Currently working on my memoir The 40-Year-Old Vagina. Due for release in 2015.
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Someone who thinks their taste in music sucks...
"Show me a well-adjusted, successful man who wants to settle down and have kids and I'm not interested, but find me an alcoholic in his mid-thirties that still thinks his band might make it, and just tell me where I can show up and buy him dinner."
"Oprah! Even when she's irritated, she's lovable and intriguing. Oprah! Even when she's bossy and impatient and self-absorbed, she still wows you with her generosity of spirit and her openness and her warmth. I love fat Oprah. I love skinny Oprah. I love in-between Oprah. I love "I'm never dieting again!" Oprah. I love marathon-running Oprah. I love "screw marriage!" Oprah. I love "my little yapping doggies are my babies" Oprah. I love the whole Oprah franchise, with every one of the billions and billions of Oprahs served. I love the whole Oprah universe, with every one of the trillions and trillions of Oprahs that exist under the sun, to infinity and beyond!"
"Meet me at Club Douchebag."
"No. Club Douchebag has a velvet rope and a line."
"You'll be on the list, you won't have to wait."
"But I'll have to get clearance from a meathead, I don't like meatheads and I don't need/want their clearance."
"They will just let you through, besides everybody recognizes you, what are you worried about?"
"Worried about? I'm worried about meeting the people inside. The people inside are the people who stand in lines. I don't want to meet any line standers because they will just want me to go stand in a line with them somewhere else later on.."
"He told me he wanted to go downstairs. I told him I lived in a one story."
I'm not even kidding about deleting your flyer if you bust out my frames! Learn to resize Einstein. Also, no "Thanks for the add!" or glitter shit. Please be aware that reposts are an internal IQ Test. Carry on.
I watch it on DVD.
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Yer Mom!!!