Ghetto Ways

HARRY: Alright, you ready?JENNA: Ready?HARRY: Not really.JENNA: Check this shit out. (reads question ..1) I only know your fantastic debut-lp, but nothin about the band. Please introduce yourself--names, age, vita, hobbies, etc.HARRY: Dude, I'm so bad... This is so on the spot. That's why I can never get interviewed... Alright, Shane, go, dude. See you in fucking hell... No really, my name is Harry Edwin Warwick III and this is a poem called "The Life of a Rose." Just kidding, let me start over. What'd you say? Your name, your hobbies, what you love... I want to get straight to my hobbies. Seriously, man, let's just get through it. Go, read it to me Shane, I'll be serious.SHANE: (reads question ..1) I only know your fantastic debut-lp, but nothin about the band. Please introduce yourself--names, age, vita, hobbies.HARRY: What is vita?SHANE: What vitamins you take.HARRY: Okay, your vita, then what?SHANE: Name, age, vita, hobbies.HARRY: Alright. My name's Harry E. Warwick III. My age is 31. I'm going to be 32 in about 28 days. My vita is the energy drink and, uh, my hobbies are... My hobbies are jackin' off, snortin' blow, fucking... God! This is too on the spot. That's what everybody would say right there--coke, porn, fucking, white sands El Paso surfing cardboard boxes on the fucking highway, man, and riding my bike with no tires, wearing my shoes with no soles!SHANE: (reads questions ..2) Where do you live in New York?HARRY: Browntown.SHANE: Downtown?HARRY: Browntown. I'm just kidding. Is that recording? I ain't putting that shit.SHANE: It is recording, I think. Oh so you live... That's good. I live 'bruptown.HARRY: This sucks. Let's start over.SHANE: (reads question ..3) Where do you play with the Ghetto Ways?HARRY: Anywhere we can, babe, anywhere we can.SHANE: (reads question ..5) What are you doing on the back cover of the record?HARRY: I'm fucking jazzercizing with my bros in my band. Isn't that obvious, man? Take two, man. We've got to really fucking tighten up.SHANE: (reads question ..9) Your drum sound is great.HARRY: Thanks, man. Thanks a lot...SHANE: (reads question ..8) Your music reminds me a lot of the Dirtbombs, but a lot rawer. Is that intended or a result of limited recording possibilities?JENNA: Why do people keep saying we sound like the Dirtbombs? We don't.SHANE: We don't sound like the fucking Dirtbombs.JENNA: We don't sound anything like the fucking Dirtbombs.HARRY: They've said the fucking Stooges, the Obliv--everything basically that I love. I mean I'll take that but that's not...JENNA: That's not the way we sound.HARRY: Okay, Shane, want me to start you off? Maybe you can get me juiced up. I'm fucking blowin.SHANE: Want to jack me off? Want to hear a question?HARRY: Alright.SHANE: (reads question ..13) What can we expect from a Ghetto Ways show?HARRY: From a Ghetto Ways show?SHANE: Yeah, what can we expect?HARRY: Absolutely nothing.SHANE: That's about right.HARRY: You can expect a fucking record if you pay, t-shirts if we have 'em, and a fucking cassette for $85 that's gonna get us on a plane to fucking Hondo, Texas.SHANE: (reads question ..14) What do you expect from a European tour?HARRY: Cocaine, tits and a lot of new fucking piercings. Just kidding.HARRY: I'd like to get branded. I would love... I can't deal with that crap right now. I want another chance, man. That's what I'm going to do if we go on Letterman--Man, can we start this over? Let us come out again... It's like our false starts. Life is full of false starts, babe. We had a false start. Half our fucking career was a false start. But if you really want to know what the Ghetto Ways sound like, what's the live act...SHANE: (reads question ..13) What can we expect from a Ghetto Ways show?HARRY: A few false starts...SHANE: A few false starts...HARRY: Lots of sweat, and if you're lucky some fucking balls and bush! And uh, maybe a little argument or two. You'll definitely get your $16 worth. Alright, that's my response for that actual question: You're gonna get a few false starts, a few fake laughs, a lot of fucking not knowing what's going on, but you'll get your 16 goddamn dollars worth, I can tell you that. That'll stick. Go on, man, give me something else.SHANE: (reads first half of question ..16) What's a camaro creep?HARRY: You're kidding me. Listen to the song, dude. Isn't it self-explanatory?SHANE: (reads second half of question ..16) Does it mean you're not into muscle cars?HARRY: Camaro creep is the opposite of dirty ride. It's the man that has all the game that gets bitten in the ass with the fucking girl he can't handle. He gets fucking jacked, thrown out of his own car... But he's the creep. He's the one that's picking up the fucking walker, the lover, the fucking woman.SHANE: (reads second half of question ..16) So you're not into muscle cars?HARRY: Am I into muscle cars? I would be if I could have one, but I've never had one. I'd love to have one. But yeah, I'm into muscle cars.SHANE: (reads question ..18) Best record ever?HARRY: Best record ever... That's hard, man. That's hard... That's like asking what your favorite fucking band is. I hate that question, dude. My favorite band is the Eastside Suicides--this week. Next week? The Live Ones!SHANE: (reads question ..6) How come you're on a German label?HARRY: Because the US wouldn't fucking have us.SHANE: (reads question ..3) Give us a little band history.HARRY: Well I started a band and that went a little while in Texas. And then we stopped playing and I joined another band, and that went a little bit longer... Why don't you go first, Shane? This is too on the spot.SHANE: I'm not going to be able to do this shit.HARRY: Fuck off. I should go watch the Spurs. No seriously, you gonna go first, Shane?SHANE: I'm not fucking doing this shit right now. There's no fucking way. I'll ask the questions but I'm not going to try and answer them. (reads question ..1) Please introduce yourself--names, age, hobbies.HARRY: Hello, my name is Harry E. Warwick III. I am currently 31, soon to be 32. My hobbies are racketball, pumping iron, um... Hold on, let me start over. Harry E. Warwick III. I am 31 years old and I'll be 32 real soon. My hobbies are... I don't have any fucking hobbies, that's the problem.JENNA: (reads question ..11) What ghetto are you living and making luv in and where's your way?HARRY: Where's the way? What does that mean? I'm currently residing in Bed Sty. I live in a one room pad and I'm way off. Let me start again. I'm gonna be blunt and fucking the way I am. My name's Harry. I'm 31. My hobbies are rockin' as hard as I possibly can for a crowd that's never there. Next question.JENNA: (reads question ..9) Your drum sound is great.HARRY: My drums sound great because they are great. I've got a badass formula that I use that's really easy and I think a lot of people should recognize that it's not about drum fills and knowing how to play. It's about getting by and making people move their fucking heels, making them aware. Just throw it down, man. They sound good because it's all about your punch, not about the wrists, it's about the arm. It doesn't matter if you know how to play the bass drum or you don't have a hi-hat. To any little buddies out there that want to fucking learn the easiest way to play drums, come watch me and I'll teach you. My drums do sound good. I make them sound good. Next question. Come on, babe, be blunt. JENNA: (reads question ..4) Where do you play with the Ghetto Ways? Have you done a bigger tour already?HARRY: We play pretty much anywhere anyone will have us that'll pay a $5 cover to check it out. We would play in all five boroughs but currently we play in two, Brooklyn and Manhattan, pretty much. We'd like to tap into Queens and you know, maybe even go to the Bronx. I think there's a lot to be said, we've got a lot of soul, a lot of fucking heart, and I think there's a lot of people of all colors and creeds that would love to hear what we have to say and what we're trying to provide to the people that will come and rock to the shit. We play anywhere anyone will have us. That's what I have to say.JENNA: (reads question ..6) How come you're on a German label?HARRY: Because the Americans would not fucking have us. These people do not understand. This fucking place is so garage rock and we're not even garage rock, but it's garage rock fucking overdone. It's tapped out. It's our first record... Because the German label that we're on right now is the only fucking label that would have it, would listen to it, would love it, pet it, kiss it, hug it. The Americans haven't gotten it yet. Hopefully they will. That's why, that's why.JENNA: (reads question ..10) Name some influences on your sound and music.HARRY: Uncle Dodie Growser, for sure. I would have to say Pamela May Bissane has had a ton of influence on my chops. I would have to say that William Luther Ivy has had a little influence on the way I think and the way I try to play. The drummer from the Live Ones has just recently really fucking jammed me. Go ahead, give me something. We should all be answering these at the same time, man.SHANE: (reads question ..12) What are you doing all day?HARRY: During the work week? Monday through Friday? Well, I work at a job that I don't want to be at. I come home, I usually throw a little weed in the dugout, maybe drink a beer, pop some fucking good old fashioned lovely stuff. I take a nap. I try and wake up in time for King of Queens double time, do a little double episode. And then shower, put my comfy clothes on. Then I usually take a pill to enhance my sleep. I turn on usually a Rolling Stones CD and I roll myself to sleep. I don't know if there's any rollers out there, but I've rolled my whole fucking life... I turn off the radio, go to sleep, and usually wake up with my hand in my pants with urine all over it. That's my day.