Matt Orphan - ProfilesArchive

About Me

-I'm not a scumbag anymore. I retired at the top of my game.
-If I won the lottery, I'd still buy the cheap whiskey. I'd just buy twice as much.

My Interests

i like stuff

DeepThoughtsByJackHandey.com

my guns (and i'm not talking about my biceps)

I'd like to meet:

-I know way too many people in California, and almost no one in Chicago.
-Colonel Sanders.
-People who spend their time posting comments on myspace and youtube videos, arguing semantics in ghetto slang and broken grammar and calling the poster a "dumbass."

Music:

2 Live Crew, One Life Crew, Motley Crue, Cutting Crew

Movies:

The Stoned Age, Dolemite

Television:

Simpsons, Conan, Fox News Channel

Books:

I read a lot of books. Most of them are about politics. You probably wouldnt like them.

Heroes:

batman...especially downs syndrome batman in ice cream form

these dudes

My Blog

old pictures + new scanner = moderately aged fun

who likes thumbnails? click for larger picture. and thank me later for the huge decrease in loading time....
Posted by Matt Orphan on Tue, 08 Jul 2008 02:10:00 PST

you decide 08!....cuz i want nothing to do with it

can we get this clusterfuck of an election over with already? i hate to spoil it for everyone, but here's how it's all gonna turn out. one of these three clowns is gonna get into office, t...
Posted by Matt Orphan on Thu, 24 Apr 2008 05:53:00 PST

perhaps we’ll never know

what is it about crip walking to "murder was the case" with a 9mm in each hand that makes houseguests nervous?
Posted by Matt Orphan on Sat, 22 Mar 2008 11:00:00 PST

whatever happened to saving the princess?

i just finished playing the game "bioshock." awesome game. but here’s the problem. so many of these video games now judge you at the end of the game according to everything you did t...
Posted by Matt Orphan on Sat, 15 Mar 2008 08:08:00 PST

William F. Buckley, Jr.

1925-2008 "The purpose of an open mind is to close it, on particular subjects. If you never do you've simply abdicated the responsibility to think."
Posted by Matt Orphan on Wed, 27 Feb 2008 02:42:00 PST

my "remember when" campaign

i had a realization yesterday that there are a lot of people on my friends list who i really like, but i haven't spoken to in years. when you haven't hung out with someone in 6-10 years, you ten...
Posted by Matt Orphan on Wed, 06 Feb 2008 10:29:00 PST

curse you, ice

this is why i don't put ice in my drinks. i finally decide to give ice a chance and i immediately crack one of the ice cube trays, so now it drips water on the floor when you fill it up. ice has...
Posted by Matt Orphan on Sun, 20 Jan 2008 08:06:00 PST

none of your friends are online

that means it's way too early to be at work. it's just you and me, dunkin donuts.
Posted by Matt Orphan on Wed, 26 Dec 2007 05:16:00 PST

reasonable facsimile

i had a fax waiting for me at work this morning. apparently it came after i left work yesterday, so the president of the company got it and put it on my desk. oops. ...
Posted by Matt Orphan on Wed, 05 Sep 2007 10:19:00 PST

you know how i know i’m getting old?

cuz when i used to drink heavily, i'd get past the yellow pee trips to the bathroom and then have several clear pee trips. now i have the yellow pees and i'm done. i'm weak. washed up.&nbs...
Posted by Matt Orphan on Mon, 03 Sep 2007 08:34:00 PST