Roger profile picture

Roger

I am here for Friends

About Me

Oh God, what to say about myself. Well, I'm 8 feet tall; will only parallel park in a parallel universe; I'm a British ex-pat, sent overnight - so more of a FedEx-pat if you dig the whole bad pun scene; I spend my free time teaching homeless kittens to read and helping them find jobs (mostly welding or machinist work - you'd be surprised) and I have an industrial-size, chocolate covered, cream puff for a left hand.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Roger
Birthday: ROCKtober 30, 1978 AD
Birthplace: Southport, Merseyside, England
Current Location: The JC
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Dark Brown, although the grey is starting to creep in around the temples - very distinguished.
Height: 6' ish
Right Handed or Left Handed: Righty
Your Heritage: Badass, by way of England
The Shoes You Wore Today: Black Tims, New Balance
Your Weakness: Breasts. Not mine, although I wouldn't necessarily call them a "strength" either.
Your Fears: Not leaving a mark
Your Perfect Pizza: Onion, Garlic, Fresh Tomato, Bacon
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: 2 bills
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Ah
Thoughts First Waking Up: Get up, get up, get up, you have a job, get up, get up
Your Best Physical Feature: Eyes
Your Bedtime: 12 -1
Your Most Missed Memory: Sex
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King: Wendy's
Single or Group Dates: Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: uhhhhhhh
Chocolate or Vanilla: 'Nilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Smoke: Yes
Do you Swear: Like a sailor with Tourette's
Do you Sing: All the time
Do you Shower Daily: Yup
Have you Been in Love: Yup
Do you want to go to College: No, but there I am
Do you want to get Married: Yes
Do you belive in yourself: Yes, I'm the fecking man!
Do you get Motion Sickness: Only when I'm moving
Do you think you are Attractive: 1999 Sunny Hills Retirement Home Best Bod Winner
Are you a Health Freak: No
Do you get along with your Parents: Yar
Do you like Thunderstorms: Very, very sexy
Do you play an Instrument: Skin Flute?
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: As much as possible
In the past month have you Smoked: Pack a day, cough cough
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Ja
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yeah, unsuccessful as they were
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Today actually
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Yuck! More than one makes me ... how the fuck do you spell naseous?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Yum
In the past month have you been on Stage: Not in a performance capacity
In the past month have you been Dumped: No. I took a dump though, several actually.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: That would require being skinny, no?
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Not music, I swear
Ever been Drunk: God, what a bad question
Ever been called a Tease: No
Ever been Beaten up: Uhm, I've lost a fight, but "beaten up" might be a bit strong
Ever Shoplifted: Shamefully, yes
How do you want to Die: In my sleep, or at the hand of an assassin
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Revolutionary, Stand Up Comedian, Cult Leader
What country would you most like to Visit: Somewhere hot, Cocoa Islands. Is that a country?
In a Boy/Girl..
Favorite Eye Color: Green
Favourite Hair Color: Fake Auburn Red
Short or Long Hair: Longer the better
Height: Shorter than me
Weight: Skinnier than me
Best Clothing Style: I don't know what this means
Number of Drugs I have taken: At once or in total?
Number of CDs I own: I dunno, a hundred or so, I guess
Number of Piercings: Tres
Number of Tattoos: 1
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Number of days in my life times 2
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS! %D%A%D%A
You're a Glass of Wine!%D%A
What Type of Alcoholic Beverage Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla %D%A%D%A
.. You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative


94%

Postmodernist


63%

Idealist


56%

Modernist


50%

Materialist


50%

Existentialist


50%

Fundamentalist


44%

Romanticist


31%
What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com %D%A%D%A
You scored as Sirius. You are most lke Sirius! You are generally nice and loyal to those you love.

Sirius


75%

Ron


67%

Harry


42%

You-Know-Who


42%

Hermione


33%
What Harry Potter Character are you
created with QuizFarm.com %D%A%D%A
%D%AYou are pure, moral, and adaptable.%D%AYou tend to blend into your surroundings.%D%AShy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends.%D%A%D%AYou believe that you live a virtuous life...%Dnd you tend to judge others with a harsh eye.%Ds a result, people tend to crave your approval. %D%A The World's Shortest Personality Test %D%A
Your Scorpio Drinking Style
%D%A If anyone tells you you've had enough, you'll smirk and keep tippling until you're hog whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite.%D%AYou like to drink, and screw anyone who has a problem with that.%D%AYou see the sauce as something to savor in itself... and not as a personality-altering tool.%D%A%D%AIf you're depressed, you get self-loathing and seek total obliteration.%Dut generally, you're a fascinating drinking pal, brilliant conversationalist and dizzying flirt.%D%AYou also remember everything -- especially what everyone did when they were blitzed.%D%AOnly people you *like* should drink with you!
%D%A What's Your Alcohoroscope? %D%A %D%A%D%A
You scored as Sawyer. You are Sawyer! You pride yourself in being a reblelious southerner and for some reason like to steal things for no reason. You had a bad experience with your childhood and hide the secret of your past. However, you like Kate and she discovered your secret.

Sawyer


88%

Kate


69%

Shannon


44%

Boone


38%

Locke


25%

Michael


19%

Sun


19%

Sayid


19%

Charlie


0%

Claire


0%

Jack


0%
Which "Lost" character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com %D%A%D%A
Which of the four crownprinces of Hell are you?

Lucifer
Lucifer, the morning star, brings enlightenment from the East, with the rising Sun.He is a creature of unspoiled wisdom, and of genuine emotions, such as pure romance and true love. Art and literature, music and poetry are all his area. He possesses both unmatched scholary wisdom, as well as creativity and imagination. Lucifer brings greater awareness, to open our souls and minds so we can question, dream, think, wonder... and evolve. With that he represents the spiritual ascent, and life.
Take The Quiz Now! Quizzes by myYearbook.com %D%A%D%A
You scored as Dante Alighieri. According to you most of humanity will spend at least some of their afterlife in hell. You have a high likelihood of being exiled, but anyone as bloody fucking romantic as you deserves what they get. You have an exceptional moral code, overshadowed by the fact that you yourself cannot uphold it.%D%A%D%AYour existence bears a definite irony, although of fairly Christian morality, many pagans, satanists, communists, and intellectuals admire you and your works for all the wrong reasons. %D%A%Dlso, the brighest star in your sky is never going to be your lover...%D%A%D%AIt takes a lot of grief to be the cartographer of hell.

Dante Alighieri


92%

Friedrich Nietzsche


83%

Stephen Hawking


75%

C.G. Jung


75%

Sigmund Freud


75%

Jesus Christ


67%

Miyamoto Musashi


58%

Steven Morrissey


58%

O.J. Simpson


50%

Elvis Presley


33%

Hugh Hefner


33%

Adolf Hitler


33%

Charles Manson


33%

Mother Teresa


25%
What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You?
created with QuizFarm.com.
What Color Is Your Aura?
Your aura shines Red!
Take this quiz !
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Your Hidden Talent
You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system.
And while this may not seem big, it can be.
It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes.
You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices. What's Your Hidden Talent?
Am-I-Dumb.com - Are You Smarter?

My Interests

Being right all the time. Although, I also dabble in hilarity. I absolutely live for bad hairpieces. Nothing delights me more than an audaciously fake rug, one that just insults the intelligence of everyone that looks at it. Like this guy thinks he's fooling anyone. Dude, I can see the fucking price tag.

I'd like to meet:

Jake "The Snake" Roberts, Jake "The Snake" Plummer, Kenny "The Snake" Stabler, Snake Plisskin, Pliss Snakeskin, God, The Devil, An angel, The woman of my dreams, Chrisopher Hitchens, A ghost, George Lucas, George Orwell, Freddie Mercury, Quentin Tarantino, You for drinks, Elisha Cuthbert, Winston Churchill, Siddartha, Da Vinci, van Goethe, Van Morrison, Morrissey, Morris Day and the Mutha*&!kin' Time, Doris Day, Socrates (Both of them), Claire Danes, Dustin Hoffman, All of my direct ancestors back to the caves, Bill Shakespeare, Bill Shatner, Bill Shatner's piece, Anne Hathaway (Also a piece), Winston Smith, Ricky Gervais, Oscar Wilde, Simon Munnery, Bobby Heenan, R. William Pitt, Tom Brady, Marsha Brady, Carol Brady, Brady Quinn, Dr. Quinn, Dr. McCoy, the real McCoy, the fake McCoy, Tim Kring, The Lion King, Jeffrey Steingarten, Mary Steenburgen, Harrison Bergeron, the list goes on ...

Music:

The CD Player in my truck is devoted almost entirely to Jeff Buckley and Buck 65 most of the time. And, of course, the ass-shakin'est, earthquakin'est, soulful, doleful, get your ass outta your seat and dance, I can fucking dig it, funky, filthy, thank the good Lord for givin' you ears, muthafuckin' Josh Dion Band!I'm also having a little classical hankering at the moment. I'm not especially well versed in it so I've been all about Mozart's Requiem, Toccata and Fugue in D minor by Bach, and Ravel's Bolero, which I suppose is sort of like listening to 'Kind of Blue' and saying you're into jazz. Whatever, you gotta start somewhere. Goddamn what a sonofabitch of a piece of music Bolero is though. Those drums are fucking relentless.

Movies:

Amadeus. The Big Lebowski. Donnie Brasco. GoodFellas. Return of the Jedi - Empire Strikes Back - Star Wars (In that order). The Lord of the Rings Extended Versions. Oh Brother, Where Art Thou. Dirty Work (yes, I'm the one). Blazing Saddles. Caddyshack. more to come

Television:

Don't watch. Haven't turned the set on since the end of football season. It's crap - all of it. Even the so-called educational channels: PBS, History, TLC. All of it- GARBAGE! Do yourself a favor and lose your remote.

Books:

George Orwell, Albert Camus, William Golding, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Douglas Adams, William Shakespeare, Samuel Beckett, Christopher Hitchens, T.S. Eliot, Gregory Corso, E.E. Cummings, Stephen King, Gerard Manley Hopkins, Yusef Komunyakaa, Jack Kerouac, Dave Barry, Kurt Vonnegut, Bob Hicok, James Joyce (particularly his love letters), A.C. Doyle, E.A. Poe, James Tate, Timothy Liu, Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson, Yann Martel.

Heroes:

I have a friend whose mother is a school nurse. At this particular school is a teacher, a woman, whose husband has had her convinced for the entirety of their marriage that he MUST start every day with a blowjob. And she complies. So that means that every one of that dude's days starts with him getting a hummer. I mean, c'mon. That's my fucking hero!

My Blog

Know what I was just thinking?

I've decided to start keeping track of worthy thoughts that come into my head sometimes. So if you ever wanted to know the kind of things that keep me awake at night, here you go. A real bloggy t...
Posted by Roger on Wed, 26 Sep 2007 09:49:00 PST

25 Names I Have Called My Cat

NeckboneNeckBOOOOOOOOONENeckBoneBoneheadBonerFartAssholeMs. ThingMs. ThangDudeDudiepantsStinkyassRetardShitheadTiddlesMs. FurrypantsMs. FancypantsYouBroBrosephLittle BabyBaby ...
Posted by Roger on Sun, 24 Dec 2006 11:26:00 PST

Cool Video

This is the clip.Any of mah buddays reading this should have seen this on the board already (in fact this is a copy/paste job if ever there was one), but if you haven't, lucky you! It's sort of just a...
Posted by Roger on Tue, 07 Nov 2006 10:08:00 PST

INTRODUCING NECKBONE HOROWITZ PITT

I found him in a smokehouse eating a pork neckbone, hence the name. He's my new fluffin' headed kitty cat. His interests are hiding behind toilets and putting his head under leaky tub faucets. He's a ...
Posted by Roger on Sat, 14 Oct 2006 11:13:00 PST

Top 10 Most Important Inventions Ever

As compiled by me, based on the impact each one had on humanity and civilization as a whole. I've tried to include a mix of ancient and modern inventions. What I have omitted are purely scientific adv...
Posted by Roger on Tue, 15 Aug 2006 12:03:00 PST

Contraception Limericks

Various methods of contraception set to the gold-fashioned, tried and true limerick form.1. CondomsThere once was a fellah from London,Who could never remember a condom.He had sex anyway.Now to his di...
Posted by Roger on Thu, 10 Aug 2006 06:58:00 PST

Time for a NEW BLOG!!!!! YAAAAAAAAY!!!

Every fucking time I call a restaurant to make a reservation, the conversation always goes the same way: Hostess: Okay, table for nine-thirty, your name? Me: Roger. Hostess: Robert? Me: No, Roger. Hos...
Posted by Roger on Sun, 18 Jun 2006 11:12:00 PST

10 reasons why I love bourbon, and so should you.

It burns. It tastes like happy.Its good for what ails ya. It increases memory span and acuity. It'll give you a ride, a car ride, to the airport on a moment's notice. It let you cheat off its O-Chem f...
Posted by Roger on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

State of mind

I saw something very, very fucking cool today. A hallway, a single corridor that was three city blocks long. It was absolutely brain bending; Ive never seen anything else like it. Have you ever looke...
Posted by Roger on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

If my mother reads this, she will more than likely cry.

I love vulgarity. No, it's more than that. I don't just love it, I'm in love with it. I cherish it. I worship it; like an artist does his canvas and brushes; like a farmer, his fields. I'm not just...
Posted by Roger on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST