Edward

A Sales Pitch

When I was 16, I was picky. When I was 26, I was very picky. Now that I'm 36, I'm very very picky. Fortunately, I live in the land of perpetual youth and beauty. I can't throw a shot glass without str...
Posted by Edward on Sun, 17 Sep 2006 07:41:00 PST

Trophy Girlfriend

I'm a new man since I discovered the joys of trophy dating. Sure, the glossy gold finish annoys the eye and the brass plating is cold to the skin, but when I wake up in the morning and see that beauti...
Posted by Edward on Sat, 25 Feb 2006 10:39:00 PST

Cock Rock

I suspect two of my friends have met their demise. Last I saw they were chasing roosters precariously close to the cliffside at the Topanga Canyon bungalow we invaded for the evening, all the while ho...
Posted by Edward on Sun, 17 Sep 2006 07:46:00 PST

Heroine Chic

Heres a biographical detail: I once became hopelessly addicted to Penelope Pitstop, Wonder Woman and Officer Jenny cartoons. Only an intervention and four-month stay at the Sandhills Clinic in Decatur...
Posted by Edward on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Scatter Drained

I'm starting my own Hollywood religion, Diarrheanetics. No one will get ahead in this town without shitting their way to the top. I'll set up Shit Test stands on every corner to test the viscosit...
Posted by Edward on Wed, 27 Sep 2006 05:19:00 PST

Open Dialogue

There are two things I know when a girlfriend asks "What about me do you like?"  Either you're about to be berated for unwarranted attention to certain aspects of her, or castigate...
Posted by Edward on Sun, 17 Sep 2006 07:59:00 PST

Hand Jobs

I've developed a nervous tic that wasn't there before. I'd have it treated, but it appears to be set at exactly the frequency required to push my lover over the edge....
Posted by Edward on Sun, 17 Sep 2006 07:49:00 PST

Leading By Example

My first grade teacher still raves to my mother about what a great student I was to teach and that my example led her to stick to it after all these years, in hopes of finding one more kid who could s...
Posted by Edward on Sun, 17 Sep 2006 07:39:00 PST

if you knew how i missed you

If you knew how I missed youYou would not stay away todayDon't you know I need youStay here my dear with meI need you here my darlingTogether for a day a dayTogether never partingJust you just me ...
Posted by Edward on Wed, 23 Aug 2006 11:00:00 PST

Dream Girl

I haven't met her yet but she's just starting 10th grade next year. I'll pick her up just after she graduates, takes a bus to Hollywood to become a star but finds her talents more carnal than theatric...
Posted by Edward on Sun, 17 Sep 2006 07:33:00 PST