Alex

I'd like to meet:

hills, alex

if you're looking at this with internet explorer... you're looking at this the wrong way. just leave now.

LA Hotel 03.01.08

takes notes, mta.

by battles

by kozyndan

a shrimp who sought his lady shrimp
could catch no glimpse
not even a glimp.
at times, translucence
is rather a nuisance.
-the shrimp by ogden nash

Harry Potter: Too Much For Toddlers To Handle?

wednesday, july twenty-fifth, two thousand and seven

The other day, I viewed the most recent Harry Potter movie out by my apartment in Park Slope. I was surprised by the absence of all but one young child in the audience. Usually, the movie theater in Park Slope is swarming with out-of-control children acting with no regard for the others who have come for a viewing. In attendance last Sunday were mostly college or post-college age "young adults", "elderly" couples, and a few middle-aged parents. "How do you know they were parents?" You might ask, well... I know because they decided to bring their illiterate pre-preschool toddler to the movie (this was the one young child that I spoke of earlier). I'm not sure if it was a toddler or an infant or a baby as I'm not up to snuff on my young child classifications so from now on I'll just call it one of the three, but I do know that this recently born human could not understand a word of the movie (and this had nothing to do with those fancy European accents all the actors had). Nevertheless, our young movie goer had plenty to say about what was happening on screen. With every new rule that Professor Umbridge passed in Hogwarts our young friend emphatically shared his/her thoughts, "Gaa gaa goo, waaaaaaah!" At first, I thought we had a disgruntled critic in the audience with us but as the movie went on and no one told this "critic" to "shut the hell up" I realized that this was in fact a baby. If it had been someone that would understand, "Shut your flap trap" I'm sure someone would have said it, but how can you say something like that to someone with no knowledge of language.

This brings me to the next most annoying person in the theater that night: the mom. What person with a brain brings their baby to a movie theater? This I do not understand. You're ruining the movie for everyone including yourself. I mean, think about it, you just spent $11 (do they make babies buy tickets too?) on movie tickets yet you cannot enjoy the movie because you constantly have to take care of your child. Also, everyone else in the theater came to watch and listen to the movie that was showing. They didn't pay to see you walk up and down the aisle while listening to the crying baby in your arms with Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix playing in the background. If they wanted to see something like that, they would've walked around Park Slope for a while viewing the flocks of oblivious mothers and fathers with giant 4-wheel-drive hummer-made baby strollers run innocent by-standers off the sidewalk. It's these same mothers and fathers that think it's okay to bring their non-walking non-talking children to the movies and then not leave when they start to cry.

I feel like people forget that we live in a city where your personal space doesn't extend beyond your house/apartment. "This is not your living room." I said this to a group of unsupervised pre-teens attending a showing of Spiderman 3. I don't think they really understood what I was getting at as they kept on talking for the rest of the movie anyway but I thought I was making a good point. The movie theater is not your living room. Nor is the subway or any coffee shop. The sidewalk is not yours either. It belongs to the city (Alicia can back me up on that one as she works for the Art Commission of NYC). Many people (myself included) don't really want to have to share these spaces with anyone else let alone have to listen to them blab about who they poked on Facebook, how many Jager Bombs they had the previous night, or listen to the unnecessary and incoherent shouts and screams that often come from teenagers outside my window.

The only place that is your living room is your living room. So unless you're in your living room reading it out loud to them, maybe Harry Potter is a bit too much for babies. And to go one step further, maybe the movies in general are a bit too much for them as well. Next time, hire a baby-sitter.

by rolf

by stephan doitschinoff

a bit of fry and laurie - america by hugh laurie

stevie wonder on sesame street - superstition

Apr 19, 2007 6:04 PM

Steve Lyman

sounds good!

Jan 18, 2007 4:05 PM

Hills

sorry steve... it was a live video feed from a watering hole in botswana. i've taken it off as it's makeing way too much noise.

Jan 3, 2007 6:04 PM

Steve Lyman

what in the tarnations is that sound... do you have any raid?

Nov 16, 2006 12:55 PM

Christopher Tordini

Mr. Hills,
Pay no mind to Ms. Ryker. As Tolstoy wrote, "Dans le doute, mon cher...abstiens-toi."

By the way, I have a new stretch to show you that'll really get the blood flowing to those lats....i mean this shit will seriously rearrange your molecules.

-Mr. Tordini

Nov 3, 2006 10:35 AM

stochastic radio

I thought I would comment on your lack of human interaction lately.

And propose that you modify that modus operandi.

Specifically, join me at the FMU record fair on Sunday? I'm offloading a BUNCH of records and CDs.

Signed,

Ms. Ryker

Nov 1, 2006 1:46 AM

Steve Lyman

Thanks for the invite about the Ale House- maybe this weekend we can all reconvene- CU man

Oct 31, 2006 9:59 AM

Patrick B..

bells, baby. i got that cd for you. this beeacth hasn't called me back about saturday. do whatcha gotta. bells, man.

Oct 24, 2006 2:04 AM

Steve Lyman

Alex... and I have one thing to say to you...

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMHILLS"

I heard you sounded great today, and Masa told me about the rock band with Kenny and Chris, and I have but one thing to say about that.... that's going to be the best band on the face of the world. Let's hang soon man- CU Alex

Oct 13, 2006 4:01 PM

Steve Lyman

ALLLLLLLEEEEXXXXXXXXXXX!

Oct 8, 2006 10:20 PM

stochastic radio

pollock = disappearing act

Sep 24, 2006 3:29 PM

Steve Lyman

When are we playing again...

Hills......

Sep 17, 2006 12:52 AM

Kelly Watson

woah! someone's good on computers! jeez. your myspace page is like a who' notha' lebl. we seemed to have completely dropped off eachother's radars seeing as how it's been like 9000 years since i saw you last, but i just wanted to say hi and that i like this pic of you and the CTster.

Sep 13, 2006 10:42 AM

stochastic radio

Will Shortz knows his composition, er, urtext...that is.

Sep 12, 2006 5:35 PM

Jason

You MySpace game is tight son

Sep 12, 2006 12:57 AM

Steve Lyman

wow

Jul 17, 2006 1:44 PM

Alex

The wyatt way can be treacherous....through forests, into valleys, over the rolling HILLS...... my friend, are you ready?

click to change colors. press any key to clear your canvas...

by miltos manetas

by bansky

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