Whiskey Rick - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm a nerd.
I enjoy whiskey, gunplay, and writing poems about gassy unicorns.
For mentioned writing and other art: GutterBaal on the ArtConspiracy .
Also: check out my blurbs at SeriouslyGuys .
SeriouslyGuys is four men giving you all the news recaps you need daily to make work bearable. SeriouslyGuys : made by men, just like everything else in history books.
Here's what to expect--writing-wise--here and everywhere else:
the Provacateur
(66% dark, 30% spontaneous, 47% vulgar)
your humor style:
VULGAR | COMPLEX | DARK
You'll crack on anything, and you're often witty, even caustic, about it.
Therefore, your sense of humor is polarizing. You're transgressive, and you've got a seriously sharp 'edge'--maybe too much for some folks. If they get you, people think you're one of the funniest (and smartest) people in the world. If they don't, they think you're an ass. Whatever, right? While some might question your judgement, your comic intellect is unquestionably respected.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Chris Rock - Lenny Bruce - George Carlin
The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -
If you're interested, try my latest: The Terrorism Test
My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 86% on darkness
You scored higher than 12% on spontaneity
You scored higher than 69% on vulgarity
Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid , home of the 32-Type Dating Test

My Interests

http://www.artconspiracy.com/artists/GutterBaal.htm

Copy and paste; the linking doesn't like to work here.

I'd like to meet:

Alice Cooper.

Oh, wait ... Did you mean sexually?

In that case, I'd like to point out that I cannot (repeat: cannot) reach orgasm unless I see a puppy die. So that should give you a clue as to whom I'd like to meet.

So, yeah. Woman with puppies to spare.

Music:

Alice Cooper, Van Halen, Dropkick Murphies, Floggin' Molly, Tiger Army, Me First and the Gimme-Gimmes, Pantera, Iron Maiden, Glenn Miller, Benny Goodman, Duke Ellington, and many more from those and similar genres.

Movies:

The Indiana Jones Trilogy, Casablanca, Star Wars (Episodes IV-VI), Boondock Saints, Fight Club, Sin City, Ghostbusters, Three Amigos!, Clerks, Fletch

Television:

The History Channel, AMC, South Park

Books:

Dune, The Three Musketeers, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, It, Steel My Soldiers' Hearts

Heroes:

Benjamin Franklin, Oscar Wilde, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, Colonel David Hackworth, General George S. Patton, Jr., Gunny R. Lee Ermey, Indiana Jones (Imaginary), Frank Sinatra, Humphrey Bogart.

Yeah, mostly dead guys.

My Blog

Update to the Spam King

Hey, Myspace. How about a spam filter here?Every day, I get at least four random friends requests and two messages from assholes hawking cell phones and web cams. There's a pretty good cha...
Posted by Whiskey Rick on Sun, 03 Jun 2007 09:04:00 PST

The Spam King is dead! (Long live the Spam King ... )

Holy crap! They caught the Spam King! Oh praise little baby Jesus!Are the media and government serious? It's one thing to arrest some asshole that's been sending out spam for years, ...
Posted by Whiskey Rick on Sun, 03 Jun 2007 06:30:00 PST

Spank Kata

When Maddox published his ground-breaking essay, Beat Your Kids, he was hailed as a modern Dr. Spock But there is a critical flaw to the spanking lobbyists: they are typically childless adults who are...
Posted by Whiskey Rick on Fri, 05 Jan 2007 12:26:00 PST

New Year's Bonus: Dropping the ball

So yesterday's entry was kind of lame. Then I found out about Saddam Hussein's hanging.What are the Iraqi people thinking? Do they realize how much they've fucked up?marriedtothesea.comThe...
Posted by Whiskey Rick on Sat, 30 Dec 2006 08:49:00 PST

It's pronounced "BLAAAUUGH!"

I've mildly convinced myself that Whiskey and Cheap Shots is not a blog, not really. It's no diary. Hell, it's not even what it started out to be: a recount of how I've been a drunken assh...
Posted by Whiskey Rick on Fri, 29 Dec 2006 08:55:00 PST

Updates for August through November

Dearest Diary:It has been so long since I've posted on your nonexistant pages. However, I don't feel bad because you're not really a diary or a journal. You see, a diary is a private account of one'...
Posted by Whiskey Rick on Fri, 22 Dec 2006 03:06:00 PST

Who are we kidding?

I love the military. I grew up in it. I watched friends join when they needed somewhere to start their lives. It was a chance to leave home after high school when college wasn't an i...
Posted by Whiskey Rick on Thu, 02 Nov 2006 09:09:00 PST

One quarter of a century

I've heard this phrase a lot the past week or so. It's meant to make me feel old as I turn 25, just like black banners at any round-numbered birthday after 29. A couple of my peers have al...
Posted by Whiskey Rick on Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:48:00 PST

A week of "I told you so"

If there's one thing I've learned this week, it's that when you lie, sometimes you'll luck out and be 10 percent right.Yes, 500 canisters of sarin and mustard gas from at least 1988 were found near th...
Posted by Whiskey Rick on Sun, 25 Jun 2006 04:04:00 PST

A return to our founding values

I realized it had been a while since I'd written a satirical piece. Unfortunately, we don't see enough truly satirical writing anymore; it usually mislabels my usual entries or anyone else using...
Posted by Whiskey Rick on Mon, 05 Jun 2006 08:24:00 PST