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My name is Darla-Pants Poopybutt Wolf, and I live with my Mommy and Daddy in our apartment by the bar with all the drunk people. They like to scare me and stop to pet me. And I like to scratch their crotches and jump on them. I hate three things: Plastic bags, bikes, and black people(baby-eaters excluded), but mommy and daddy try to fix that last one. I spend my days on my pillow, playing with my toys, and talking to Mommy and Daddy when I'm not in lock down for pooping in the house. When THAT happens I spend most of my time in a three by four cage. There's no place like home.
I'm on a mission to rid the world of chew toys and stuffed animals...fuckin' bunny.
Also, one day, I'm going to kill everyone with the exception of my Daddy, Uncle Wayne, and Auntie Brandon. That Dan guy will be the first to go. He's fucking creepy. He wants to be my "special" friend on here, but Mommy and Daddy won't let me talk to him. They say he's "bad people", whatever that means.
My goal is to get a ton of friends on here and become the ultimate puppy MySpace whore. So whore me out to your friends, family, children, and local anteaters. This is the base of operations for my global takeover. If you deny me, when the end is near, I WILL smite you. Or smear you in poop. Whichever is more convenient at the time.
