Heironymous - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I am an alchemist, though I'm recently unemployed. See, I've been having trouble competing with this new thing called science. I've been living in a hollowed out tree since I can remember. The gods (esp. Hermes Trismegestus) have been sending me visions via directv satellite, so my bill's pretty outrageous as you can imagine. It's well worth it, there's always something good on.
P Plain
F Fancy
E Enchanting
I Important
F Fantastic
S Secretive
T Tough
E Exhausting
R Responsible
I Inspirational
A Appealing
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You scored as Zoroastrian Pagan, The Zoroastrian Pagan is a rare breed who follows the teachings of Zoroaster, the religious reformer. He believed that there were no gods, and it was naive to put faith in them and give them names. What one should focus on is merely serving one side of the cosmic duality; work on good or light deeds, and the world would become more good or light. Pagans of this variety are rare, but often feel like they get more done without the hassle and clutter of pantheons and gods. They're smart, analytical, and occationally cynical.

Zoroastrian Pagan

60%

Ecclectic Pagan

45%

Eastern Pagan

40%

Kabbalistic Pagan

20%

Shamanic Pagan

10%

Roman Pantheonic Pagan

10%

Norse Pantheonic Pagan (Asatru)

Greek Pantheonic Pagan

Catholic (Pagan?)

Celtic Pantheonic Pagan

Egyptian Pantheonic Pagan

Sumerian, Babylonian, and Mesopotamian Pagans

0%
What kind of Pagan are you?
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My Interests

Drinking potions and accumulating hit points. Drinking elixirs and accumulating magic points is for sissies, alchemists don't need magic points.

I'd like to meet:

David Blaine, he can be the first celebrity case of pfeifsteria.

Music:

Any kind that doesn't cause seizures, i.e. no lutes. No, wait, give me 600 bps and strap a subwoofer to my ass, I could use some help my am bm's.

Movies:

All of mine are great. I'm a pretty great actor, people tell me so all the time.

Television:

I should be on television. My own show on TLC, I'll call it Alchemical house calls, I'll go to your house and cook up a philosopher's stone. Oh, and sometimes I tivo Quantum Leap.

Books:

Eh, necronomicon and principia mathematica, duh.

Heroes:

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My Blog

The secret of happiness, or get off your high horse, you son of a bitch

Numerous studies have shown that happy people enjoy certain advantages over malcontents. Fuck you, happy people.Aries: Fill your house with useless bullshit and tell everyone how much it's worth and h...
Posted by Heironymous on Tue, 29 Apr 2008 05:49:00 PST

Some new horoscopes goddammit

Aries: When a giant robot smashes your car for the fifth time, it will become obvious that you should not have switched to esurance.Taurus: You were right to grow that beard, you've been an old man al...
Posted by Heironymous on Wed, 23 Jan 2008 09:04:00 PST

horoscopes

Aries: Your talent for making every social interaction awkward will not come in handy when you actually have a social interaction this week.Taurus: Your cat has become overly jealous of your opposabl...
Posted by Heironymous on Fri, 13 Jul 2007 12:00:00 PST

Horoscopes 4/26

Pisces: Your love life will become ambiguously convoluted with ubiquitous voluptuosity.Virgo: Don't get too high on yourself, no one said it was going to be difficult raising g-rated kids at a commune...
Posted by Heironymous on Fri, 27 Apr 2007 12:09:00 PST

Horoscopes 4/12

Gemini: Either you, or you're blind date sucks, the signs aren't very clear. Be assured, one of you really fucking sucks. Aries: Dammit, do I have to spell it out for you, it's pf, not ph, you P...
Posted by Heironymous on Fri, 13 Apr 2007 09:18:00 PST

Horoscopes 12/20

Gemini: You were number one in your class, it's something you should be proud of. That is, until you realized you were home schooled and you hit your brother in the head with a brick because he was a ...
Posted by Heironymous on Wed, 20 Dec 2006 09:47:00 PST

Horoscopes 12/12-as long as you'd like

Gemini: A capricorn will try to sleep with you.Aries: Saying "I was just being facetious." is just another way of saying "I have no sense of humor, but I've got a good vocabulary so I'm still better t...
Posted by Heironymous on Wed, 13 Dec 2006 10:35:00 PST

More Horoscopes

Scorpio: No, sorry it wasn't a blessing in disguise, it is in fact still a baby. Taurus: Get over it, you'll never find out why your neighbor keeps pooping on your lawn. Virgo: Holy shit! Your gonna ...
Posted by Heironymous on Sun, 03 Dec 2006 07:27:00 PST

Horoscopes

Gemini: The good thing about going grey is that no one will notice your dandruff. Ares: When you look back over the years you may notice a fat kid always sitting in the corner while everyone el...
Posted by Heironymous on Fri, 01 Dec 2006 09:15:00 PST

Aries

That really obnoxious guy you'll run into this Friday gets laid a lot more than you'd like. I mean A LOT more....crazy.
Posted by Heironymous on Thu, 16 Nov 2006 09:10:00 PST