A Common Enemy

Cole's Notes for A New Age Degenerate."When I was in the first grade a boy threw me on the ground and I attracted the attention of the world. I had received my first peer-to-peer beating. My father came and he took me home.The situation was so basic for me when it seemingly wasn’t. I had it that I wasn’t in the wrong. The teachers said that I was the good kid, and good kids don’t get punished. And, yeah, good kids don’t get punished, but pussies do. The first inkling a father from the Third World has of his son possibly being a pussy is more a crime than had I got back up and shanked that fat fuck with a plastic shovel. Had I at least given that corpulent failure a curby, my father would have come to my defense with all the pride of a savage. But I didn’t. And that’s why I was punished. I didn’t act like him at that moment. I acted like a kid who just got his head dropped on rocks.All I remember is him calmly muttering to me, “Next time, you hit him back.”To which I responded “But I didn’t want to get in trouble”. To which he retorted, “I don’t care, next time you hit him back”.Why would anyone despise the person who was clearly in the good? It was my first experience, my worst experience, with the notion that life was far more complicated than I had it set out to be. It’s the moral struggle that I, a student who has read countless books, a man 20 years of age and experience, still finds himself falling into entrapments of depression. The struggle to parse out what is just action, what is good, and what is evil, and do they exist? I’m not sure if it’s just a superimposed memory, but I remember calling out to him in tears and utter confusion and disbelief “But didn’t want to get in trouble! I was being good!”. What I do remember, that isn’t suspect to being superimposed, was his response: “Ahh, shut up.”Shut up. Stiff upper lip. Be a man. Bottle it way, way down. Deep. That’s what men do. Go balls deep. Suck it up you pantywaist.""Few of us can easily surrender our belief that society must somehow make sense. The thought that the state has lost its mind and is punishing so many innocent people is intolerable. And so the evidence has to be internally denied." - Arthur Miller, American playwrite."You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows" - Bob Dylan " Subterranean Homesick Blues"
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