WHO I AM

I HAVE BEEN DOING STAND UP COMEDY FOR ALMOST 18 YRS NOW.
I AM VERY FORTUNATE TO BE ABLE TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE BY MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH.
COMPARED TO THE MANY COMICS THAT ARE FUNNIER THAN I AM BUT HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET THE BREAKS I HAVE.
I AM LIVING PROOF THAT THE FASTEST MAN DOESN'T ALWAYS WIN THE RACE AND
THE STRONGEST MAN DOESN'T ALWAYS WIN THE BATTLE.
I GOT INTO COMEDY BECAUSE I WENT TO A COMEDY SHOW ONE NIGHT AND REALIZED THAT THE COMEDIANS WERE GETTING PAID FOR DOING WHAT ME AND MY FRIENDS HAVE ALWAYS DONE FOR FREE.
SO I TOOK A CLASS THAT SHOWED ME HOW TO GET INTO THE BUSINESS AND HAVE NEVER LOOKED BACK
I HAVE BEEN BLESSED BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS AND EXPECTATIONS
I HAVE MET AND WORKED WITH SOME OF THE BIGGEST STARS IN HOLLLYWOOD. BUT AS MUCH AS I LOVE COMEDY AND IT'S PERKS, IT IS WAY DOWN MY LIST OF WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME IN LIFE. MY WIFE IS CLOSE TO THE TOP OF THE LIST
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO THE FUNNIEST, SEXIEST LITTLE THING FOR 21 YEARS.
WE ARE STILL ON OUR HONEYMOON BUT BEFORE YOU FEEL LIKE THROWING UP
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, IT CAME AT A HIGH PRICE
LOTS OF COMPROMISING AND FORGIVING, SCREAMING AND SHOUTING, PATIENCE AND PRAYING. SOME OF YOUR BEST MARRIAGES HAD TO BE TESTED AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. I HAVE TWO GORGEOUS DAUGHTERS. (THANKS TO MY WIFE) 18 AND 13.
I ALWAYS PRAY THAT GOD WILL SOMEDAY BRING THEM A HUSBAND THAT WILL LOVE THEM AS MUCH AS I LOVE THEIR MAMA. IF HE DOES, THEN I WILL BE A HAPPY CAMPER.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THE LIFE THAT I HAVE. THE AMERICAN DREAM DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW FORTUNATE I AM.
ALL I KNOW IS, I SPENT HALF MY LIFE BRINGING PAIN AND MISERY TO THOSE AROUND ME.
THE SHAMEFUL THINGS I'VE DONE TO POOR INNOCENT PEOPLE CANNOT BE SHARED. I FEEL I HAVE TO GIVE BACK SOME HOW SOME WAY AND ONE OF THOSE WAYS IS THROUGH HUMOR,
WHICH IS WHY I DO PRISONS, CHURCHES, AA, NA, JUVENILE HALLS. I GO IN AND MAKE THEM LAUGH AND SHARE SOME THINGS THAT HELPED ME GET BACK ON TRACK. IT IS MORE REWARDING THAN ANY TV SHOW OR VEGAS STAGE I'VE DONE. I HAVE LEARNED THAT WHEN YOU PUT GLADNESS IN SOMEONE'S HEART, GOD AUTOMATICALLY REWARDS YOU IN HIS OWN STRANGE WAY, NO MATTER HOW GOOD OR BAD YOU THINK YOU ARE.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE FUNNY TO DO THAT, JUST USE WHATEVER TALENT YOU'E BEEN GIVEN
FIX SOMEONE'S CAR WHO CAN'T AFFORD IT OR JUST VISIT A LONELY PERSON. WATCH HOW GLAD THEY GET
THEN SIT BACK AND WATCH GOD DO SOMETHING FOR YOU. I KNOW IT SOUNDS CORNY TO SOME BUT TRUST ME IT WORKS.
AT THE TOP OF MY LIST OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE IS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST. THE ROCKIEST RELATIONSHIP I'VE EVER HAD. I'VE DONE HIM WRONG SO MANY TIMES AND UNFORTUNATELY WILL PROBABLY DO IT AGAIN.
BUT HIS LOVE FOR ME IS SO DEEP AND UNCONDITIONAL. I KNOW THERE IS NOTHING THAT I CAN DO TO MAKE HIM THINK ANY LESS OF ME.
WHEN I WAS YOUNG
A PREACHER ONCE TOLD ME THAT IF I PLACE MY LIFE IN GOD'S HANDS, HE COULD CHANGE ME AND REDIRECT THE PATH THAT I HAD TAKEN.AND
THE STRONGEST MAN DOESN'T ALWAYS WIN THE BATTLE.
I GOT INTO COMEDY BECAUSE I WENT TO A COMEDY SHOW ONE NIGHT AND REALIZED THAT THE COMEDIANS WERE GETTING PAID FOR DOING WHAT ME AND MY FRIENDS HAVE ALWAYS DONE FOR FREE
SO I TOOK A CLASS THAT SHOWED ME HOW TO GET INTO THE BUSINESS AND HAVE NEVER LOOKED BACK
I HAVE BEEN BLESSED BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS AND EXPECTATIONS
I HAVE MET AND WORKED WITH SOME OF THE BIGGEST STARS IN HOLLLYWOOD. BUT AS MUCH AS I LOVE COMEDY AND IT'S PERKS, IT IS WAY DOWN MY LIST OF WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME IN LIFE. MY WIFE IS CLOSE TO THE TOP OF THE LIST
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO THE FUNNIEST, SEXIEST LITTLE THING FOR 21 YEARS. WE ARE STILL ON OUR HONEYMOON BUT BEFORE YOU FEEL LIKE THROWING UP
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, IT CAME AT A HIGH PRICE
LOTS OF COMPROMISING AND FORGIVING, SCREAMING AND SHOUTING, PATIENCE AND PRAYING. SOME OF YOUR BEST MARRIAGES HAD TO BE TESTED AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. I HAVE TWO GORGEOUS DAUGHTERS (THANKS TO MY WIFE) 18 AND 13.
I ALWAYS PRAY THAT GOD WILL SOMEDAY BRING THEM A HUSBAND THAT WILL LOVE THEM AS MUCH AS I LOVE THEIR MAMA. IF HE DOES, THEN I WILL BE A HAPPY CAMPER.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THE LIFE THAT I HAVE. THE AMERICAN DREAM DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW FORTUNATE I AM.
ALL I KNOW IS, I SPENT HALF MY LIFE BRING PAIN AND MISERY TO SOCIETY
THE SHAMEFUL THINGS I'VE DONE TO POOR INNOCENT PEOPLE CANNOT BE SHARED. I FEEL I HAVE TO GIVE BACK SOME HOW SOME WAY AND ONE OF THOSE WAYS IS THROUGH HUMOR,
WHICH IS WHY I DO PRISONS, CHURCHES, AA, NA, JUVENILE HALLS. I GO IN AND MAKE THEM LAUGH AND SHARE SOME THINGS THAT HELPED ME GET BACK ON TRACK. IT IS MORE REWARDING THAN ANY TV SHOW OR VEGAS STAGE I'VE DONE. I HAVE LEARNED THAT WHEN YOU PUT GLADNESS IN SOMEONE'S HEART, GOD AUTOMATICALLY REWARDS YOU IN HIS OWN STRANGE WAY, NO MATTER HOW GOOD OR BAD YOU THINK YOU ARE.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE FUNNY TO DO THAT, JUST USE WHATEVER TALENT YOU'E BEEN GIVEN
FIX SOMEONE'S CAR WHO CAN'T AFFORD IT OR JUST VISIT A LONELY PERSON. WATCH HOW GLAD THEY GET
THEN SIT BACK AND WATCH GOD DO SOMETHING FOR YOU. I KNOW IT SOUNDS CORNY TO SOME BUT TRUST ME IT WORKS.
AT THE TOP OF MY LIST OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE IS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST. THE ROCKIEST RELATIONSHIP I'VE EVER HAD. I'VE DONE HIM WRONG SO MANY TIMES AND UNFORTUNATELY WILL PROBABLY DO IT AGAIN.
BUT HIS LOVE FOR ME IS SO DEEP AND UNCONDITIONAL. I KNOW THERE IS NOTHING THAT I CAN DO TO MAKE HIM THINK ANY LESS OF ME.
WHEN I WAS YOUNG
A PREACHER ONCE TOLD ME THAT IF I PLACE MY LIFE IN GOD'S HANDS, HE COULD CHANGE ME AND REDIRECT THE PATH THAT I HAD TAKEN.I BELIEVED IT AND RECEIVED IT.
THE PREACHER WASN'T LYING. EVERYTHING HE SAID WAS TRUE.
GOD HAS BEEN CHANGING ME EVER SINCE AND WILL CONTINUE TO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
I BELIEVE THERE IS A TIME TO LAUGH AND A TIME TO CRY.
LAUGHTER IS GOOD FOR THE HEART BUT SORROW IS EVEN BETTER BECAUSE IT HAS A REFINING EFFECT ON THE HUMAN SPIRIT. BOTH ARE A GIFT FROM GOD.
I THANK HIM FOR BOTH OF THEM BECAUSE, TOGETHER THEY HAVE BROUGHT ME TO WHERE I AM TODAY.