Joe Parker, Esquire - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Hey my name is Joe Parker, and if I had my way, I'd never work. I'd just stay at home, watch Scarface 50 times, eat a turkey sandwich, and have sex all f***ing day. Then I'd dress up like a clown and surprise little kids at schools. Then I'd take a dump in the back of a movie theatre, and just wait until somebody sat in it, hear it squish. That's funny to me. Then I'd paint, read, & play violin. I'd climb the mountains, and sing the songs that I like to sing, but I ain't got that kind of time. Anyways, I just graduated from Baylor College of Dentistry and will be working in peoples' mouths for the rest of my life. It's not so bad. I could be a proctologist (ass doctor). I am married to a dentist as well, so my world is pretty small. My interests include, but are not limited to: Dallas Mavericks, cars, basketball, baseball, guitar, music, movies, boobs, Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, among other things. My addiction right now is clothes. My wife has to keep me in check or I'd buy clothes everyday. Jeans mostly, but I've gained an interest in ties lately because apparently adults wear ties alot. Holla at me if you have any questions or concerns about your oral health. And don't ever think I'm a dental hygienist, or you'll get a swift kick in the balls or vulva.
YYYEAAAAAAAHHHH!!! WHAAAATTTTT!!! OKKKKAAAAYYY!!!!! (with my dental skillz I made myself dis hurr grill....watch out Paul Wall).. width="425" height="350" ..
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My Interests

teeth, Dallas Mavericks, Posado's, Whataburger, basketball, baseball, 80s movies, Keira Knightly, college football, NATURE!!!, Corvettes, Bob Saget, aluminum foil, colby jack cheese, astronomy, poetry, beer, drawing, legos, polishing gold, snipe hunting, causing palatal petechaie, reading books from the Oprah book club

Stuff for your blog!

Get scroller sign @ MySpace Layouts MySpace Layouts MySpace Codes MySpace Backgrounds

Joe Parker --
[adjective]:

Fuzzy to the touch

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I'd like to meet:

(in no particular order)

Music:

Weezer, Gavin DeGraw, John Mayer, Chevelle, Rage Against the Machine, Metallica, System of a Down, Tool, Perfect Circle, Incubus, Blink 182, Pantera, 311, Big Head Todd & the Monsters, Jimmy Eat World, Audioslave, White Zombie, Bush, Alice in Chains, The Darkness, Ben Harper, Journey, Paul Wall, The Killers, Smashing Pumpkins, Nirvana, Foo Fighters, and a little Phil Collins and Huey Lewis for the old man in me

Movies:

Braveheart, Bull Durham, Fight Club, Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Matrix Reloaded, Big Lebowski, Animal House, Old School, Anchorman, LOTR, Dumb & Dumber, Napoleon Dynamite, Dazed & Confused, Super Troopers, The Natural, Shawshank Redemption, Crash, Van Wilder, Harry Potter, Menace II Society, Back to the Future, With Honors, A River Runs Through It, Legends of the Fall, Platoon, Full Metal Jacket, This is Spinal Tap, Die Hard, Predator, Breakfast Club, Better Off Dead, Sixteen Candles, Garden State, Munich, Hoosiers, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill I & II, Reservoir Dogs, Sideways, Spider-Man, 3 Ninjas Kick Back, anything Steven Segal does (its golden), Delta Force, Dirty Dancing Havana Nights, Notting Fucking Hill, the movie that Vanilla Ice did, Teen Wolf 2, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

Television:

One Tree Hill, Nip/Tuck, Entourage, Reno 911!, Chappelle's Show (RIP), Sportscenter, Family Guy, Friends, SNL, The Hills, any Maverick game

Books:

The Bible, Da Vinci Code, Angels & Demons, Harry Potter, LOTR, The OMS book by Peterson,

Heroes:

Dirk Nowitzki Will Ferrell

My Blog

It's 3 o'clock in the AM, and the Mavs suck

Listless. Depressed. Lost. Heartbroken. Devastated. Disappointed. I could use more words, but I'd need a thesaurus. This is how I feel at 3 am because the Mav...
Posted by Joe Parker, Esquire on Fri, 04 May 2007 01:44:00 PST

Mavs----heads up their asses

As I sit in my lonely apartment, watching what could be the Mavericks last game of the year, I find myself unbelievably calm. You may be thinking "But Joe, you're married, your apartment's not l...
Posted by Joe Parker, Esquire on Wed, 02 May 2007 07:23:00 PST

Joe's Pet Peeves

It takes a day where the Mavs looked piss-poor and a trip to the grocery store to get me in a bad enough mood to write a blog. With that being said, I'd like to take some time to talk about some...
Posted by Joe Parker, Esquire on Mon, 02 Apr 2007 10:46:00 PST

3 Things

Maybe I should follow through on what blogs I say I'm gonna write, but that hasn't really happened. I need a prompt, like on the TAAS, TAPS, TASK, TAKS test of whatever the hell its ca...
Posted by Joe Parker, Esquire on Mon, 15 Jan 2007 04:41:00 PST

Another sleepless night...thanks to YouTube

So it's 4 o'clock in the AM, and I still hate dental school, and obviously, still awake. I still haven't kicked my annual christmas habit of sleeping late everyday and going to bed every night a...
Posted by Joe Parker, Esquire on Sat, 13 Jan 2007 02:37:00 PST

The sun shines on Reveille's ass every once in a while

Despite the danger of being lynched by Aggies everywhere, losing my best friend, getting divorced from my wife, I've gotta get all this confusion out of my system about the big deal with the Texas/Tex...
Posted by Joe Parker, Esquire on Tue, 05 Dec 2006 10:00:00 PST

This is piss poor

All I want is for the Dallas Mavericks to win a fucking basketball game. That's all.........quit fucking around and get a victory...its been over a year now....but at least if they start losing ...
Posted by Joe Parker, Esquire on Thu, 09 Nov 2006 10:20:00 PST

Nov. 5.....an awful day in the annals of Joe (thats ANNALS......not ANALS)

So I capped off my weekend with one of the worst days I've had in a while. It's one of those where you can't really pinpoint what makes it bad, it just blows, kind of like the last 7 seconds of ...
Posted by Joe Parker, Esquire on Mon, 06 Nov 2006 10:20:00 PST

Joe's 10 Best Comedies of All Time

I'd like to consider myself somewhat of a movie conoisseur, or huge dork that has nothing better to do than watch movies all the time. So, I decided to write a series of blogs, as if I were a mo...
Posted by Joe Parker, Esquire on Mon, 21 Aug 2006 10:15:00 PST

BY THE POWER OF BRAD DAVIS

Tonight my very belief structure has been shaken. Believing my beloved Mavs (and I swear to Rolando Blackman & Brad Davis that I will kill anyone who says I am a fairweather fan) could ...
Posted by Joe Parker, Esquire on Mon, 19 Jun 2006 11:07:00 PST