I am like the wolf at your door...the wolf you fear because every time you come home, I get inappropriately excited and pee on your shoes. I am the chainsaw in your mashed potatoes. I am darkness, but with a creamy white center. Prone to fly into a murderous rage...but a gentle rage, filled with kindness and maybe even a nice little thoughtful gift. Nothing too expensive, but something that really says that you've been on my mind. I am like canned aerosol cheese under too much pressure that goes off and gets in your eye, but then you laugh, because hey--I just got cheese in my eye! When does that ever happen?? I am like a contradiction wrapped in something that is exactly the opposite of a contradition...which is then dipped in something mysterious and spooky. I am list of tacky metaphors. I am like the Underoos in the back of your drawer that you totally forgot about, but when you wear them to work under your business casuals, you just can't help but feel a little more like Spiderman.
Plus, I totally like video games.
