Steven Mounier was born March 18, 1987 in Gorj county, Romania. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. There was a grave apple shortage in Romania, and Steven's mother would send him out deep into the forest to find food. On one of these trips, Steven encountered a REAL American Indian. Steven tried to talk to the man, but the man was silent, and responded only by giving Steven a guitar. Steven took the guitar home but was brutally beaten by his father who shouted "Giurgiu timis tulcea!" which literally translates "I have a great affinity for white bread!" Steven moved to America to escape his father's clutches and has since honed his skills alongside such acts as Katrina and the Waves, The Duchess of Canterbury, and your mother.
On April 5, 2001, he was awarded the Medal of Freedom by President George W. Bush for Brave Acts of Sodomy While Under Great Stress, or BASWUGS. Since then, Steven has taken to writing songs about the struggles faced by a young man growing up in a fast-paced capitalist society. On June 18, 2002, his hit single "Fantastical Orgy in D Major (op. 133)" reached #1 on the Billboard Charts. Afterwards, however, things took a turn for the worse as Steven started abusing white-out and stopped writing songs. He was goaded back into the business by General Tom Düshebäg (1st Armored, 2nd Division), who taught the boy not to give up hope by making him watch endless marathons of "Happy Days."
Steven returned to songwriting years later. He bought a farm in rural Uganda and wrote the songs "The Way It Used to Be" about his time in the forest, searching for apples, and "Underwater," a heartfelt tribute to wildlife conservationist and Trip-Hop innovator Steve Irwin.
In 2005, he was awarded an honorary degree from DeVry University for Excellence in the Culinary Arts and Care of Kittens. In 2006, he was charged with Second Degree Rape, only to have his bovine accuser change its story numerous times. The jury acquitted Steven, to which he replied, "Thank God I am free at last!" and accosted the nearest spotted cow.
Steven claims to play, among other things, bass clarinet, harpsichord, violin, Bb trumpet, flute, cello, piano, guitar, harmonica, and digireedoo. When asked by an international committee to demonstrate his ability to play all of these instruments, as it would qualify him for placement in the Guiness Book of World Records, Steven replied by taking off his shirt, painting an Armenian flag on his chest, and sitting down Indian-style while screaming "ATTICA! ATTICA!"
He has slept with AT LEAST 150 women and is probably coming after the most attractive member of your family next. While estimates of his girth vary among sources, most females do agree that he does emit a strong, attractive "lemony" scent. This has caused problems in the past, for instance, he is not allowed to travel on airplanes or play tennis in a closed facility.
In 2007, he married his longtime partner, a six-hundred pound Panda Bear named "Chin Ku" or "Fighting Woman". While this marriage was not sanctioned under international law nor approved of by the majority of mainstream animal rights' organizations, Steven refuses to compromise, citing what he claims is a 1789 United States Law. He has consistently failed to produce documentation for the existence of such a law. - John Locke