Marijuana, Buddha, Cheeba, Hash, Chronic, Dope, Ganja, Grass, Herb, Hydro, Indo, Kindbud, Thai Stick, Skunk, Stank, Shake, and Sweet, Sweet Sinsemilla.
I'm also a big fan of Acapulco Gold, Aunt Mary, Bambalachacha, Betas, Bhang, Bo-Bo Bush, Boo, Broccoli, Bud, Canadian Black, Chicago Green, Colombia Red, Chronic, Cheeva, Ding, Donjem, Dope, Dubie, Fu, Gange, Ganja, Gates, GOM (Good Old Marijuana), Grass, Greefo, Griffas, Gauge, Giggle Sticks, Gunga, Gunja, Hay, Hemp, Herb, Honey, Indian Hemp, Jay Smoke, Jamican Red, Joint, Joy Smoke, Ktutchu String, Kona, Kif, Laughing Grass, Light Green, Loco Weed, Love Weed, Maggie, Marijuana, Mary Jane, Mary Worner, Mary Weaver, Megg, Mexican Brown, Mexican Commercial, Mez, Moahsky, Mocoha, Moocha, Mooster, Mota, Mu, Mutah, Number, Pod, Pot, Reef, Reefer, Roach, Sinsemilia, Ses, Smoke, Snop, Splim, Tea, Texas Tea, Thai Stick, Viper Weed, Wake and Bake, Weed, Weed Tea, Yesca.
I like you. I like cheese.
I like that I'm sweet sometimes like Ben Stiller.
I like pop culture.
I like me more than I like you mostly because you bore me after an hour or so. Good thing for you the one thing I don't like is voilence only because it requires more effort than I'm willing to kick the living shit out of your yapping fucking jaw line.
But mostly, I enjoy being me.
I'd like to meet:
Hot Chicks, really. People with really good connections. God. Or at least your version of God. I believe that I've already seen God myself, many times over to be imprecise. The problem is that whenever I try and explain God to someone they always have their own perceptions of the THING already in mind, which leads me to believe that there are in fact many God Impersonators living in Vegas.
I'd like to meet the kind of people who would follow me blindly. I'm a fairly adept con but I find it's easier to accomplish shit when people do whatever I ask without asking a lot of questions. I'd also like to meet a couple lawyers so that they can talk to the kind of people who ask a lot of questions. That would be worthy of a smile.
I think that I would also like to meet a couple self-motivated mutes that have recently come into a lot of money and would be interested in funding any number of hair-brained ideas that I am currently working on.
Please bring cheeze.
I think Anthony Michael Hall and I need to have a long sit down to discuss a thing or two, starting with his three part name. I'm a big fan of the middle initial myself, but when your middle name is Alphonse you've got a whole other slew of problems, including the fact that Senor A. spells SPANISH CHICK. Sucks all around, which might explain my three name envy. We'll do lunch!
Winona Ryder, Winona Ryder, and Winona Ryder. A big assed threesome with.. no wait, that wouldn't include me. A big assed foursome with the same chick three times? Dude, I'd take Jessica Alba, Kristin Kreuk, and Winona Ryder.. twice.. Unless I can throw in Ashley Judd and still have a shot at all four of them. At the same time. With cheeze.
I'd like to meet a sex therapist. I have a lot of issues I feel we should discuss. I'd also like to meet an actual hooker. I've heard a lot of rumors but I've never actually met one in the flesh. We could all meet at my place and the two of you could battle it out like two completely opposing forces fighting for the control of my sexual desires. Then the winner would get a fresh can of Get the Fuck Out and the runner up would get my dick up their ass for a total of 45 seconds. I'm timing the shit with a pocket watch. You can count on that!
But most of all, I would like to meet you. My friends. My comrades. My special word for people who will buy shit from me. My brothers in arms and sisters in legs... Ever toker and non-toker alike I invite you to stand up for your rights as an American, a Mexican, a Canadian, a European, Chinaman, Funny Cartoon Character on the front of a box of cereal, that jogger who keeps running by in the mornings, HOLY SHIT!!! That girl needs to come and join me and Winona Ryder in the National Legalize It Green Ribbon Campaign !
For more information see my website at www.SenorLime.com .
[Insert Funny Little .Com Jingle Here]
Music:
Music fucking sucks. If you are in a band and you are reading this then allow me to say that your music specifically fucking sucks. Above and beyond all other bands that have come before: Your band is officially the worst band to ever grace the promo for American Idol. I specifically do not like your band and will gladly call your Mother to request the re-insertion of your worthless life back into her womb. I'll even take the time out of my empty schedule just to stick you back in personally with the tip of my own dick.
Price does rock, tho. I also like that booty ass music that makes black chicks shake their trunk or whatever they call it. I'm like "What Up Girl?" all throwing myself around with like gold chains and shit. Assholes kicked me out though, said I was too white or something. I told them: "Who do you think you are talking to you fucking N---..." I stumbled on the word Nigger, 'cause.. You know, I'm not black. VERY Anti-Climatic. I seriously just walked home and masterbated. But the rest of music fucking sucks.
Movies:
Movies fucking suck. If you know a good movie, I'll remind you that movies brought us Anthony Michael Hall. Without movies we would have never known of Anthony Michael Hall, much less the mindless worship that depraved our society of its very soul during the blight of the 80s. Anthony Michael Hall wasn't the nerd in all of us he was the square that programmed an entire species to love him without question. And I do... seriously. Dude fucking rocks. Like, Wierd Science. The Breakfast Club. Sixteen Candles! That shit is FUNNY when yr fucked up. Seriously.
Waking Life is cool too. And Zombie Flicks. I love carnivals of gore. That's what I call really stupid C-Grade Horror. Like Freddy impersonators gang banging a 16 year old version of Jason Voorhees.. SERIOUSLY depraved shit. We don't even talk about warrents around the house anymore. Not after the whole restraining order issue with Anthony Michael Hall. There's no end of shame for the family after the DNA tests proved that the stains were actually.. movies fucking suck. Seriously.
Books:
Here's what I think about books: Pretentious pricks talk about what books they read. I don't mind pretentious pricks. I'm a pretentious prick. What I don't like are pretentious prick wanna-be's that have read a total of three books in their entire life and talk about these same three books as if they're the most important three books in an enormous library of completely forgotten titles. This is mostly a moment of self loathing as I've read Fear and Loathing which is how I know the word Loathing and I've started On the Road, which pretty much makes me a very effective Scenester.
What I do like are graphic novels. And pornography. I'm a bigger fan of internet pornography, so ladies, please feel free to message me your private passwords for any porn sights you may have posed on. I've only really bought a couple books of pornography and they were really bad. I got them for like $9.95 for a pack of four because I was too cheap to buy the expensive ones. Bad, bad porn. Which is why, ladies, I seriously need those passwords. I prefer cheerleader porn, but any schoolgirl theme is absolutely cool by me. (SuicideGirls.. HINT HINT!!!!)
Heroes:
Anthony Michael Hall may seem like he would be a hero to me. But he's not. He doesn't call, he doesn't write. What kind of relationship do you think we could possibly have with the threats of restraining orders and so forth. At best I would call him a friend that I have yet to meet. My mother always said that of strangers. Maybe that's what I should have called him: a complete stranger. Never met the guy, but would bet he isn't half bad, once you got to know him. Things like that happen.
Woody Harrelson, Willie Nelson, Tommy Chong, Jesus. Tommy Chong always makes me think of Jesus for some reason, but I consider them both Heroes. Then I immediately think of John Lennon but I'm not a real huge fan of the Beatles though I like a lot of their music. Then of course there's the whole Yoko album followed by her solo work. Yoko Ono is not one of my heroes. I like Bjork though. She kicked the shit out of this reporter I saw on the internet. Bitch is one hot viper momma. Winona Ryder... but really I'm only saying that because I think she's FUCKING HOT!!!! That girl shop lifted my heart decades ago.
