Pantouf profile picture

Pantouf

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About Me

I am four and eight months old but I had to put that I was really old for a joke because the computer won't let me put just four. My mum has a shop it is on the internet it is called Red Hot Ruby Boutique and it sells COOL t-shirts loads of rockabilly singers and guitarists wear them they really are THAT cool! So anyway here is a link:-
*CLICK HERE TO VISIT MUM'S SHOP WWW.REDHOTRUBY.COM IT IS WAY COOL!*
I was a Chelsea fan right but then my mum threatened to put me up for ADOPTION if I didn't support Tottenham because my brothers and my mum and my nanny and grandad and uncle Bonabon who is my mum's brother all support Tottenham Hotspur but I thought Chelsea were better because they have the best players in the world like Frank Lampards and John Terrys they are my favourite players they are SKILL. But as it turns out to be honest I'm not that BOTHERED because they both are banging on about leaving Stamford Bridges and that is RUBBISH they are not LOYAL they can go go on see if I care you lot! So now I am a SPURS fan because they have got UNTOLD skill and Aaron Lennons and Jermain Defoes and Dimitar Berbatovs are the DON!
Guess what, my mum met Frank Lampards of Chelsea FC ages ago when he played at West Ham he asked her on a date and she said 'no thanks!' because she had a boyfriend but sometimes when she has had a lot of wine she says stuff like 'Oh, Pantouf, I wish I'd gone out with Frank Lampards!' and I laugh but really I wish she had too because he is well rich and I would get Chelsea tickets and a new kit every season! Also he is fit so my mum would kiss him all the time and that would make her happy! But it doesn't matter now because mum is marrying my new dad he plays guitar and he is from FRANCE!
I like my mum's friends they are really pretty, my favourites are Cherry and Bo, Auntie Bo buys me sweets when I see her, that is WAY COOL. Here is mum and Cherry they are a bit drunk as usual at the Brighton Rumble, I am going there soon Uncle Phil says he'll put me on the guest list! I used to not be good and sometimes ran away to the park and once I said the 'F' word every day for a week but these days I am good because my mum has loads of stuff going on and she is well busy so it is better for her if I don't run away plus I am happy anyway we have got a nice place and we have even got NEW CUPBOARDS and a pink bathroom and a pink kitchen and a pink car! It is from Japan and it was imported, like me!
Also I like it when Uncle Phil lets Daniel drive his Chevy truck it is blatantly wicked here we are going to the Hot Rod Hayride watch out!
I was born in China I think and my real mum and dad were CAPTURED! By poachers. They tried to catch me but I ran and ran and they couldn't get me. Then an explorer SHOT the poachers and my mum and dad found me but by this time - it is very hectic I hope you can keep up! - I had been posted to England in a box. It said on the box 'To A Lovely Little Girl Who Wants To Look After A Baby Panda' and I ended up with my mum when she was a baby because God sent the box to her because she had a hole it was in her heart and she needed a baby panda to cheer her up and we have been together ever since and we go everywhere together like the beach, the shops, in the car and also in HOSPITAL which is when she is not well. I chat up the nurses some of them anyway not all of them just the fit ones!
Here is my favourite video of all time it is Gene Vincents & The Blue Caps check out Tommy Facendas he is WAY cool and my mum has got his autograph it's true! ..Look this is me with my real mum when I was a baby panda before I came over to live with my new mum I can still remember this day because I have a really good memory mum was eating a biscuit and not paying me any attention so I YELLED out and surprised her it was funny! Dad wasn't there he had gone to the shops to buy me some SWEETS. The bloke who is telling the story is an idiot because he says I am a little GIRL that is wrong!
.. This is me at my dad's house in FRANCE it was his birthday I bought him this cake it had sparklers I almost set my fur alight!

My Interests

Slip Slim and The Sliders

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OK mainly I am interested the most in football.
I go out with mum sometimes but only sometimes to see bands I like I only like ROCKABILLY I met Paul Ansells he has loads of HATS! Our picture was in a magazine it is called 'Now Dig This' it is about rock and roll and old people. Plus I go every year to The Rockabilly Rave it is mental I go mad.

I like Monster Munch pickled onion flavour bamboo shoots from the Chinese takeaway and cornflakes. On Saturday mornings I watch Saturday Kitchen with mum and Match of the Day with mum on Saturday nights when she is not at the Brighton Rumble and stuff like X-Factor with nanny when I stay there and play Connect Four and I am allowed to stay at Auntie Bo's and have my own DINOSAUR toothbrush at her house how cool is that? When I am with Auntie Bo nothing bad can happen she looks after me and I sleep cuddled up with her and her hair smells nice like flowers.
I am not scared of anything except massive spiders, so is my Uncle Bonabon he kills them with BOOKS! I just run away I also hate fish of all kinds on my plate but I like them swimming at the Sealife Centre in Brighton where I go to look at them and I hate baked beans and eggs especially strangled eggs that is just mess on a plate all yellow and wet. Bleuch! Mum makes me eat fruit and I like BROCERLI but not the stalks and I hate cabbage and I like spaghetti hoops but mum doesn't buy them she says they are crap but I can have them at nanny's. I sleep A LOT I forgot to mention that. And I like jigsaw puzzles but I never finish them I can't be bothered!

I'd like to meet:


Mum only lets me be friends with people she knows not STRANGERS so message me first and say 'I know your mum!' or she will make me press 'deny' because it is the internet and sometimes it is evil for kids.
I just met Peter Sandbergs from the Go-Getters I have always wanted to meet him he is WAY cool and he likes mum he gives her t-shirts and she gives him t-shirts and I went on stage by his drum kit to watch him play he is so excellent and a good mate as well you can ask him if you don't believe me I dare you!

Dita Von Teese, she is well fit! And she is getting divorced from that weirdo so I have a CHANCE now. Maybe a nice Chinese girl who I can send letters to and they can take them to my mum and dad. Here they are having a snack it is snowing!

I saw them on the telly they are in a special place where they eat bamboo and are in CAPTIVITY (not the Chinese girls, my mum and dad!) but it is not cruel it is coooool! They are helping to make more panda babies because there aren't many left and once my nanny and grandad went to China to VISIT and grandad brought back a letter for me from MY REAL DAD! It was so cool plus he sent me a calendar with animals on and a purse with a panda on for my mum to keep my pocket money in. I spend it mainly on Chomp bars or Fudge bars or Freddo's I LOVE chocolate it's so nice and makes my tummy happy.
I like that Kelly Brooks she would be a really good date I think.
I want to meet footballers mainly so John Terrys and Frank Lampards and Aaron Lennons mostly and Jermain Defoes I am about the same height as him also Michael Dawsons he plays for Spurs as well he is really brilliant and Dimitar Berbatov he has UNTOLD skill

I would really hate to go on a date with Paris Hiltons, she is stupid and her hair is made of old horses tails plus her skin is ORANGE and she is too expensive to take out I want a girlfriend who likes milkshakes and onion rings and fries!

Music:

The go getters

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You won't believe this but I have been on STAGE with Slim Slip & The Sliders Uncle Darren put me in his shirt and played a whole song on bass with me jumping about on his chest and THEN the Go-Getters came on and Peter said, 'OK this one goes out to Pantouf,' and he sang 'No Heart To Spare' and he changed a bit at the end to 'No Heart To Bear' and it was so funny and it was a DEDICATION for me I can't believe it still I am so amazed!

Also I like all what mum likes and Uncle Phil likes he is a DJ called Lucky Phil he is cool and he is married to Cherry he is SNEAKY he got there first! That is why he is called Lucky Phil. At home with mum I listen to Gene Vincents and Eddie Cochrans and Johnny Cash I like his songs from the prison the best and we listen as well to Shakin' Stevens and The Go-Getters and Elvis and Charlie Feathers he is THE DON and The Cordwood Draggers and Paul Ansells the most and we are friends with real pop stars like Cash O'Rileys and Arsen Roulettes and Darrel Highams and Paul Ansells and Slim Slip and The Sliders and The Cordwood Draggers one of them has been here he wears a BIG HAT and we also know the Sugar Creek Trios especially Darren on guitar he is SO FAST! Like Cliff Gallups of the olden days and we have been to see their gigs and even seen Little Richards and that was rubbish! Oh and one of Slim Slip & The Sliders has stayed here we went out for breakfast I didn't eat my eggs I hate eggs oh and also I am IN LOVE WITH RUBY ANN I cuddled her she is from Portugal she sings so pretty I LOVE her and she has two cats! Here she is in her Red Hot Ruby top!

Guess what my grandad has got Gene Vincents autograph because he met him for two days it was the 1960s! My grandad was in the ARMY. He sneaked out to see Eddie Cochrans and Gene Vincents he climbed over a big wall and ran for his life it was so important!

Movies:

I like Free Willy it makes me cry and of course I really love Pirates of the Caribbean because it's mental and I play Jack Sparrow and Daniel plays the other one and we have sword fights and yell stuff like 'Ahoy there!' and 'Abandon ship!' and stuff. Oh yeah plus Jaws it is so frightening it really is!
And I like Ice Age and Ice Age 2 and Garfield The Movie and Shark Tale best of all I have got them on DVD. Also I go to the cinema with mum and have my own popcorn and my own seat but she doesn't pay she sneaks me in I just stay quiet!

Television:


I am allowed to watch '24' and Top Gear with mum it is THE BEST and also the football on Saturday nights and Ready Steady Cook if mum stops working to have a cup of tea and Daniel writes the recipes down he is my brother.
Plus I like watching nature programmes to look for my family if it is about pandas. Plus The Simpsons I am allowed to watch that every single day if I have been good.

Books:


Yeah I tried to read that Da Vinci's Code but I got bored. No not really ha ha. My mum is so clever she wrote a book it is called 'The Spotters Guide To The Male Species' and it is about men and stuff and it is so funny that it is in the bookshops but she is not rich like that woman who wrote Harry Potters. I think Harry Potters is an idiot to be honest.
I did read The Hobbit though and a book about SAS Survival there were useful things in there about tying knots and drinking rain off leaves and stuff.

Heroes:

Jack Bauers out of '24' it is the best thing ever he is so COOL it hurts my head then Jack Sparrows, I'm going to ask him for work experience aboard The Black Pearl when I'm old enough, I will be TRAINED to be a PIRATE!
My real mum and my dad, here is dad clapping along to Gene Vincents, he is listening to 'Blue Jean Bop'! And my new dad because he plays GUITAR with his HANDS and he cooks nice dinners I like BEEF he makes pictures for me and takes me to buy fancy cakes when it is our last morning in FRANCE where he lives but not for long he is going to do something called make an honest WOMAN out of mum I heard someone say that it is a WELL-KNOWN PHRASE I can't wait!
DJ Lucky Phil and DJ Dave Mumbles here they are at the best club in the world it is called The Brighton Rumble Rockabilly Club and it is utterly wicked but it's on really late so I can only go on my birthday or as a treat!
My grandad he teaches me about old footballers like Jimmy Greaves and he gives me some of his roast dinner and he lets me help him in the garden when I stay in the summer and we find WORMS!
Plus yeah my mum for not making me ever go to school she teaches me at home I learned all about spelling and football and cooking and science and vitamins and stuff about animals like did you know sharks DIE if they go to sleep they have to drink Red Bull it makes them stay awake! And pandas do handstands that is true I saw mum and dad do it all the time!
And Uncle Darren out of Slim Slips because he is the BEST bass player EVER and Uncle Mick from The Cordwood Draggers because he works on a RUNWAY at an AIRPORT that is well cool!

My Blog

I can’t sleep and fake babies

This is so annoying mum can't get to sleep AGAIN it is almost every night now it is boring me anyway we are both awake dad is asleep if mum is awake sometimes I wake up with the STRESS I can feel it w...
Posted by Pantouf on Fri, 04 Jan 2008 07:29:00 PST

It is nearly my birthday it really is

Did you know everybody that it is nearly my birthday Auntie Claire and Auntie Cherry have REMEMBERED that is good because it is going to be a strange birthday this week it is on Wednesday because dad ...
Posted by Pantouf on Fri, 31 Aug 2007 10:03:00 PST

I got a new wallet!

So much stuff has gone on I might wet myself a bit because not only was it my adventure to see the sharks and stuff but also mum left me in the car overnight on Wednesday it was really forgetful of he...
Posted by Pantouf on Tue, 30 Jan 2007 10:01:00 PST

Stingrays and stuff

So yesterday I went to the Sealife Centre in Brighton where I live anyway mum took me with one of my Uncles he is a pirate I have got loads of Uncles some are in bands well mostly they are anyway we ...
Posted by Pantouf on Tue, 30 Jan 2007 09:13:00 PST

Christmas is wicked!

Yeah so Christmas is nearly over but I don't care cos I have got a MEMORY in my brain section and it lasts for ages and I can remember stuff that happened whether it is BAD or GOOD I remember only the...
Posted by Pantouf on Wed, 27 Dec 2006 11:52:00 PST