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Life Serial

We've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is

About Me


Nature has a way of bringing me to my knees. I cry every time I here "Dream On" and "La Vie en Rose." My head is nearly exploding with ideas. I write in a stream-of-consciousness fashion. "Nightrider" ruled my world. I talk to my dogs like they're people. I miss having a cat. I don't wear pajamas. When I'm angry or frustrated, I really do snarl and growl; when I'm extremely upset, I tear up. I enjoy video games, and I can kick any guy's tookus at Halo (just try me). I have to wear extra long jeans because my legs are almost a yard long. I am one of the most competitive people you'll meet; my friends won't play board or card games with me. :( I can cook but don't like to wait for it. I can quote multiple movies the whole way through, but I am particularly proud of "Top Gun" and "Star Wars." Potty humor (fart jokes, in particular) are always funny. I used to think that my tongue went all the way down to my toes. I hate wearing shoes. I can't do basic math; give me calculus or physics any day. I hate pop culture, but I'm secretly really fascinated by it. I love to salsa, samba, tango (with a little booty dancing on the side). I was bald until I was about 2 years old. I'm nowhere near perfect.
I prefer old buildings; they have character.
The Sacre Coeur
If I believed in reincarnation, I seriously think I would have been a cat.
I created my own profile using nUCLEArcENTURy.COM and you should too!

My Interests


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Random Chuck Norris Fact: Chuck Norris actually has nine penises, but only one is attached to his body. Eight of them float around independently doing what they will.

(I have an unhealthy fascination with Chuck Norris.) For more fun facts, go visit www.4q.cc/index.php?pid=fact&person=chuck

History, psychology, traveling (I'm saving up to go to Portugal and Spain for 10 days next year), writing,art (drawing, painting, charcoal, pastels, mixed media), all animals (well, except spiders and sting-y things), vegetarianism, avoiding jury duty, music in all forms, computers (especially my George), dramas.

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 correct! Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

I'd like to meet:

Jesus, Ghandi, Boutros-Boutros Ghali (i think that's how you spell his name), Eddie Izzard, Mother Teresa, Hunter S. Thompson (so sad he died last year), Ernest Hemingway (I'd ask him why he couldn't use damned punctuation), Marilyn Monroe, Osamu Tezuka, King Tut (what was it like to be so young and the king of the greatest nation at the time), my grandfather (he died before i was born), Betsey Johnson, C. S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, Jennifer Aniston, anyone who can speak Swahili, Keanu Reeves (is there any way he can just leave the "Bill and Ted" accent behind), Angelina Jolie, Bam Margera (I think he'd be interesting to just talk to), MTSU's president (honestly, why can't he just keep his hands to himself?), Akira Kurosawa, Margaret Thatcher, Nellie Bly, Christian Bale, Winston Churchill, McCarthy (really, were all those people a threat to American society? I think not, crazy ass), Vickie Lewis, Adam and/or Eve, Kate Winslet, Galileo, Copernicus, Thomas Alva Edison, Martha Stewart, the kind soul that discovered sugar tastes AWESOME in tea (it's a Southern thing), Juliette Lewis, Kia Asamiya, Rivers Cuomo (why does Weezer suck now), Gustav Klimt, Napoleon, Claude Debussy, Chuck Palahniuk, the guy (or gal) who invented Q-Tips, Mark Ruffalo, Yul Brynner, Candace Bergen, Conan O'Brien, Betty Grable, Christopher Walken, Jon Stewart, Anna Sui, Mamoru Oshii, Dane Cook, Katherine Heigl

Whoever made this video:
..

I have never laughed so hard in my life. And as per request of Stefanie (aka This is my ... BOOMSTICK), she was the one who found this and shared it with the world.

Music:

The best ... and I mean BEST ... video of all time:

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Credit: Toothpaste for Dinner

Queen, Murdered by Death, Reindeer Section, Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, AC/DC, ZZ Top, Puffy AmiYumi, the Pillows, Tegan & Sara, Rammstein, Patsy Cline, Hank Snow, Cowboy Mouth, Bela Fleck, the Dandy Warhols, Dave Matthews Band, Death in Vegas, Ani Difranco, Architecture in Helsinki, Yoko Kanno, My Morning Jacket, Chris Whitley, Sia, Lucinda Williams, Stevie Nicks, Morcheeba, Jesus and Mary Chain, Bob Dylan, Fiona Apple, Poe, PJ Harvey, DJ Shadow, Feist, moe., the Pretenders, Coda, Fleetwood Mac, the Features, Blackalicious, the Who, Guess Who, Prince, Madonna, Lyrics Born, Brothers Johnson, Tom Waits, David Bowie, Joan Armatrading, Pat Benatar, BOSTON, Elton John, Gang of Four, Gnarls Barkley, David Bowie, Pete Yorn, the New Pornographers, Tom Jones, Journey, Tori Amos, the Beatles, Badfinger, Air, Johnny Cash, Roison Murphy, Sufjan Stevens, Nouvelle Vague, Coheed and Cambria, Carly Simon, Queen, Sarah Vaughn, Ella Fitzgerald, Juan Prophet Organization, Luscious Jackson, Santana, Pink Floyd, Carole King, Bright Eyes, Travis, Joni Mitchell, Billie Holiday, Blondie, Janice Joplin, the Police, Claude Debussy, Gabriel Yared, Yoyo Ma, Lucianno Pavarotti, Sarah Brightman, Adam Ant, Shiny Toy Guns, Wolfmother

Movies:

The name o' the game is "GUESS THE MOVIE":
"The defense department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid."
Maverick: She's lost that loving feeling.
Goose: She's lo ... No, she hasn't.
Maverick: Yes, she has.
Goose: She's not lost that lo ...
Maverick: Goose, she's lost it, man.
Goose: Come on! Aw sh ... I hate it when she does that.
Charlie: Eh, lieutenant, what were you doing there?
Goose: Communicating.
Maverick: Communicating. Keeping up foreign relations. You know, giving him the bird.
Goose: You know, the finger.
Charlie: Yes, I know the finger, Goose.
Goose: I-I'm sorry. I hate it when it does that. I'm sorry. Excuse me.
"How many lives do we live? How many times do we die? They say we all lose 21 grams... at the exact moment of our death. Everyone. And how much fits into 21 grams? How much is lost? When do we lose 21 grams? How much goes with them? How much is gained? How much is gained? Twenty-one grams. The weight of a stack of five nickels. The weight of a hummingbird. A chocolate bar. How much did 21 grams weigh?"
Pres. Thomas "Tug" Benson: Here's the target area.
Gerou: That's Minnesota, sir.
Benson: Damnit, man, that's the genius of my plan. Why go over there to fight? We can do it right here at home and get in some good fishing while we're at it."
Gerou: Sir, the enemy is over there.
Benson: Then we'll fly them over here. Their families, too. We'll teach them to skate ... do I have to think of everything?
"Why Ike, whatever do you mean? Maybe poker's just not your game. I know! Let's have a spelling contest!"
"I tried taking pictures, but they were so mediocre. I guess every girl goes through a photography phase. You know, horses... taking pictures of your feet."
"'PC Load Letter?' What the fuck does that mean?"
Samir: Well, why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
Michael: No way, why should I change? He's the one who sucks.
"Good evening, sir, my name is Steve. I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack, but now I am off it and trying to stay clean. That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions."
Chinatown, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, 21 Grams, Vanity Fair, Lost in Translation, Ugetsu, Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, Blazing Saddles, Amelie, Ghost World, Alien, any Bruce Lee movies, The Fifth Element, Erin Brockovich, The Ring, Ringu, Ju-on (the Japanese version of "The Grudge"), Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Spirited Away, Black Hawk Down (one of the few war movies i can watch and not be bored), Fight Club, Memento, Alice in Wonderland, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Ghost in the Shell, The Usual Suspects, The Saint, Snatch, Akira, The Hidden Fortress, Seven Samurai, Adolescence of Utena, Vertigo, Ran, Yojimbo, A Christmas Story, Office Space, The Jerk, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Donnie Darko, Harold and Maude, sex lies and videotape, Monty Python's The Holy Grail and The Meaning of Life, Rear Window, Psycho, How to Marry a Millionaire, Vampire Hunter D, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust, The Secret of Nymh, The Truth About Cats and Dogs, Never Been Kissed (guilty pleasure), Superman, Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Forever, Batman Returns, Star Wars (original trilogy), Lord of the Rings trilogy, Gangs of New York, Bruce Campbell v. Army of Darkness, Supertroopers, Gone with the Wind, The Matrix, Bambi, The Lion King, Ocean's Eleven (both versions), As Good As It Gets, Planet of the Apes (Charlton Heston version) ... I'll stop here, that's only part of my movie collection ...
"In an emotional address at the state capitol, Nebraska Governor Paul Burmaster made a pulbic apology for his state being so flat."
"I left my heart in my other pants."
"And where does the newborn go from here?"
"Forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown."
"Sand is overrated. It's just tiny little rocks."
"My crotch is still here, just as you remembered it."
"I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."
"Alright you primitive screw-heads, listen up. See this? This is my boomstick! It's a 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan; retails for about one hundred nine, ninety-five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right: shop smart, shop S-Mart!"
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning."
"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here."
Jules: What does Marsellus Wallace look like?
Brett: What?
Jules: What country you from?
Brett: Wh-what?
Jules: What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What?
Brett: What?
Jules: English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?
Brett: Yes.
Jules: Then you know what I'm saying?
Brett: Yes.
Jules: Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!!!
"I'm American, honey. Our names don't mean shit."
"When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome ... and then, of course, you spoke."
"You're going to the cemetery with you toothbrush. How Egyptian."
Wayne: All I have to say is "asphinctersayswhat."
Arcade Owner: What?
Wayne: Exactly.
"Your name is Dumb Bitch, too? No wonder I keep getting all your mail! You know, we could be related. There are a lot of us Dumb Bitches here in LA."
"I just went out there and performed sexual favors. Six hundred-and-thirty-four blow jobs in five days ... I'm really quite tired."
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room."

Television:

Grey's Anatomy, SVU, CSI (Las Vegas), Boston Legal, Cold Case, Family Guy, Aquateen Hunger Force, X Play, Venture Brothers.
I have a special place in my heart for late night comedy, so, hence the "Colbert Report," "The Daily Show," and Conan O'Brien.
You can't beat the oldies: "All in the Family," "Murphy Brown," "Night Court" ... and the neo-classics: "Will and Grace," "Sex and the City," "Friends."
And randomly dubbed Japanese game shows (Most Extreme Elimination Challenge) tickle the ol' funny bone.

Books:

the Bible, Gone with the Wind, Dune, Asimov's Foundation novels, The Fuck-Up, House of Leaves, The Hiding Place, Screenplay, Vegetarian Grill, Cash, I Lucifer, Vanity Fair, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle, Sputnik Sweetheart, One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest, On the Road, Still Life with Woodpecker, Lord of the Rings (of course), Mere Christianity, The Screwtape Letters, The Great Divorce, The Corrections, How to be Alone, anything by Hunter S. Thompson, The Color of Water, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Witch of Blackbird Pond, When Legends Die, Their Eyes Were Watching God, The Color Purple, Me Talk Pretty Someday, Naked, Gathering of Old Men, Candy Girl, Stiff: The Curious Lives of Cadavers, Bridget Jones's Diary ... I work in a bookstore. What do you expect?
Mark Danielewski (aka the singer, Poe, is his sister) just released his second novel, Only Revolutions, which I must say, is 1082349839845 times weirder than his first, House of Leaves. Check out the website to get a glimpse of what you might be able to expect: Only Revolutions.com

Heroes:

Jesus, anyone brave enough to truly be alone, my dad and mom, Mamaw, Margie Gillespie, all of the military (I could never do what they do), Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Eudora Welty, Margaret Thatcher, Betty Friedan, St. Augustine, JRR Tolkien, Nancy Witcher Langhorne Astor, Ella Baker, Simone de Beauvior, Frida Kahlo, Nellie Bly, Shirley Temple Black, CS Lewis, Aphra Behn, Tz'u Hsi

My Blog

Nature is my solace.

I feel at home when I'm outside. When I'm with trees and the animals and even this surprisingly cold weather, I'm at ease. Maybe it's because it's Sunday, but I feel closer to God when I'm not indoors...
Posted by Soviet [Polish] Kitsch on Sun, 12 Nov 2006 11:00:00 PST

Impatience is not a virtue.

I hate being in limbo. I'm at a job I don't hate or love; I'm living on my own again in an apartment that may or may not be completely furnished when the lease is up; I'm turning 23 in a month but I h...
Posted by Soviet [Polish] Kitsch on Sun, 12 Nov 2006 05:08:00 PST

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over all the liberty.

Now, I'm not going to say whether or not I am happy with how the Tennessee election turned out (or the nation, for that matter), but I will say that I was very impressed with the number of voters who ...
Posted by Soviet [Polish] Kitsch on Wed, 08 Nov 2006 01:18:00 PST

Why now?

You know, my life has horrible timing. It's a bad joke just lying in wait for that poor individual (who happens to be me) who can't avoid it. Pure torture. I make a decision, and it turns out to be th...
Posted by Soviet [Polish] Kitsch on Wed, 08 Nov 2006 07:25:00 PST

I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning.

I rule at Trivial Pursuit. Not just because I have a veritable cornucopeia of information stored away in my brain, but also because I have a tendency (and a tenacity) to pursue trivial things. W...
Posted by Soviet [Polish] Kitsch on Sat, 04 Nov 2006 01:23:00 PST

I hate the letter "s."

You would too if you had to file a million bits of paperwork, all for people with the last name that starts with an "s." Can't we have some variability? That's what we get for only having 26 letters i...
Posted by Soviet [Polish] Kitsch on Thu, 02 Nov 2006 05:51:00 PST

They call me a butter bar.

I love UrbanDictionary.com. It's probably the funniest way to get a looksie into the deranged minds of today's youth. "Chocogasm" is my current favorite, although "butter bar" is a close second, for t...
Posted by Soviet [Polish] Kitsch on Tue, 31 Oct 2006 04:35:00 PST

Thanks for the Dadaist pep talk. I feel much more abstract now.

A sincere thanks to everyone who's put into words their concern for my emotional well-being. You guys have become my extended family, and there is nothing better in the world than knowing that there a...
Posted by Soviet [Polish] Kitsch on Sun, 29 Oct 2006 09:42:00 PST

Emotional fuckwittage.

Pardon my not-so-French phrase-ology. I'm finally beginning to notice the amount of strain I've had to deal with the past three weeks. I think I'm going loco. My emotions run the gamut, but they're al...
Posted by Soviet [Polish] Kitsch on Sun, 29 Oct 2006 04:10:00 PST

Are ya kidding me?

I burst into tears after I pulled into my apartment parking lot. I've been penting up all this negative emotion for the past almost three weeks, and suddenly, the little Dutch boy pulls his finger out...
Posted by Soviet [Polish] Kitsch on Fri, 27 Oct 2006 09:20:00 PST