You're not going to find what you're looking for, if this is where you're looking.
Have you seen the video I uploaded? It's great. =p (Wow, I feel dumb... the video totally wasn't working. It should be now, though!) A pirate captain was sitting in a bar at a dock one night. He was the perfect example of a pirate: eye-patch, hook for a hand, everything. He had just hired a couple of guys to work on his ship with him, and he was talking to them.
One of the lackeys asked him, "How did you lose your hand?" The pirate went into a long story about how he'd been fighting another ship--as pirates do-- and was swinging on a rope from his ship to the other, but missed. He fell into the water, a shark ate his hand, and he had to climb up the side of the boat with just one hand. Both of the lackeys were enthralled.
The second lackey said, "That's amazing! Tell us how you lost your eye!"
"Well," said the captain, "it was the first day wit me hook...."
