The Goings-On

Here it is... One random day in 2001, maybe 2002 (who cares), Jon Gunnell was doing some hanging out at his Korean (South Korean of course) friend's house, chatting it up with some friends on America Online Instant Messanger. Next thing you know he gets an Instant Message from Firey Dragqueen (or whatever the hell his screen name was back then). This Instant Message read something like “wtf who da fuck is dis lol?” So of course, Jon replied with “fuck u, rotfl who da fuck is dis brb?” This went on for several minutes until the two realized that they had never officially met before but they had some of the same friends and had attended the same high school. It turned out to be Italian mobster, PJ (who has requested that his real last name not be used for witness protection purposes). Then PJ, or Phil as he is known in the rock community, remembered that someone had given him Jon’s screen name because they (who the fuck was “they” anyway?) had thought Jon and Phil would have a lot in common (musically of course…) and should probably get a band together to take over the world or some shit. So Phil and Jon decided to hook up (musically of course…) and write some songs together. After several weeks of getting high, writing songs, and climbing trees and what not, Jon decided to introduce Phil to his fellow Norwin Knight jamheads. Next thing you know, Dose For Monday was created. It was THE ultimate band to perform Jon and Phils masterpieces. It was made up of local legend The Slates, and the ultimate middleman to the hippy and punk communities himself, Joshua B. This band, rival to the equally as legendary The Revolvers, toured all over North Huntingdon Township. In the following year, Dose For Monday and The Revolvers continued to battle over drugs, territory, women, and cook outs. No one band, let alone two bands, in the history of the world had ever created such a stir in the sleepy town of North Huntingdon. Needless to say, Dose For Monday and The Revolvers success paved the way for a huge burst of ridiculous bands to come out of the area. Anyway, the fuckers did a bunch of whores and drugs and the normal shit then both bands broke up like a bunch of pussies. Jon managed to be the middle guy and participated in both bands at the same time which of course made him the ultimate legend in North Huntingdon. But, of course, after both bands broke up, that made him the ultimate pussy in North Huntingdon. So, after a few deaths and a few amputations, both bands split into pieces. The surviving Revolvers members moved on to equally as groundbreaking but never as respected bands such as The Black Path, Frozen Throne, Styx, Hawkeye, Bitches Come Get Some, REO Speedwagon, Origen, and The Takeover UK (what am I forgetting help me out?). The surviving members of Dose For Monday, however, went into fucking comas. All of them. They could not adapt to the sudden change in their lifestyles. One day, they were ONLY accepting shows that were listed as “Battle of the Bands” (all of which they won of course) and the next day, they were drug addicts selling all of their band equipment to Sylvester’s Music in downtown Irwin to get some cash for meth. Anyways, Jon and Phil kept getting together because it seemed like only one of them would have any crystal meth at any given time and being that they have such a deep love for each other (musically of course…), they would continue hanging out and writing songs. Several years past and they built up a collection of awesome rock tunes. In the meantime, Jon started playing with this group of hardcore kids that he met in his AA group. That’s where he met Drew C. Drew was a punk rocker. He listened to shit like American Football and The Owls and Modest Mouse. Anyway, the AA instructor informed the group that it would be a good idea for everyone to try to get involved in something that they have never done before and never thought they would ever do in their wildest dreams. They said it would help with the recovery process or something. Well Drew and Jon decided to join a hardcore band called Winslow. Both of them hated hardcore, why wouldn’t that be a great idea? Winslow recorded some shit, toured around North America etc… It was the most success either of them had witnessed playing in any kinda of band before. Their drinking habits were totally improving too. They were drunk ALL the time. It was their meth addictions that ruined it though. Eventually, Jon had to leave because he had to serve time for beating up a crack selling midget in Columbus. As soon as Jon got out, he immediately got back together with Phil (musically of course…). They threw 20 or 30 hot rock tunes together. Then needing someone to play bass, Jon gave his buddy Drew all call. It went something like this:
“Drew, fucking hooker stole my money man.”
“Yeah, same here”
“Shit”
“Shit”
And there you have it.