The Relocated Midwesterner profile picture

The Relocated Midwesterner

There is something rotten about the likes of you

About Me

Displaced Iowan in Brooklyn.Aspiring filmmaker/writer.Accomplished musician.Downtrodden Bartender.Oh yes and I only have 9 1/2 toes.

My Interests

booze and women in no particular order

I'd like to meet:

Some of the people most of the time, most of the people none of the time.

Music:

Alice Donut, Ed Hall, Jesus Lizard, Joe South, Jerry Reed, The Kinks, The Rolling Stones, Primus, Ten Benson, THe Country Teasers, THe Butthole Surfers, Cows, Run Westy Run, Merle Haggard, NoMeansNo, Television, Stooges, Joan Jett, The Carter Family, Slayer, Black Sabbath, Fugazi, Big Black, The Residents, Dwarves, Steel Pole Bathtub, Melvins, Unsane, Tom Waits, Fu Manchu, Ministry, Revolting Cocks, Pogues, Slint, Palace (Will Oldham), Bad Livers, Supersuckers, Hammerhead, Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, Ween, Dead Kennedys, Misfits, Waylon Jennings, David Allen Coe, Cab Calloway, Fear, VoiVod,Frank Zappa, Heroine Sheiks, Kita, Mule, Flatlanders, Chowchilla, Mr. Clean, The Eyeball Gang, High Horses, The Hellacious Cunts, Spikedriver, Jon Wayne (the band not the dead actor),.. width="425" height="350" ..

Movies:

Dr. Strangelove, Dead Alive, Entrails of a Virgin, Happiness, Vernon Florida, The Bad News Bears (the first one you dolts), Withnail and I, After Hours, Brazil, Team America, Smokefire, Icchi the Killer, Zombie, Yellowbeard, Buffalo 66, All cartoons by Don Hertzfeldt, Royal tenenbahms, Mirrormask, Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (old version), Strange Brew, Caddyshack, Adaptation, Blues Brothers, Meatballs, Dead Alive, The Evil Dead Trilogy, Blood Feast, Ed Wood, Ms. 45, Bad Luetenant, The First Three Muppet Movies, The Jerk, The Book of Morman Vol. 1, Airplane, Kentucky Fried Movie, Dark Crystal, Requiem for a Dream, Parents, Audition, Gremlins, Magic, 2001, Trainspotting, Koyaanisqatsi, Taxi Driver, Mean Streets, Office Space, Smokey and the Bandit, Barfly, Borat, Repo Man, Slap shot, Death Race 2000,.. width="425" height="350" ..

Television:

South Park, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Family Guy, Nearly all of the sunday lineup of Adult Swim, The Office (U.K. and U.S.), Wondershowzin, World's Most Dangerous Animals, World's Stupidest people, Simpsons, Kids in the Hall, Mr. Show, The Goodies, The New Adventures of Mighty Mouse, Judge Joe Brown, Family Feud (the Richard Karn years

Books:

Fear and loathing in Las Vegas, Any type of creepy true crime stuff, The complete works of Ed Gein, The Bible, Modern Drunkard, Fight club, American Psycho, John Wayne Gacy's tears of a clown, Art works with boobies, Still Life of a Woodpecker, Zen and hte Art of Motorcycle Maitenence,

Heroes:

Lemmy Kilmeister.. width="425" height="350" ..

My Blog

The Wacky Adventures of Creepy Sally and Bobby Diapers Vol. 3 - Bloody Hell

The Wacky Adventures of Creepy Sally and Bobby Diapers Vol. 3 - Bloody Hell --> --> --> --> --> -->It might be a good idea for you to go back and read Volumes 1 and 2, or else this will likely not...
Posted by The Relocated Midwesterner on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 05:08:00 PST

2007 resolutions, or how to pander to the people

1. Finish the damn "Creepy Sally trilogy... again.2. Eat my own weight in gold3. Stop judging folks just because they suck4. Find a use for that corpse in my freezer.5. Find a cure for AIDS and charge...
Posted by The Relocated Midwesterner on Mon, 01 Jan 2007 05:49:00 PST

Two-Bits and the Sunlamp, Creepy Sally's Daughter's name

I couldn't figure out how to work these little nuggets of information into the trilogy, but are just too good to keep to myself.  If you haven't read any of the Creepy Sally stuff, this may not b...
Posted by The Relocated Midwesterner on Fri, 08 Dec 2006 04:36:00 PST

Mexican gangster in Iowa

The night when a tornado ripped through my hometown of Iowa City, Iowa, there was but one bar in town that had electricity left, and that bar was Gabe's Oasis.Gabe's was a dirty dive bar, with a spot ...
Posted by The Relocated Midwesterner on Thu, 30 Nov 2006 02:39:00 PST

20 Little Known Facts About Birds

1.  Birds are stupid2.  Birds are loud3.  Birds are not amusing at 5:30 A.M.4.  My cats would fuck your Goddamned bird up if you would leave your door unlocked when you go to work....
Posted by The Relocated Midwesterner on Tue, 28 Nov 2006 03:11:00 PST

Lucid dream interruptus. Different cat same anus

1992, Iowa City, IowaThere is always something to read in my bathroom.  Not always for me, but as a way to tell any guests, relax and take your time a poopin',  At one point, I  had fou...
Posted by The Relocated Midwesterner on Fri, 24 Nov 2006 03:24:00 PST

The erotic tales of Ron, the rugged albino dwarf

Ron was in a delightful mood yesterday afternoon as he strutted down the street, whistling a song for his new love.  Sure he only four feet six inches from the ground, but you would have sworn on...
Posted by The Relocated Midwesterner on Tue, 21 Nov 2006 03:51:00 PST

The Wacky Adventures of Creepy Sally and Bobby Diapers Vol 2 - The Shittening

If you haven't please go back and read Vol 1.  You wouldn't watch The Santa Clause 2 without seeing the first one, right?O.K. good. and start ..now!THE SHITTENINGIs it possible to be too unpleasn...
Posted by The Relocated Midwesterner on Thu, 16 Nov 2006 02:42:00 PST

The cops in this town are morons, because they are dealing with moronic people

11-15-06  2:15 A.M.9-1-1Operator - New York Emergency, how may I direct your call?Andy - Yeah, hi I need the cops.Operator - What is your emergency?Indistinct yelling and cursingAndy - Well, I go...
Posted by The Relocated Midwesterner on Wed, 15 Nov 2006 03:07:00 PST

Bad person

Your dog almost ate my nose, but when I tried to eat his nose, that makes me a bad paerson.Your baby shit on me, yet when I shit on your baby, that makes me a bad person.The beakfast you made me made ...
Posted by The Relocated Midwesterner on Sun, 12 Nov 2006 03:57:00 PST