currently, i'm working on the director's cut....

Television:

i like it when tv makes me cry. but only if it is a commercial what make me weep.... i think to myself, yes mister ad man - now I must reward your genius with my dollars. but i don't have any dollars, so i steal. how can something so evil touch so many hearts?

Books:

i like books very much. they take me on adventures to exotic places and strange lands. they fill my head and heart with holes. most of all, i love the way old books smell, and the stuff that gets stuck in the pages. everytime you write in a book, and leave someone a message or a note, or highlight a particularly informative passage, god pulls the wings off a beetle. its true. i read it somewhere, in a book perhaps.

Heroes:

my papa. all cowboys, especially those of the space variety. a wonder called spungee. Dr. Seuss. Willy Wonka. Folks who inspire me: Tim Burton. Joel Peter Witkin. Jan Svenkmeyer. Catwoman. Mary Blair, Mark Ryden, Tim Biskup, Martha Rich, Joe Sorren, Circus folk, The Clayton brothers, Gary Baseman, Fiona Hewitt, J. Otto. Illustrators, Outsider Artists, oddballs and misfits. Let me be your madonna.

My Blog

cookie loves milk

in the land of milk and honey, i watched you draw a bath from a quiet riverof pinks and brownsnestled on every surface,like stray freckles on white cotton each irregular ring blooming with the promise...
Posted by *shmee on Tue, 11 Sep 2007 06:41:00 PST

here kitty-kitty

a hundred tiny sandpaper tonguespopcorn breathscries that clutch your hearteyes too big andsleepy after so much milkhiss and spit, cry to be heldgrow into the lazethere is more than thisgroom and shin...
Posted by *shmee on Fri, 20 Jul 2007 10:11:00 PST

how many licks does it take to get to the center?

visiting an owl you thought would do you well. carefully you packed your tea, your checkered blanket and a coffee tin of mischief. left foot fall, you headed down a path that was neither marked, nor c...
Posted by *shmee on Tue, 22 May 2007 12:44:00 PST

scavenger hunt: trois

three-angle, architype. a trinity in complicated balance.find its elevationrun up its side, slide down its backhang from every corner.color it with streamers, build it into a 90 degree shrinea fetish ...
Posted by *shmee on Sat, 19 May 2007 03:08:00 PST

scavenger hunt: next item

*Its in a treeit shines on sundayswith colors that never matchand buttons that dowe hung it up there to mark a daywatched its beard grow through seasonsits next to a caserole and underneath a bow tie ...
Posted by *shmee on Fri, 18 May 2007 06:39:00 PST

scavenger hunt

*find the hour i find quietest, the atmosphere perfect in everyway early morning green and laundered air.there is no rush, no harm, just the luxury of that window of time. a space you know like de ja ...
Posted by *shmee on Thu, 17 May 2007 05:29:00 PST

reserved for one

The feast was set for three days from sunday, an hour following a half. Cupcakes and juniper berries filled copper bowls - mountains of delicacies on every platter. There were melons of every hue, bri...
Posted by *shmee on Sun, 13 May 2007 12:53:00 PST

to do list

swords and fire, strands of hair, 32 pennies and 2 dimes, the last thing you wish you had said.sea glass and crushed ice, candor and mints.hope, shock; delierium, surprise (seconds for dessert)a cat a...
Posted by *shmee on Thu, 10 May 2007 11:17:00 PST

I might actually be the bastard love child of jokee and smurfette.

I've come to the realization that the perfect occupation for me is super-hero. Not a standard vigilante "I serve justice" kind of super-hero - more of a comic book character kind of alter ego. The sca...
Posted by *shmee on Fri, 11 May 2007 09:11:00 PST

surprise me

please?
Posted by *shmee on Thu, 10 May 2007 01:28:00 PST