The Anti-couple Mission Statement
"Woe to you, Oh couples that be, for the Devil fucks like a beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short... Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast for it is a human number, its number is Sixty Nine".
This mission statement should be quoted and shouted at couples as often as possible.
The Anti-couple sign
Help the anti-couple movement by distributing this sign on the net with a link to this site. Put it on your profile to show your support. The couples must be wiped out!!
Reasons why coupledom is destroying society:
1. Society dictates that everyone should be in a couple when there are plenty other options! As a result people feel pressured to be in a couple and feel like a failure when they aren't. Persuing the perfect relationship just leads to misery.
2. As soon as people become couples, they forget their friends.
3. As soon as people become couples they become boring and never go out socialising. As soon as they become single again they come alive again like a beautiful butterfly.
4. If on a rare occassion a couple comes out to socialise they are completely boring and anti-social and think it's ok to make single friends feel like a gooseberry by constant groping.
5. The vast majority of couples are really unhappy and sexually repressed and frustrated.
6. Many couples have no sex life or a dull sex life because they have overdosed on each other and are sick of the sight of each other. What a thouroughly unfulfilling existance!
7. Most couples are based on possession and control rather than love! The ANTI-COUPLE do believe in love! Two people in love is a beautiful thing but there is no need to be so boring and lame with it like the couples.
8. Many couples don't actually even like each other they are just too insecure and afraid to be single. They stay together long after they both realise it isn't working just because they are weak conformist morons.
9. They argue constantly in front of people in a selfish overly dramatic self-indulgent manner. They think their pathetic quarrels are more important than anyone elses night out.
10. Nearly all couples cheat on each other anyway! Without couples there is no dishonesty and betrayal.
11. Monogamy is unatural.
12. Threesomes are fucking awesome!
13. Couples mean way less sex for singles! How many times has someone really fancied you but they wouldn't do anything about it because they were in some unhappy realtionship. Almost everyone is in a couple because they feel they should be even when they are unhappy. Without couples people who actually like each other would be together instead of people who feel they are obligated to be together.
14. Society is prejudice against singles. Holidays for example are really expensive for single people but you get a huge discount for being a couple. Also invitations always say, "For "name" and partner." They never say to "Name" and bring a partner, two partners etc, a few friends or fuck buddies.
15. Couples are smug bastards. Until they get dumped or their mundane coupledoom doesn't work out. Then they are like, "Why have I got no friends anymore, why aren't they here for me?" Cos you abandoned them all for a life of smug hermit coupledoom you big fools.
Join up today and help rid the world of these dispicable boring abominations that are destroyng society! The couple halocaust is coming!!!
Open Relationships, Swinging and Immunity
Our enemy is the rigid and unatural institution known as coupledom. Marriage is a religious and political tactic to control the masses. We reject it completely.
We do however approve of and very much welcome into our league swingers and people in open relationships.
Certain couples who insist on being faithful but reject coupledom as an institution may be granted immunity from the wrath of the anti-couple league but only on fulfilling ALL of the following conditions:
- They reject the institution of marriage
- Whilst being a couple they reject coupledom as a religious, political and social institution
- They are friends or are willing to become friends with at least one anti-couple member
- They socialise and don't abandon their friends
- They don't spend ALL of their time together and socialise individually on occassion
- They are still very much in love and sexually active
The institution of coupledom is the enemy and it will be destroyed!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I accept most add requests even from couples. However, that doesn't automatically make them an official member of the Anti-couple League, neither does it automatically grant them immunity. I accept their requests because they are showing an interest in the cause. They can be fed the Anti-couple propaganda and one day may be converted!!
Anti-couple Songs
Here are some songs that are vaguely Anti-couple. We approve! They can be our anthems. I wanted to add some industrial and extreme metal but I couldn't find any with an Anti-couple theme. Hope you enjoy these!
Get your own Flash MP3 Player
The Anti-couple Staff
The Anti-couple - Head Of The Anti-couple League
Noel hasn't had a single monoagamous relationship that has lasted more than just a few weeks. He hasn't even been in a relationship at all for over 5 years. Since joining the Anti-couple League he hasn't given in to the enemy once. His pulling techniques are second only in unsubtlty and directness to Couple Slayer Mike. His completely over the top flirting is legendary. All this makes him the perfect choice to lead the war against the couples.
Founder and 'Head Of Field Ops'
Stu founded the Anti-couple movement back in 2003. However, he had to resign as he sold out to coupledom. All was not lost though as Noel took over as Head of The Anti-couple League. Thankfully Stu saw the error of his coupling ways and is back with us as 'Head Of Field Ops'. His tactical skills are imaginative, effective and devastating to couples. On a night out couple destroying Stu is an important and useful asset.
Couple Slayer Mike
Mike is to couples what a nuclear bomb was to Hiroshima. His razor sharp pulling techniques are lightning fast and completely unsubtle. He can be terrifying. He'll have your girlfriends knickers off before you can get a drink from the bar. Be afraid, be very afraid. Lock up your girlfriends. You have been warned.
Cuntstuble James
James is our finest Anti-couple officer. His couple spotting skills are unrivaled. He spots couples, notes their crimes and then reports them to the relevant Anti-couple authorities. He has even been known to beat people's girlfriends with his anti-couple truncheon.
Sai The Spy
Sai is an undercover spy. He Infiltrates couples & finds out enemy plans. He is the Anti-couple equivilent of batman. Some people even say he has the power of invisibility and they have seen him vanish before their eyes. If this is true he could be watching your girlfriend shower right now.
Head Of PR
Rachael's job is 'Head Of PR'. She manages communications both within the organisation and with the general public. She arranges promotional campaignes and events to raise public awareness of our worthy cause. However, she also takes her 'public relations' skills a step further as a couple temptress! Luring couple members of either gender away from their spouses simply with her hypnotic beauty, sex appeal and magnetic aura. She dresses to kill and the couples are her helpless victims.
The Couple Torturer
Karen is 'The Couple Torturer'. As a last resort when the Anti-couple Milita have to actually kidnap couple members we pass them on to this sadistic dominatrix. Her torture chamber contains hand cuffs, whips, chains, nipple clamps as well as various mind boggling implements that I'd rather not think about. What she does to these poor couple members I'm not really sure but they always spill important enemy information between screams and once she sets them free they never ever return to coupledom.
Debs the Destroyer
Debs looks sweet and innocent but it's just a cunningly deceptive Anti-couple tactic. She's really a couple destroyer of the most dangerous kind. She's like a preying mantis. She'll seduce your boyfriend, make him fall for her then destroy him! She's a efficient couple assassin and crucial to the war against couples. She also makes single life look so much fun that she's a great advertisement for the Anti-couple League.
Motherfucker Mark
Mark's is our resident specialist in the area of fucking people's mums. He can spot an unhappy, undersexed piece of MILF from across a crowded pub, club, street etc. He fills them with the excitement they have been so lacking, amonsgst other things. He has even been known to push a realistic plastic doll around in a pram and turn up at playschools and mother and toddler groups to seduce these mothers. When the women are reaching climax he likes to scream, "It's just a fucking doll!! You've been screwed by the Anti-couple League." By this time the mothers are so happy that they are finally cumming that they don't care. They usually join the Anti-couple League immediately after."
Safe Sex
Sex is a wonderful thing but as the anti-couple I feel it is my responsibility to promote safe sex. Be sensible if you are gonna sleep around. Always use a condom. Actually always own too many and keep some with you if you're going for a night out. I highly recommend Durex Featherlites!! The rubber is much finer than normal condoms so you can feel it much better. However, I've never had one break on me or slip off. Which is more than I can say for those Durex 'Extra Safe' which feel like you're wearing a plastic bag and are prone to ripping! Use featherlites and enjoy yourselves without STD's or unwanted pregnancies. Have fun fucking but don't fuck up your life or anyone elses in the process mkay.
Noel
Head of the Anti-couple League
Message To Couples
YES COUPLES YOU ARE MEANT TO FIND THIS SITE OFFENSIVE!!
Although this site isn't 100% serious, only 99% ;) the main point is to bring awareness to couples and make them think!! If you are in a really happy relationship don't be so smug about it and consider your single friends feelings. Don't abandon them, or your social lives. If, however, you are in the vast majority of couples who are unhappy, repressed, depressed and frustrated but too weak to do anything about it then GET A FUCKING LIFE! You only get one life why waste it on someone you don't like nevermind love. Dump them and join the anti-couple league today or you will end up like these:
Is that what you want? Cos that's what will happen!
Or even this tragic couple:
The woman in the photo above was Miss America 2002 until she met that mulleted loser. She fell in love with him so badly that she became a couple and lost her own identity. Now she has the same horrendous hair. A couple of years ago she suddenly realised what coupledom has done to her and was so depressed that she ate an abundance of KFC or Mc donalds every day. This was the last photo of her. She now can't leave the house as she can't fit through the door. Everyday she cries in bed whilst her husband feeds her and trims her mullet. Don't let this happen to you! Join the anti-couple league today!
Anti-couple Training Camps
In the Anti-couple training camps run by myself and 'Couple Slayer Mike' you will be trained in the following anti-couple skills:
How to identify couples that need rescueing
Efficient, unsubtle flirting techniques
How to break up couples whilst avoiding violent repercussions
How to deal with violent repercussions from aggrevated couples
How to talk couples into swinging and having threesomes
Extremeist Anti-couple Militant Strategies
Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. If you know an unhappy couple that need rescueing, here are some extremeist anti-couple militant strategies:
1. You could start by going over to them and quoting the anti-couple league beliefs and propaganda and telling them how much more fullfilling their lives would be in the anti-couple league.
2. When a spouse isn't looking sneak a used pair of knickers, a bra, undies or used condom into their bag. The chances of the other spouse finding it are quite high and it will give them both the welcome excuse they have been waiting for to live again!
3. If you are in a club and you see the same couple sat at the same table week after week looking bored. Wait until one of them goes for a piss. Then use the pulling techniques you learned in the anti-couple training camps to get off with the remaining spouse. You have to wait until the pissing spouse returns though and finds their partner cheating. You may well get a punch like I have done on occassions so I only recommend this one to the highest ranking most experienced anti-couple members.
Anti-couple Groups/Forums
http://groups.myspace.com/anticoupleleague
Please add yourselves when you join and get posting on the forum. I don't have time to add everyone. If you join up with the Anti-couple League it's compulsary you join the group and post on the forum otherwise I will spank you and a damn good thrashing it will be!
The Tragedy Of Coupledom
Many of us in the Anti-couple league have lost good friends to coupledom. If you have a friend who is considering getting into coupledom then give them the address of this site.