Anghel

I have a large circle of friends. I'm not bragging about it because it's not somethin' to be proud of. I get headaches (and heartaches) because of having many friends. I couldn't please everyone that sometimes I even choose to be alone for the sake of not causing a rift with anyone. But I still ended up being the one to blame. Sigh...life. That's my problem eversince my high school days. Having different set of friends. I have a set of "Good Time" friends, "Drama Time" friends, "Basketball" friends, "Work Place" friends, "Fake" friends and "True" friends. Though I really don't categorized anyone intentionally. They just fall on those categories unexpectedly in time. Y'know what I mean...because in time you will know who's who. It just sank in to me the saying, "The older you get, the wiser you become." It's true. Especially in choosing friends. You will know the ORIGINAL from the PLATED, just like in jewelries. But I'm such a good hearted person. I could be so naive most of the times.
I guess, I'm following an advice by a friend. I should choose only a few trusted people to talk to. People I know who wouldn't "sell" me. People I know who would understand me. People I know I could be "ME". I already know in my heart who those people are. So maybe if some of you think I've changed, maybe I did. And it didn't happen overnight. Maybe you caused me some pain that right now I choose to be protective of myself by kinda shunning away from you. Sometimes I'm not good in speaking my heart out. That's why I have my blog. I'm hurt if I feel like the only time people remember me are the times when they think they need my help. If I wanna talk, they would listen only for a while then they would start talking about their own dramas. Isn't that unfair on my part? Or like what I said before, maybe I just have big expectations on people. And I'm disappointed if they don't live up to it.
In my one year and a half working here in Taiwan...I've learned tons of things. I've expereienced lots of "temporary" joy but a lot of heartaches. I've come to realize that what you see is what you don't get. And that everything you say can and will be used against you. Literally. So like what someone said...I need to learn to open my eyes but learn to keep my mouth closed. Everything here is not forever. It's sad to say it. But I think it's true. Even FRIENDSHIPS. I thought I've found some TRUE FRIENDS...but I guess I was wrong. Don't misunderstood me. Maybe I am just feeling melodramatic here. 10/16/2006