The Keatons formed in London in late 1986, with Steve, Dave, Neil & Ken. After a couple of years of occasional demos and gigs in terrible London pubs, things started becoming a bit odd. Mo, a performance artist who Steve had been told floated vegetables up the Thames, began to get involved - and by involved I mean hurling himself about while carrying corrugated card. If band members failed to turn up, someone else would be roped in at the last minute. I remember video huts, juggling, elephants and golf. "Enterprising," said Everett True in the Melody Maker in 1989, during a 200-word slagging. The first single "Residivistish" came out - albeit horribly slow, play at 49rpm for best results - and John Peel played it on Radio 1. We invited him out for a curry. He said no.
Rhodri turned up eating an orange in 1990 and became the 5th member. Ken left before a UK tour with Thrilled Skinny in the spring, predicting chaos. He wasn't wrong. Dave had a nasty breakdown a few weeks after recording the "Seven" 12"EP, during a memorable and horrific gig at North London Poly. Everything was falling apart, but we were still managing to do gigs, god knows how; probably because of the multi-instrumental talents of Simon Regis, who would be prepared to fill any role if asked nicely enough. a tour of Scotland with The Ex, Dawson and Pregnant Neck saw us drive all the way to the Outer Hebrides and play to 10 people. So many awful tales. Andy Holloway, who had been filling in on drums, left that summer, predicting chaos. He wasn't wrong. After a ropey audition in Camden, Warren joined on drums. Mo's flailing take on art plus dancing became a permanent fixture. That autumn, we were asked to support Blur on their first UK tour. We were either incendiary, or completely abysmal. This lack of consistency didn't go down well. We were thrown off the tour. We took refuge that winter in Europe, out first dates outside the UK. It was freezing.
We did about 90 gigs in 1991, including a terrifying tour of Europe in the most unroadworthy vehicle known to mankind, driven by a racist porn-addict. We left a trail of destruction, bad feeling, extraordinary music and some lovely friends in our wake. So many awful tales. In April we went to Ireland for a terrible 4-date tour which ended in a massive audience fist fight in a town called Kill; Neil decided he'd had enough. He remained the songwriter and sent us cassettes, but barely played another show over the next 4 years. We parted company with Warren after an argument about taking a van back to the hire company. Kevin Burrows took Neil's place and revelled in the ridiculousness of the live experience, engaging with Mo and ruining perfectly good jumpers in the process. Steve Brookes joined on drums after being called in an emergency before a gig in Hull. Brooksie claims that Steve Keaton said to him after the gig "Stick around." Steve denies this. We recorded "The Beige Album" that autumn, although we didn't hear it for another 2 years as we couldn't afford to pay the studio bill and get hold of the tapes.
This line-up - Rhodri, Steve, Brooksie, Kev, Mo, and Dave - illness permitting - remained pretty consistent from 1992 until mid 1995, with a base in leafy Welwyn Garden City. We continued to operate a policy of never turning down a gig; we played in Holland, Belgium, France, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Hungary, the Czech Republic and Denmark, with the usual combination of head-spinning highs and arse-grinding lows. We recorded an album with the splendid title "Ex Vide Betamaxi In Honda Cotopaxi" while in the Czech Republic; buying the tapes, again, proved expensive and problematic; we ended up living off pea soup, pasta and fried cheese; in Brno a middle aged couple took pity on us and gave us some dubious-looking cans of corned beef, which were revolting. But thanks anyway.
In May 1995 we toured Germany; tapes of songs from Neil had dried up, so we started massacring Andy Holloway's instead. Everyone seemed a bit grumpy - not because of the songs, I hasten to add. At a rehearsal room somewhere in Potsdam, a huge argument blew up over whether a riff Dave had invented was any good or not; we knew things were probably drawing to a close. The riff, incidentally, was rubbish. After an outdoor show in Jena - during which it became clear that a Yamaha keyboard auto-rhythm used on one of the songs sounded more impressive than the rest of the band - we cancelled the rest of the shows and went home. Kev, Rhodri and Steve quietly slipped away. Steve and Dave continued with a different sample-based sound and a female singer, produced a CD entitled "Limp", and completed a final tour of Denmark.
Dave and Andy still live in Welwyn, and continue to play tunes under the name The Keatons.
Steve Keaton emigrated to New Zealand, and who could blame him.
Kevin Burrows went on to drive a forklift truck while making wonderful music in WHINE, Gag, The Spores, 64 and BCS Entertainments.
Rhodri played with Kevin in Gag, and then formed The Free French, and somehow ended up in Scritti Politti.
Mo lives in Welwyn, and is still permanently surrounded by mountains of junk.
Simon Regis runs a successful reptile business.
Not sure what happened to Warren. He couldn't half drive.
Brooksie was last seen with a beard playing folk music.
Ken was last seen on television, extolling the virtues of visiting London on your holidays.
Neil lives in Brighton, and is probably still an oblique songwriting genius.
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Rhodri Marsden, 4/2/2007
