Music:
Email Jokes
Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two1. I love you not because of who you are ........ but because of who I
am when I am with you.
2. No man or woman is worth your tears ..... and the one who is
......... won't make you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to
......... doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them
........ knowing you can't have them
6. Never frown, even when you are sad .......... because you never
know who is falling in love with your smile.
7. To the world you may be one person ........... but to one person
you may be the world.
8. Don't waste your time on a man or woman ....... who isn't willing
to waste their time on you..
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the
right one ........ so when we finally meet the right person .......
we will know how to be grateful..
10. Don't cry because it is over ......... smile because it happened.
11. There are always going to be people that hurt you ....... so what
you have to do is keep on trusting ........ and just be more careful
about who you trust next time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are .........
before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
13. Don't try so hard ......... the best things come when you least
expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
True friends: How many people actually have 8 true friends?
Hardly anyone I know ! But some of us have all right friends and good
friends!!!
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item fro m a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids."That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking."Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework."Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.PLEASE NOTE:To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Why Men Have Better FriendsFriendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her
husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man
called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his
wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her
husband's 10 best friends, eight of which confirmed that he had
slept over, and two said that he was still there.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or hump it.
Piss on it and walk away.
Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.Number 8
Men have two emotions:
Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day,
teach a person to use the internet
and they won't bother you for weeks.Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ...
Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile
when you shove them down the stairs.Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals dying of nothing.Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to Criticism.Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00
and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.And The Number 1 Thought For 2008 :
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration?" Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers… What you do today, might Burn Your Ass Tomorrow"
Blonde's Year in ReviewJanuary
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!March
Got really excited ..... Finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months ....
box said "2-4 years!"April
Trapped on escalator for hours .... Power went out!!!May
Tried to make Kool-Aid ..... Wrong instructions ... 8 cups of
water won't fit into those little packets!!!June
Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition ... Learned later, the
other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm ... Car swamped becau se
soft-top was open.September
The capital of California is "C"..... Isn't it???October
Hate M & M's ..... They are so hard to peel.November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days . Instructions said 1 hour
per pound and I weigh 108!!December
Couldn't call 911 "duh"..... there's no "eleven" button on the
stupid phone!!!
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FARA man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive
blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the
mailbox.She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail
box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into
the house she went.As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out
again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it
closed harder than ever.Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"To which she replied, "There certainly is!"(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?
"Heavens no, we bought it."
"Then why don't you drive it away."
We can't drive."
Then why did you buy it?"
"We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed ...so we're just waiting.
Want to live my next life backwards...
You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension and then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm!
SHOULD WOMEN AVOID A GIRLS NIGHT OUT AFTER THEY ARE MARRIED?
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!"Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down WAY too easy. Around 3 in the morning and a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed)....3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = midnight.The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in and I told him "midnight!" He didn't seem mad at all. Got away with that one!Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh crap", Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
Wednesday, 1 August, 2007
Leo (23 Jul - 22 Aug)Shadows are currently obscuring your normally clear view of the horizon, but there's no need to try to clear the air. The boundless blue sky and crisp horizon are still there, just hidden behind the clouds. They don't go away just because you cannot see them. The simple act of reminding yourself of this can help you feel better about your frustrations today.
Television:
Your Name Is Damn Sexy! :)
Your name scored 151 in the "How Sexy Is Your Name Test"
How Sexy Is Your Name?
You scored as You are a Vampiric Elf!, Congratulations my friend! You are a Vampyric Elf. Your kind are few and far between! Your hobbies include drinking the blood of innocent victims or just draining it and mixing it with herbs and spices. You were once one of the noblest of white magic creatures but you turned against those who you loved, most likely because of lost love, and turn yourself into their greatest fear to punish them all!
You are a Vampiric Elf!
67%
Vampire
58%
Fallen Angel
50%
You are a Demon
17%
Black Witch
0%
What creature of the night are you you most like? (Pics!!)
created with QuizFarm.com
You scored as
Angel, Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don't fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today's society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel.
Angel
67%
Faerie
59%
Dragon
50%
Mermaid
50%
WereWolf
25%
Demon
25%
What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
created with QuizFarm.com
Big Five Test Results
Extroversion (42%) moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and private.
Accommodation (70%) high which suggests you are overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense too often of your own individual development (martyr complex).
Orderliness (50%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, structured, and self controlled while still remaining flexible, varied, and fun.
Emotional Stability (72%) high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Inquisitiveness (54%) medium which suggests you are moderately intellectual, curious, and imaginative.
Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
You are 73% Leo
How Leo Are You?
Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC
"Back in black, I hit the sack,
I've been too long, I'm glad to be back"
Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos.
But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!
What's Your Theme Song?
Your Personality Is Like Acid
A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict.
One moment you're in your own little happy universe...
And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!
What Drug Is Your Personality Like?
Your Pirate Name Is...
Lieutenant-Colonel Master of Horror
What's Your Pirate Name?
Your Rapper Name Is...
Almighty Bonecrusher
What's Your Rapper Name?
You Are the Super Ego
While some people may think first and act later... you often don't act at all.
You rather be safe than sorry, and you take ethics pretty seriously.
Like everyone, you have some pretty crazy desires. But unlike everyone, you restrain yourself.
You have high standards for your own behavior. And you happily exceed them.
Are You Id, Ego, or Superego?
You Are From the Sun
Of all your friends, you're the shining star.
You're dramatic - loving attention and the spotlight.
You're a totally entertainer and the life of the party.
Watch out! The Sun can be stubborn, demanding, and flirty.
Overall, you're a great leader and great friend. The very best!
What Planet Are You From?
Your Vampire Name Is...
Hannibal of the Underworld
What's Your Vampire Name?
You Are Super Spicy
You're a little bit crazy, a little bit naughty, and a whole lot of sexy.
You go beyond hot - you set people's senses on fire!
Are You Hot?
Your Mind is NC-17 Rated
You're mind is so filthy... you should should be washing every part of you out with soap.
If your thoughts can go dirty, they do. Almost everything is NC-17 to you!
Do You Have a Dirty Mind?
You Are 84% Tortured Genius
You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood.
Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.
Are You a Tortured Genius?
You May Be a Bit Schizotypal...
A bit odd and socially isolated.
You couldn't care less of what others think.
And some of your beliefs are a little weird.
Like that time you thought you were Jesus.
What Personality Disorder Are You?
You Are 47% Vain
You're a little vain, but more than anything you have a healthy amount of confidence.
Thinking the world of yourself is great. Just don't think less of those who aren't as pretty as you!
How Vain Are You?
Your Daddy Is Patrick Stewart
What You Call Him: Daddy-o
Why You Love Him: He's the Mack Daddy
Who's Your Daddy?
You Are a Chocolate Cake
Fun, comforting, and friendly.
You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality.
People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you.
What Kind of Cake Are You?
You Are 54% Evil
You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.
How Evil Are You?
