In February 1967 Elvis Presley bought a 163-acre ranch in Mississippi. To celebrate he threw a huge party. With a cocktail of drugs and drink flowing through his bloodstream he became disorientated and staggered off, away from the guests and into an unknown area of the ranch. Whilst leaning against a tree stump to regain his balance he noticed a deep hole through which he started to climb down, and down, deeper underground. He was astonished to find that this underground cove was home to a beautiful young woman named Lisa Marie who claimed that she had lived under that tree for nearly 200 years and had maintained her youthfulness by staying high on a precious codial made up of a cocktail of drugs, drink, and berries grown on the ranch. Elvis was intrigued and, questioning his own mortality demanded, (in a slightly slurred manner) to taste of this precious cordial. She refused and, to waste time and to have a meaning to this story they made love.
Elvis got married later that year to Priscilla and, nine months to the day of their marriage Priscilla had a baby girl. Elvis named the girl Lisa Marie Presley in honour and in hope of finding favour with the woman who lived under the tree. Who knows, maybe she would look upon Elvis and grant this eternal youth juice to him?
This hope never came however and, to make matters worse twenty-eight days and thirteen-thirds of the third month after Lisa Marie was born Elvis awoke to a knock on the door of his favourite afternoon-napping shed only to find there, just outside the door by the cow dung the most horrible thing he had ever set eyes upon. Such was the shock and sheer ugliness of this child he knew it must have been formed or rather deformed in the womb of a woman continuously high on a cocktail of drugs, drink and berries and fathered by a world famous recording artist (who was perhaps not the best actor in the world but nevertheless made up for it with good looks and a voice that made women go weak) also high on a cocktail of drugs and drink.
The result of this experience was that the child was sent to a place far, far away called Stoke-on-Trent, England to live in a hole underneath a tree for the rest of its life. And the effect upon Elvis? well it was this event that it planted the seeds of self destruction that would ultimately lead to an overuse of everything he could overuse in order to find happiness again. Something that would elude him until his death nine years later. R.I.P Elvis.
Meanwhile the creature of his destruction grew a fine pair of breasts and strutted the boxing rings up and down the Midlands until someone pointed out that they were not breasts but just puffy nipples. The embarrassement made the mutant go back down, deep underground where to its suprise it realised it was a man and, although lacking the many talents of his father he could swivel his hips and act badly. He named himself Kenny Robot and the rest is [made up] history [too]
