I invented Bacon Bits and Salt Shakers!
Im not just good, Im SEXCELLENT
I don't have to fight to prove I'm right, I don't need to be forgiven
So a little about me:
As some of you may have already guessed, I invented those little delicious morsels of fine dining known as Bacon Bits, but theres more. Thats right, I didnt just stop at pieces of bacon used for seasoning.. no sir!
After my ground breaking in the food industry I moved on to some more.. well lets call them lofty endeavors..
Such as some of my novels:
Pecker Slapping Your Enemies - A How To Guide
Fluffy Bunnies, Kittens and Puppies, recipes for all occasions
Girls Cry A Lot - And 6 Other Very Important Facts About Women
Brett Davison's Guide To Creative Watercolors
Cuddling With Ninjas - My Time Spent With The Masters of Ninjitsu
1001 Ways How To Not Get Stung By Bees
Monkey Fights - A Watchers Guide
Your Mom and Dad Used to Fuck - A Childrens Book About Birth
Four People Who Exemplify Why You Should Never Drink 86 Mountain Dews At Once
Cock In The Face - How To Handle Practical Jokes From Your New Frat Brothers
That Time That Dude Said That Thing To Me When We Are That Place
Things Over Heard In A Mens Restroom in Bangkok
Colloquialisms of Ancient Aztec Prostitutes
After I made my money off of my lustrious book career I moved on to some other things you might have heard of:
Brett Davison's School For Underpriviledged Retards
The Brett Davison School of Midget Studies
The Davison Institute of Decorative Wallpaper Application
The Official Fan Club of People Who Watch DVD Movies on Friday Nights
The Brett Davison Rehab Clinic For People Who Drink Copious Amounts of Gatorade
The Brett Davison Center for People Who Have Traumatized by Charles Bronson Movies
The Brett Davison Center for People Who Really Have Been Shot by Clint Eastwood
Brett Davison's A-Team (Not to be confused with the real A-Team, but we do have a black van and a guy who looks and sounds a lot like Mr. T)
You would think that after all of that I would be tired.. but no way not me. Ive got too much energy.. so I moved on to:
Teaching the indigenous peoples of Mozambique how to dance the Lambada while wearing loin clothes
Bringing the technology of Hot Pockets the jungle tribes of Peru
Takings a "Hands On" approach to the camera angles and lighting in pornographic movies
Teaching mediocre sports teams how to properly douse their coach in Gatorade in the event they ever win a game - Go Duke
Demonstrating the proper technique used in dunking an Oreo in milk to kids who live in Idaho
Volunteering at the Saint Catherines' Home For People Burned by Holy Water
Vice President of the Coalition to ban Bob Burnquist from life
Community Service Chair of the International Consortium of people against the environment
The Association of the movement for Chuck Norris to gain supreme rule over the lands of Latvia, the Chzech Republic, Guam, and Dover Colorado.
President and founder of A.A.P.W.W.T.S.S.A.JVD.F.D.W.U.B.R.PPV.T ( American Association of People Who Want To See Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Vandamn Fight to the Death Using Bamboo Rods on Pay Per View Television)