MASSHOLE

Dude I'm wicked pissah and love ta fuckin' pahty wicked hahd. Everybody knows about pahking cahs in Hahvuhd Yahd, but there's more to the accent than that. In Boston English, "ah" (the one without an R after it) often becomes something closer to "aw", so that, for example, "tonic" (see below), comes out more like "tawnic" (former Mayor Kevin White would often express outrage by exclaiming "Motha a'Gawd!"). And it's not just after the A's that the R's go away. They disappear after other vowels as well, particularly "ee" sounds, so that one could properly argue that "Reveah is wicked wee-id" (translation: "Revere is unusual"). But don't worry about poor lost New England R's. In typical Yankee fashion, we re- use 'em -- by sticking them on the ends of certain other words ending with "uh" sounds: "Ah final ahs just disappeah, but wheah they go we've no idear." The quickest way to convince a native that you're just a tourist is to refered to "the Public Gardens" (even if you pronounce it "Public Gahdens") or "the Boston Commons." Both are singular (ie., "Public Garden" and "Boston Common"). Other tips: Tremont is pronounced "Treh-mont" and it's COPley, not COPEly, Square (or Squayuh). I call a liquor store a packie, a water fountain a bubbla, a milkshake a frappe.The pronunciation of many other Massachusetts locations bears little resemblance to their spelling. One final thought: NO YOU AH!!!!!!!!For you Boston Massholes, I'ma break it down for ya: Welcome to Bawston (Beantown)Information on Boston and the surrounding area: There's no school on School Street, no court on Court Street,no dock on Dock Square, no water on Water Street. Back Bay streets are in alphabetical "oddah":Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth, etc. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D, etc. If the streets are named after trees (e.g. Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar),you're on Beacon Hill. If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley. Massachusetts Ave is Mass Ave; Commonwealth Ave is Comm Ave; South Boston is Southie.? The South End is the South End. East Boston is Eastie. The North End is east of the former West End. The West End and Scollay Square are no more; a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night. Roxbury is The Burry, Jamaica Plain is J.P. Definitions: Frappes have ice cream, milkshakes don't. If it is fizzy and flavored, it's tonic. Soda is CLUB SODA. "Pop" is Dad. When we want Tonic WATER, we will ask for Tonic WATER. The smallest beer is a pint. Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish. If you paid more than $6/pound, you got scrod. It's not a water fountain; it's a bubblah. It's not a trashcan; it's a barrel. It's not a spucky it's a sub. It's not a shopping cart; it's a carriage. It's not a purse; it's a pockabook. They're not franks; they're haht dahgs. Franks are money in France. Police don't drive patrol units or black and whites they drive a "crooza". If you take the bus, your on the "looza crooza". It's not a rubber band, it's an elastic. It's not a traffic circle, it's a rotary. "Going to the islands" means Martha's Vineyard & Nantucket. If something's good, it's "pissa". If something's really good, it's "wicked pissa". The Pat's = The Patriots The Sox = The Red Sox The C's = The Celtics The B's = The Bruins Things not to do: Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd ... they'll tow it to Meffa (Medford) or Slumaville (Somerville). Don't sleep in the Common. (Boston Common) Don't wear Orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day. Things you should know: There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, two Hancock buildings (one old, one new for each). The colored lights on top the old Hancock tell the weatha': "Solid blue, clear view...." "Flashing blue, clouds due...." "Solid red, rain ahead...." "Flashing red, snow instead...." - (except in summer; flashing red means the Red Sox game was rained out) Route 128 is also I-95 south.? It's also I-93 north. The underground train is not a subway. It's the "T", and it doesn't run all night (fah chrysakes, this ain't Noo Yawk). Order the "cold tea" in China Town after 2:00 am you'll get a kettle full of beer. Bostonians... think that it's their God-given right to cut off someone in traffic. Bostonians...think that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R's). Bostonians...think that three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave. Bostonians...refer to six inches of snow as a "dusting." Bostonians...always "bang a left" as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it. Bostonians...say everything in town is "a five-minute walk." (pronounced "wok") Bostonians...believe that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness. Bostonians...think that 63-degree ocean water is warm. Bostonians...think Rhode Island accents are annoying. How to say these Massachusetts city names correctly: Worcester: Wuhsta (or Wistah) Gloucester : Glawsta Leicester: Lesta Woburn: Wooban Dedham : Dedim (like denim) Revere: Re-vee-ah Quincy: Quinzee Peabody: Peabuddy Waltham : Walth-ham Chatham: Chattum