severance

i have a gambling problem. my undies are sometimes days of the week undies, but never the right day of the week. i used to eat shampoo and conditioner in large quantities. i'm hotter and radder and more selfish and narcissistic than you are and i know it. my best friend is the mirror. i'm always late. i use all of my pockets. i gotta knife. if i look like i'm going to punch you, it's because i am. i'm not listening to you. i get drunk and swear and mean it. my hair smokes too much crack and it will kick you in the face when you're not watching. like this [kkicckkkk]. if i had a building, i'd change the color of it sometimes. just to keep people guessing. sometimes i like to play mean tricks on you. i can make you say yes, even if you say no. i'll beat up your mom if you ask me to.