The United States of JazzHands

About Me

Hello. I have three names. Rufio is not one of them.
I play drums for The Huntress.
When at home, I only drink water from mason jars.
True story: I know of an autistic child that went on a field trip to the zoo once. He disappeared from the group and when the teacher finally found him (soaking wet), he had a penguin in his bookbag.
I have retired my heart for an artery attached Walkman with a
Yo La Tengo tape inside.
I am governed by Murphy's Law.
I prefer plants indigenous to the Northeast; I feel Southwestern foliage tends to be harsh on the skin.
Opinion: People that wear cowboy hats will get into heaven.
The word "imbecile" makes me giggle.
To stay warm during the winter, I keep myself insulated with layers of cholesterol.
My thoughts on the octopus as a creature: Not a fan.
Opinion: Good hip hop does not require a kevlar vest.
Mimes upset me. A mime is the filthy cousin of a clown.
Opinion: Japanese is the "coolest" sounding language.
I feel that when Noah marched the kingdom of animals onto his ark, he should have left the snakes. I HATE snakes.
Coconut custard is absolutely my favorite kind of pie.
It pains me to see children struggle with long division.
I feel that Ninja's and Anthony Hopkins will one day inherit the earth.

My Interests

Amber Faye
The Huntress
Japan
teleportation
soft serve ice cream
Jedi's
Fender Telecasters
percussion
rabbits
technocracies
myxomatosis
eyebrows
ninjitsu
Buckhunter II
tattoos
jovial expletive's
southern hospitality
Will Ferrell
metaphors
robots
cowboys
"robot cowboys"
giving and receiving high fives
tinnitus
John Deere tractors
pumpkin ale
mastodons
cross sections of structures
Bill Cosby
people in soccer uniforms
airport terminals
children with E.S.P.
Scarlett Johansson
the use of ampersands
continental drifting
Legos
North Carolina
kabuki masks
bi-polar awareness
BATMAN
dance beats over 155 rpm
Brooklyn Kickball
quadrilaterals
truck stops
Coney Island
google.com
The Muppets
Captain Jack Sparrow
Halloween
fedoras
Charlie Brown Specials

I'd like to meet:

x-Denali singer Maura Davis

Music:

*SUPPORT LOCAL MUSIC*

.hopesfall.

...jazz
...country
...anything Motown
...Euro-dance
...90's alternative radio rock
...80's electronica
...hardcore
...beat down hardcore
..."death by shredding" metal
...bands that use sequencial math to write songs
...hip hop you can breakdance to
...or anything with sonic guitars + a solid dance beat.

The music of
Hall & Oates

Movies:

No Country for Old Men
Indiana Jones
Gladiator
Rescue Dawn
The Color Purple
Amelie
Stranger Than Fiction
Batman Begins
Forrest Gump
The Waitress
Alice In Wonderland
...films featuring Ed Norton
or Christian Bale

Television:

The Cosby Show

The Bernie Mac Show

Sessions @ West 54th!
Hosted by David Byrne of the Talking Heads.

Books:

If Billy Shakespeare wrote it, I'm in.

Heroes:

Little children...
...when they stand up to large animals.

Pops

Famous fatherly quote:

"Son, they talked about Jesus too didn't they? Well, you ain't Jesus."

My Blog

Please read. This is for a GREAT cause.

This is posted for a fine gentleman with a cause. I encourage you all to read more and research his page for yourselves. But this an absolute wonderful thing that he is doing and everyone should get i...
Posted by The United States of JazzHands on Sun, 18 Nov 2007 12:58:00 PST

Holy sweet palate of Dom DeLuise...

Dumbo has lost what sense the Good Lord has given him. This was a very sad and tragic event. But the story is B-A-N-A-N-A-S! My quickie synopsis: A group of elephants got hungry...stormed ...
Posted by The United States of JazzHands on Mon, 29 Oct 2007 10:48:00 PST

MAYDAY! Soap scum is invading your Williamsburg loft!

Great. It's bad enough I had already had slight ocd and was "somewhat" of a germaphobe... but this... this just kills me. I told you I wasn't crazy. See you people in the bubble!...
Posted by The United States of JazzHands on Wed, 24 Oct 2007 03:09:00 PST

Strike Force Wisconsin... where is my rescue?

So yesterday I was at a bar and it hit me that I'm getting old...(I'll wait until the laughter stops.)Anyway, I was bar hopping in the lower east with some good company. Stopping at different places t...
Posted by The United States of JazzHands on Sat, 20 Oct 2007 09:14:00 PST

Lady Foxtrot! Toot your horn a little louder... they cant hear you in Monaco.

I am truly in awe. Today, I learned that I was once governed by a selfish hack with two faces. How can such a warm embracing smile mask such heinous intentions?Damn, I was fooled again. You wi...
Posted by The United States of JazzHands on Fri, 19 Oct 2007 11:59:00 PST

3 drinks a day raises breast cancer risk???

An apple a day.... Taken from: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21009784/ 3 drinks a day raises breast cancer risk All types of alcohol linked to increase in disease, researchers find. Updated: 9:...
Posted by The United States of JazzHands on Thu, 27 Sep 2007 10:56:00 PST

"Lies" -a- Minnelli

I have been lied to today. Not only have I been lied to, but I have been lied to by a woman wearing more make-up than a cast member of Barnum & Bailey's Circus. "Metro sexual? No, I think t...
Posted by The United States of JazzHands on Fri, 07 Sep 2007 02:43:00 PST

What can be said of the humanity between men?

Wednesday afternoon. August 15th, 2007. Location: 16th and 1st. I am standing in the emergency waiting room of Beth Israel Hospital.I'm holding two broken crutches, one for each hand. Apparently, th...
Posted by The United States of JazzHands on Fri, 17 Aug 2007 12:11:00 PST

Rocking the bells is great. Rocking to the bells... Love.

Another bad joke you'll thank me for when you're 63. This is the last one I'll post... promise... sorta. ------------------------------------------------------------ ---- Sunday Mornin Rendezvous "I w...
Posted by The United States of JazzHands on Fri, 03 Aug 2007 10:41:00 PST

Stupid Joke 476

Kevin, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 o'clock news was on and the news crew was covering a sto...
Posted by The United States of JazzHands on Wed, 01 Aug 2007 09:50:00 PST